eve Page 135 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The NBA's Anti-Tanking Reform For Sure Hasn't Solved Sucking
The NBA recently messed with the odds in the draft lottery in order to discourage teams from tanking, but the real fruits of that move will be revealed over time, and anyway certain teams—looking at you, Phoenix—need no promise of draft lottery gold in order to just profoundly suck and lose all the ...
Nik Stauskas And Wade Baldwin's Wacky Trade Adventure Ends In Indianapolis
When this week began, Nik Stauskas was already playing on his third team in the past two seasons. Like, actually kind of playing: 15.3 minutes per game with the Portland Trail Blazers. Third-year guard Wade Baldwin IV, who was already on his second NBA club, played significantly less. It was not rea...
Yelling And Grunting Tennis Player Who Wouldn't Shut Up Wins Tournament, Yells Some More
There are plenty of neat facts about 21-year-old Maxime Cressy’s title at the ATP Challenger Cleveland. He’s still a UCLA senior; this was just his second time ever playing a Challenger event; and he had to win seven straight matches, including qualifying. Cressy earned 90 big-league ATP rankings po...
The Warriors Coaching Staff Is Heartbroken About Missing The All-Star Game
The Warriors coaching staff has worked two All-Star Games in their run of dominating the league, and that apparently that’s enough. Or maybe they just really don’t want to spend a weekend in Charlotte. (Either way, who can blame them?) After beating the Lakers last night, though, the coaches’ midsea...
Black Cat Interrupts Everton Game, Much To The Delight Of Suffering Home Supporters
Despite their team being down 3-1 to Wolverhampton Wanderers on Saturday, the Everton supporters at Goodison Park finally had something to cheer about in the 67th minute of the match as a black cat had invaded the pitch. Play had to be stopped for about five minutes as players waited for the cat to ...
Tennis Player Takes Grunting And Yelling To Extreme; Colleagues Plead With Him To "Shut Up"<em></em>
Typically, tennis players grunt in order to hit a little harder and mess with the opponent’s perception of the ball. Maxime Cressy, meanwhile, seems to grunt in tribute to tennis great Waluigi. The world No. 335 can be heard moaning almost every time he strikes the ball—sometimes both before and dur...
The Knicks Say Kristaps Porzingis Wasn't On Board With Their Plan, Which Is Definitely Not Just A Magic 8-Ball
The Knicks traded away Kristaps Porzingis, taking back Dennis Smith Jr., expiring contracts, and a couple of first-round draft picks, one of which is contingent on the condition of another draft pick, and may finally convey under weird, potentially unappealing circumstances. To hear the Knicks tell ...
I, The One Person Who Still Doesn't Believe In The Patriots, Know They'll Finally Be Exposed As A Sham In Their Third Straight Super Bowl
After my previous missive, one written before the New England Patriots defeated the Kansas City Chiefs in the AFC title game and earned a trip to the Super Bowl, I had many common oafs criticize my prognostication through electronic mail and other various mediums. You lummox, these messages would st...
Here Is A Delightful Anecdote From Cameron Jordan About The Browns Being Incompetent
Now, everyone knows that former Cal defensive lineman Cameron Jordan was selected with the 24th overall pick in the 2011 NFL Draft. What the Tom Heckert/Pat Shurmur–era Browns presupposed at the time was....maybe he wasn’t?...
Steven Adams Unleashes World's Worst Euro-Step
Steven Adams is a big heavy metal-looking Kiwi monster who does cool basketball things all the time, and this season he’s played his way into serious All-Star consideration by being efficient as shit and co-anchoring one of the NBA’s best defenses. Mostly he’s stayed pretty chill through all this, b...
The Browns' Agonizing Rebuild Included Accidentally Projecting A Bunch Of Porn On The Wall<em></em>
ESPN’s Seth Wickersham has a new story out detailing the internal dysfunction that has plagued the Cleveland Browns throughout Jimmy Haslam’s ownership of the team. There’s all sorts of good reporting in here that explains what kind of owner Haslam is and how the Browns have been a franchise at war ...
Mavericks Ban Heckler Accused Of Shouting "Fuck Your Mother" At Patrick Beverley
The Mavericks fan whose verbal exchange with Clippers guard Patrick Beverley last month ended with Beverley getting ejected for throwing the ball into the stands has been banned from the arena for the rest of this season....
It's Me, I'm The One Person Who Still Doesn't Believe In The Patriots
The New England Patriots, the second playoff seed of their conference, are preparing for Sunday’s AFC title game against the Kansas City Chiefs by pushing the idea that no one believes in them, a team that’s been to eight straight AFC title games. You might be asking, Who are they actually calling o...
Smooth-Brained Trump Lackey Finds Worst Possible Use For <i>NBA 2K19</i>
The latest iteration of the NBA 2K franchise allows players to design and customize their very own NBA arena. Nobody has put this feature to more depressing use than former White House communications staffer Steven Cheung:...
Practically All The Australian Tennis Men Have Been Dragged Into Bernard Tomic's Beef
The tennis world down under has been roiled by beef. Former Australian great Lleyton Hewitt now captains his country’s Davis Cup team, but he isn’t very popular among his young charges, if you take the word of Bernard Tomic, the prickly 26-year-old who was long ago one of Australia’s brightest prosp...
I Am Very Excited About The Freddie Kitchens Era
Freddie Kitchens beat out a host of strong candidates for the Browns’ head coaching job, including Joey Bathrooms, Bobby Closets, and, of course, Gregg Williams. ...
Blake Griffin Strongly Denies Ignoring Steve Ballmer's Handshake, For Some Reason
Blake Griffin had a solid revenge game against his former team on Saturday. In his first game back to Los Angeles since getting traded to Detroit, he put up 44 points, eight rebounds, five assists and three steals in the 109-104 victory. It even looked like he got a chance to stick it to Clippers o...
Trevor Bauer Whines About Reporters Not Interviewing Him, Flees Interview When Asked About His Tweets<em></em>
Two days after Trevor Bauer sort of admitted it was wrong of him to harass a 21-year-old woman on Twitter, he’s still very tender about the topic. When the Cleveland pitcher was asked about it today in a media session with reporters, he literally fled the scrum before the reporter could even finish ...
Dumb Little Pissbaby Trevor Bauer Got In Trouble And It's Going To Make Him So Mad He Can't Tweet About This Blog<em></em>
Less than three hours after tweeting “I’ve done nothing wrong,” Trevor Bauer sort of admitted it was wrong of him to harass a 21-year-old woman on Twitter for days and days....
Gregg Williams Is Now Free To Talk To All Of Those NFL Teams Who Wanted Him As A Head Coach<em></em>
The Browns decided today that offensive coordinator Freddie Kitchens will be the team’s next head coach. He will be tasked with leading the Browns into what appears to be a promising future, and he will not be joined on that journey by defensive coordinator Gregg Williams....