et Page 2193 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

To Watch Tonight
What to watch with your new friend, Mr. Happy Toilet ... • Arena Football League: Chicago at Kansas City (8:30 p.m., ET). Here's hoping for plenty of air-time for the Brigade Girls. [ESPN2] • MLB: Boston at Cleveland (7 p.m., ET). Hopefully it will be above 12 degrees. [ESPN] • NHL: Western Conferen...

Can You Outeat Journalism's Top Professionals?
We haven't been to McAfee Coliseum this year — and judging by the attendance figures, few of you have either — but much ado has been made about the upper deck's All You Can Eat package, which is $35, not counting medical bills. How much could you eat?...

Ron Artest's Lunacy Knows No Bounds
The life of an NBA entourage member is a hard one. Even though it may offer an otherwise unemployable sect of society the opportunity to live an exciting, fulfilling life vicariously through a pampered professional athlete, there is legitimate "work" to be done in order to maintain a prime spot in ...

Mike Tyson Can Turn Darkness Into Light
Are you depressed? Feeling scattered and out of control? Being chased by those pesky frowny-faced cartoon clouds all day? Well, perhaps you could go on medication and seek out professional help or you could just talk to Mike Tyson, who's offering to help lift the spirits of athletes in need. Or, at ...

Parsing Out The Tigers Meltdown
We don't have the heart, really, to check in with any of our Detroit Tigers friends, right now, from longtime Deadspin commenter fave Alex Balk to Ben Mathis Lilley to Defamer's Mark Graham. Not much is worse than expecting your team to dominate, and then watching as they start out two-and-freaking-...

Carmelo Anthony, Driving The Lane While Drinking
Carmelo Anthony, on the heels of one of the biggest wins for Denver of the season, continued his bad habit of doing something stupid at just the wrong times this morning: He got a DUI....

New York Now Free From The Menace Of Buried Cloth
There have been a little more than 9,000 unsolved murders in New York City since 1985; many of the victims buried in cement, do doubt. But thank God we've solved this case: The Yankees have dug up a Red Sox jersey on Sunday that had been planted beneath their new stadium by a construction worker. An...

Kentucky Boasts Top Eater, Fulmer Fumes
It's been a disappointing year for Kentucky fans, but now they can cheer on the top-ranked collegiate eater in the country....

Anna Is a Triathlete In Her Own Way
As a young man I once wrote a school newspaper article on everyone's favorite up-and-coming tennis star, Anna Kournikova, for no other reason than because she was the greatest thing to ever happen. Another time my father lamented the fact that I couldn't play in the Little League World Series (age r...

Bryant Mercifully Leaves the Booth
Bryant Gumbel does excellent work for HBO Sports, but as a play-by-play announcer for the NFL Network he was terrible. Fortunately both parties came to terms with that fact, and we will no longer be subjected to any of his two-minute "mournings" or legendarily indecisive first down calls. Awful Anno...

About Last Night
What you missed while audibly yelping with glee... • Boxing: Carlos De Leon Jr. > Buddy McGirt Jr. De Leon proved to be the better son of a former champion when he stopped the previously undefeated McGirt in the seventh. • MLB: The Yankees proved their supremacy over the Red Sox with a 4-1 April vic...

So, How'd OJ Mayo Work Out For You, Coach Floyd?
Surprising no one, OJ Mayo announced yesterday that he's leaving USC to enter the NBA Draft. Hard to blame the guy; most mock drafts have him going in the top five. (Love that video preview for the Mock Draft, ESPN!)...

The Masters Turns ESPN's Volume Down A Few Notches
From what we saw of it, we kind of enjoyed ESPN's Masters coverage yesterday. With all the screaming and beeping and what-not on the network anymore, it was almost pleasant to have the sleepiness inherent in Masters coverage wash over The Leader. A channel in which everyone seems afraid to raise the...

Epic Fail In Oakland (And Dirk Is A Space Monster!)
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who would do anything for love, but he won't do that. No, he won't do that. When he's not memorizing Meat Loaf lyrics, you can find him karaokeing them at Basketbawful. Enjoy! Hey Warriors...what's that on your face? I'll tell you. It's egg. And mud. And th...

Shocking Newsflash: Clay Bennett Is A Liar
Since they bought the Seattle Sonics, Clay Bennett and company have claimed that they did not have the initial intention to move the team to Oklahoma City. (They even told David Stern as much.) No one has ever believed them, and now there's proof....

Kenny Mayne Would Like To Sell You His Finest Meats And Cheeses
Today we unveil a new feature on Deadspin, creatively titled, "Interviews of a Lifetime," where I, A.J. Daulerio, will attempt to interview a person of note in the sports, media,or entertainment community and attempt to learn something newsworthy that could be passed on to you fine readers of the in...

Observations From Opening Night At Shea
We attended our first baseball game of the season last night, a sloppy, ugly, slightly comical 8-2 Mets win over the Phillies. We tried to attribute it to a cold April night, but seriously, we're not sure the Phillies were actually wearing gloves....

To Watch Tonight
What to watch after you pry the remote from his cold, dead hands ... • MLB: Phillies vs. Mets (7 p.m., ET) Time for Pelfrey Magic! [ESPN2] • NBA: Celtics vs. Wizards (7 p.m., ET); Suns vs. Spurs (9:30 p.m., ET). It's Guys Night Out! [ESPN] • NHL: Eastern Conference quarterfinals, Game 1, Senators vs...

Eli Manning's Reach-Around Courtesy Is Impressive
Yeah, that episode may not get by network censors....