eve Page 296 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Angry Interplanetary Ice Bear Will Destroy Anchorage, Bring Back Hockey
Seriously, this bear is fucking pissed. Wouldn't you be if you were the mascot for an obscure college hockey team in Fairbanks and then got banished to the stars? I would certainly want to smash some shit up, starting with that small moon over there. Do not fuck with the Nanook Space Bear....
Rushin Literature
Steve Rushin, the punster who used to write awesome features and dreadful columns for Sports Illustrated, has a novel dropping next year. It's about "a friendly and unassuming lover of clever wordplay and television sports." Steve's really stretching himself. [Amazon]...
Brady Quinn's Wild Ride Comes To An End. For Now.
Yes, campers, Derek Anderson (née Horse Balls) has been summoned to save the struggling football team in Cleveland once again. [SI/WaitingForNextYear/ClevelandFrowns]...
Eric Wedge: Dead Man Walking
Manager Eric Wedge and his coaching staff will finish out the season on the Cleveland Indians bench. But don't worry—he's still totally fired. [Plain Dealer]...
Seats For Steve Kerr and 7,000 Of His Closest Friends
Yes, I know we're getting a little women's basketball-y tonight. But it's the first game of the WNBA Finals! See that packed house in Phoenix? Here's a tip: a lot of those people aren't exactly paying customers....
A DeShawn Stevenson Divided Against Itself Cannot Stand
The Wizards guard spent the offseason getting a bizarre Abraham Lincoln tattoo on his neck. (It's like redefining the "neckbeard.") He also got a backward Pirates logo on his face. I'm sure it made sense at the time. [WashTimes/TruthAboutIt]...
Browns' No-Nonsense Rookie Apparently Not Familiar With Concept Of "Prank"
Rookie Coye Francies turned punchy yesterday after fellow teammates playfully dowsed him with a bucket of ice. Abram Elam deflected Francies' blows before Shaun Rogers managed to pull the rookie out of the locker room by his shirt.[ESPN]...
Steve McNair Murder Scene An Ill-Advised Halloween Display
Halloween! Time to scare the kiddies with graphic depictions of recently murdered NFL quarterbacks! That's what one amusement park figures, at least before the inevitable boycott. Let's work up our righteous indignation....
Delonte West Is "The Road Warrior"
Cavs guard Delonte West was arrested last night, carrying two handguns and a shotgun. On his motorcycle. A) Where was he carrying the shotgun? (Answer below!) B) Was there an apocalypse that no one told me about? [WUSA9/Plain-Dealer]...
This Man Has An Opinion On The NL West
Former Journey lead singer Steve Perry is a Giants fan. "Don't Stop Believin'" is the Dodgers' 2009 anthem. That, in the journalism industry, is what we call: conflict!...
O.J. Simpson's Last Remaining Fan (And Other Tales Of Woe)
We got many weekend submissions for Morning Crap that weren't good enough to "wake up!" to (or earn their own post) but were too good not to share. So they morphed into this special Voltron-like gallery of awesomeness. Tremble, weaklings!...
I Hope Your Team Wins At Sports This Weekend!
Thank you for letting me play in your sandbox today. I have no idea what any of you are talking about! That being said, you dudes were great. I hope it's not awkward when we run into each other later!...
Brady Quinn Will Guide Your Browns To Victory In 2009, New Media Says
The Cleveland Plain Dealer reports that Eric Mangini has confirmed the report by Pro Football Talk via Terrell Owens' congratulatory Twitter message that Quinn will start this Sunday against the Vikings. Welcome to the new journalism. [Cleveland Plain Dealer]...
Why Your Team Sucks: Cleveland Browns
Some people are fans of the Cleveland Browns. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Cleveland Browns. This 2009 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group....
Oklahoma State Fans Incensed Over New Lame-Ass Fight Song
The Oklahoma State Cowboys are unveiling a new pre-game song this year which has some alumni and current students upset due to the tune's overall nonsensical wussiness. Cowboys Forever, y'all....
Scoring At Home: Your <em>SportsCenter</em> Catchphrase-O-Meter
An occasional feature in which we explain and evaluate a SportsCenter anchor's pet phrase. Today's phrase: "Mahatma ... Gandhi."...
Scoop Jackson Loses His Mind, Again
Scoop on Brett Favre: "If he were a woman, he wouldn't be able to get away with this and still be respected, because this is not the behavior of respectable ladies...They have names for women like that." [ESPN.com]...
Shaq Gets First Career Steal
Everyone catch "Shaq Vs." the other night? No? The gist is, a professional athlete's pretty good at sports, especially when the incompetent teammates are openly throwing the game. But here's a shocker: Shaq stole the idea! Maybe....
ESPN Videos Now Include Their Own Blooper Reels, "Bitch"
The funniest part of any Burt Reynolds movie is when they roll the bloopers during the closing credits. So ESPN's video folks must have figured, "Why not just leave the part where Paul Severino starts swearing in this game preview?"...