et Page 2047 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Tarp Surfing Is Neat, Pointless
I suppose skateboarding gets boring after a while—one can kickflip only so many times—so these young men deserve some credit for creativity. But why two levels of pretend surfing? That said, this should happen during rain delays. [Kottke]...
Ooh, Ooh: Cristiano Ronaldo Is Getting Married!
Frankly, thank Christ for Facebook — without it, Cristiano Ronaldo's life might maintain an element of mystique, but then everyone would be bored....
Arizona Lady Emigrates Illegally From Shirt
Maybe Arizona is the lawless hellhole Jan Brewer's made it out to be, after all. Between the Nazis on the borders and the streets becoming sets for an ill-advised No Country For Old Men sequel, the citizens of Arizona now have to worry about the unpatrolled border of this lady's cleavage....
Young Ladies, Who May Or May Not Have Penises, Enjoy Cricket
A troupe of traveling Thai Ladyboys have given cricket a go on their visit to Manchester. They learned that athletic tape wasn't intended for taping your junk between your legs, but it does the trick. [Metro] (H/T Tom K. Again.)...
Incongruous Athlete Mix-Tape Theater: Jeremy Lin
Today's Incongruous Athlete Mix-Tape-e: Harvard man and future D-Leaguer, Jeremy Lin cut to the Teshian rhythms and St. Louisan rhymes of Nelly's "Heart of A Champion." ...
America's Dumbest Student-Athlete: Tremaine Billie, Clemson University
Mr. Billie AKA "T.Billie" has received multiple nominations thanks to the unfortunate "e-portfolio" he created when he was a student. It's a masterpiece....
Today In Things Making You Fatter: Baseball
Shocking news out of the halls of SI today: all-you-can-eat deals at baseball games are extremely unhealthy, and teams might have some ethical obligation to stop such promotions. To the pull-quotes!...
It's Your Last Chance To See Lou Piniella Gesticulate Wildly On The Field
Lou Piniella will retire following this season, adding yet another name to the ignoble list of those the Cubs have irrevocably broken. [Chicago Breaking Sports]...
Australian Cricket Player Stripped Of "Father Of The Year" Crown
The state of Victoria has rescinded Australian cricket legend Dean Jones's 2007 Father of the Year award after details of a nine-year affair with an "air hostess" surfaced. What sort of details, you say? Why a lovechild of course....
This Is Not Pete Rose's Corked Bat
MLB's all-time hits leader, who's not allowed to step foot into Cooperstown because he's an awful human being, keeps popping up places with his girlfriend — "the Pamela Anderson of Korea" — to show her off to people. [MyFoxNY]...
Rangers Pitcher Hit In Head With Comeback Liner
Tonight in the bottom of the 6th, Rangers reliever Dustin Nippert took a hard liner to the head courtesy of the Tigers' Austin Jackson. Nippert seemed shaken but ultimately walked himself off. He is currently listed as day-to-day, according to MLB.com....
Incongruous Athlete Mix-Tape Theater: Devin Gardner
Welcome back to Incongruous Athlete Mix-Tape Theater. Today's subject: Michigan Wolverine Devin Gardner and all his snaps during the UM spring game, set to Bing Crosby's "Temptation" and "Hawaiian War Chant."...
Best News Lede Ever? Best News Lede Ever.
"Police responded early Friday to a call of shots fired at a home in Roberts and found a man apparently hallucinating an attack by clowns." [Pioneer Press](via DCarr)...
America's Dumbest Student-Athlete: J.J. Redick, Duke University
Although this isn't technically what we're looking for, it's still pretty great to revisit Redick's batch of "poetry" which Sports Illustrated wisely published in earnest. The boy likes to rhyme....
Mike Tyson Offers A Few Thoughts On Gentrification
On returning to his old Brownsville neighborhood: "This white woman come up, and I'm thinking, Wow. When I was a kid, she would've been robbed and raped and left for dead. This is a real strange scenario, and I just wanted to cry. I'm like, 'Who am I? Where's my heritage?'" [Details]...
Larry Fitzgerald: Inspiration to Amputees Everywhere
The healing process works like this: 1. Lose a leg. 2. Visually dedicate the replacement prosthetic to a great wide receiver. 3. Somehow meet that great wide receiver; get him to autograph and photograph your prosthetic (possibly at the Paradise Valley, Az. mall). 4. Said wide receiver will then pos...
A.J. Burnett is a Liar. He'll Tear Your Heart Up. He'll Burn Your Soul.
Let me tell you a little bit about what A.J. Burnett did on the day Tim McCarver did the right thing by outting the Yankees organization as Nazi Communist airbrush artists....
Looking Back On It, ESPN Editor Was Very Impressed With ESPN Event
If you're curious what a lame, easily starstruck ESPN shill sounds like after he's been put in close proximity to Very Famous People, please read this wet fart of a column by Page 2 factotum and pizza critic Lynn Hoppes....
Incongruous Athlete Mix-Tape Theater: Rony Seikaly
Today on Incongruous Athlete Mix-Tape Theater: the Spin Doctor, Rony Seikaly. Marvel at his barrage of low-post moves and plus-ability to rock the old nylon warm-ups, all while enjoying the incongruously hard rhymes of the rap group Atmosphere....
America's Dumbest Student-Athlete Nominee: Eric, University of Wisconsin-Parkside
From a reader named Mark: This is an essay from a former University of Wisconsin-Parkside wrestler for an intro to writing class....