eve Page 287 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

If Tebow's Tithing, the Lord Made <em>Bank</em> Off Nike Yesterday
I don't know what's more frightening: That someone wrote 314 words about an epic yet unfulfilling Hajj to get his hands on the new Tim Tebow kicks or that I read all 314 words....

Startling Penalty Miss Alert: Spanish Second Division Edition
Mind doctors will tell you that the key to a decent penalty is a technique called "positive visualisation". Mehmet Aurelio is not at the forefront of this practice....

This Is What It Looks Like When You Get Hit In The Face With A Beer Bottle
Oklahoma State linebacker Jamie Blatnick pleaded not guilty to (allegedly) hitting former teammate Steve Denning in the face with a beer bottle during a bar scrap early Sunday morning. [TulsaWorld]...

Last Night's Winner: Akron, But Not Cleveland. No, Never Cleveland.
In sports, everyone is a winner-some people just win better than others. Like the fine people of Akron, Ohio, who received thanks from LeBron James in a full-page newspaper ad that didn't happen to mention Cleveland or the Cavaliers....

X-Games Flasher, Large Photo Make For R-Rated Where's Waldo
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Breaking: Knife Twisted Further
The rumor is that the new-look Heat will open the season in Cleveland. But because every goddamn thing has to be televised, we'll know for sure when the NBA announced opening week, Christmas and MLK Day matchups tomorrow in primetime. [Plain Dealer]...

Miami Bound Cavs Star Thanks Cleveland Fans. Not <em>That</em> One, Obviously.
Zydrunas Ilgauskas took out a full page ad in yesterday's Plain Dealer, thanking the fans for his time spent in Cleveland. It's a nice gesture, but why does the wording leave an odd taste in our mouths?...

Steve Sarkisian Taunts Lane Kiffin With Cellphone Picture
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: everyone's favorite embattled college football coach: Lane Kiffin....

LeBron Jersey Guy Speaks, Confirming Everything We Thought About Him
Matthew Bellamy is back for his third day of Internet fame, doing local news and posting abrasive Facebook messages. We've been told not to use the word "douchebag" on the site, but...I don't know how to finish that sentence....

Jack Tatum Wasn't A Good Person, Says Steve Grogan
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: former Patriots Super Bowl losing quarterback Steve Grogan....

The LeBron Jersey Guy From The Indians Game Speaks!
Matt Bellamy, who riled up an entire city, says he'd move to Florida too if he could find a way. But the siren song of Sandusky is too strong! [Cleveland Frowns]...

Young Man United Lad Scores A Really Lovely Goal
Tom Cleverley: remember the name. He scored a goal in the match against the MLS All Stars, which would be described in America as "awesome", or "win!", or "neat", or "rad"....

This Is Outstanding, Again
DJ Steve Porter is back with "Press Hop 2," mashing up the greatest press conference moments, dropping a beat, and throwing in a little autotune for good measure. Never change, egotistical sports figures....

Where Does Sergio Kindle Rank On A List Of Great Falling-Down-Stairs Moments?
The Ravens rookie tumbled down not one, but two flights of stairs. He's in stable condition with a head injury, and will be fine. Kindle, LB, Texas. MUST IMPROVE: basic motor functions....

The Truth About John Terry And Steven Gerrard Revealed
As pointed out many times, The Spoiler is very well connected, with a mob of secret squirrels all over the country, listening through boardroom walls with mini-pint jugs pressed to their ears, smoking endless cigarellos....

Best News Lede Ever? Best News Lede Ever.
"A German court on Tuesday threw out the case of a schoolteacher against a pupil who allegedly tormented her by scrawling pictures of rabbits on the blackboard to aggravate her rabbit phobia." [The Local] (H/T Tom K.)...

<em>Major League</em> Manager Dies
James Gammon—the manager from Major League and a lot of other stuff—died over the weekend after a long battle with cancer. Everybody smoke a pack of Marlboro Reds and talk like him in his honor. [Backstage]...

Mayweather/Pacquiao Deadline Passes, Mayweather/Pacquiao Deadline Doesn't Really Pass
As far as media conference calls go, the 3 a.m. ones are the best....

In Which We Try To Class Up That Burger King Parking Lot Fight Video
Yesterday's fight video was so operatic in scale and intensity of emotion that we figured we'd give it the soundtrack it deserves....

America's Dumbest Student-Athlete Nominee: Steve Blake, University Of Maryland
This essay titled "Happy days at Johnny's" was submitted multiple times by Duke fans who claim this ridiculous ode to Johnny Rockets burger joint was penned by former Maryland guard Steve Blake. Embrace the happiness....