ew Page 2330 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Weirder The Finals Get, The Better
The news from the NBA Finals is all good, kids, and it is this: Nobody has any narratives left to invent. The events of Games 1 and 2 have savaged all the preconceptions, conceptions, and the way it’s looking, the post-conceptions of this series. Nobody has any idea what’s coming next, and nobody wi...
Zlatan Assists Zlatan For A Typically Stupendous Zlatan Bicycle Kick Goal
Zlatan Ibrahimović has been consistently Zlataning since coming to MLS, scoring 32 goals in 38 games, but it’s been a while since his last truly memorable Zlatan moment. Possibly in recognition of this relative drought, Zlatan pulled off a spectacular Zlatan on Sunday, with a Zlatan-y sequence of sk...
The Warriors Should Have Been Fucked
There’s no such thing as an NBA Finals loss that doesn’t sting, but some of them hurt more than others. The J.R. Smith Disaster was so demoralizing that you knew, even though it happened in Game 1, that the Cavs would never recover. Last night’s Game 2, which the Raptors lost 109-104, was not nearly...
Warriors Come Alive In Third Quarter, Even NBA Finals
For one and a half games of the 2019 NBA Finals, it looked like the Toronto Raptors were the better team. Then the first six minutes of Game 2’s third quarter happened....
Draymond Green Wants It Known That He Did <i>Not</i> Scuffle With Drake
Raptors super fan and legendary cornball Drake was an unusually subdued presence during Game 1 of the NBA Finals in Toronto, perhaps because he got a stern talking-to from the league. But, with an assist from a salty Draymond Green, Drake still managed to deliver another meme-able moment after the f...
Fred VanVleet Can Do No Wrong
How big a lead does a team have to have on the Warriors before its fans can feel comfortable? Twenty points with two minutes left? Fifteen points with 30 seconds to go? To me, it didn’t feel like the Raptors had Game 1 locked up until they were actually dribbling out the final ticks, up nine with th...
Raptors Fight Off Every Warriors Push To Grab A Comfortable Game 1 Victory
In retrospect, we had a pretty solid indication that things were turning Toronto’s way in the build up to their Game 1 victory over the Warriors:...
Drake Tries Very Hard To Pretend He Doesn't Have Steph Curry And Kevin Durant's Jersey Numbers Tattooed On His Body
The world was very nearly spared a couple week’s worth of energetic Drake sightings Thursday night, when Andre Iguodala of the Golden State Warriors went careening into the sidelines late in the first half of Game 1 of the NBA Finals. Iguodala missed hurling the bulk of his giant NBA frame into the ...
A Thorough And Informative 2019 NBA Finals Preview For Basketball Idiots
Hello, casual basketball viewer! At long last, the NBA Finals are here, and you know what that means: It’s time once again for you to crib a pitiful smattering of hoops knowledge from this extremely half-assed blog and carry it forth to the sports bar like the torch that lights your path....
Let's Talk Ourselves Into This NBA Finals Matchup
The NBA Finals would seem great to someone who only recently decided to care about NBA basketball. You’ve got your dynastic bulletproof Golden State Warriors, currently minus injured cornball virtuoso Kevin Durant but otherwise as monstrously dominant as ever. You’ve also got the Toronto Raptors, a ...
The Dodgers Did What They Are Built To Do: Hurt People
You can look at what happened to the Mets in Los Angeles last night—blowing an 8-3 lead in the final three innings and getting walked off by the Dodgers—as yet another example of the hopeless and bumbling Mets hopelessly bumbling to an embarrassing result. That’s fair enough, because the Mets are th...
A Calm But Occasionally Perplexing Interview With The Ex-NBA Scout Who Beefed With All His Critics On Twitter
Bryan Oringher, a former video coordinator for the Wizards as well as a former scout for the Raptors and Hawks, has since left the NBA to make a career in public-facing basketball commentary. The one hitch in that plan is that he has struggled to peacefully interface with the public....
Even If The Warriors Win, Oakland Loses
This is the real NBA Finals, the one that transcends Larry O’Brien, Kevin Durant, Kawhi Leonard, Doris Burke, Woj, Adam Silver, dynasties, the next Why-The-Lakers-Are-On-Fire tell-all, the works. This is Oakland’s last stand with the team it raised from a pup, its last healthy bite of an apple that ...
Rough-Touch Football Gave Me More Than Just Money And Bruises
Bear called around seven and told me to wake up Moe....
Todd Frazier Eats Pancakes Weird
Mets guy Todd Frazier had some chocolate-chip pancakes....
Tim Tebow Chooses To Watch, Stand Fast In The Faith, And Strike Out Looking Against Position Player
When we last checked in with Tim Tebow, he was preparing for professional life full of Triple-A baseball and a personal life full of matrimonial sex. Tebow and his fiancée still haven’t officially tied the knot, so the sex is still on hold, as is the progress of his baseball career. Tebow has been e...
Top Recruit Stiff-Arms The NCAA
High school basketball player R.J. Hampton is the No. 5-ranked prospect on ESPN’s list of 100 recruits from the class of 2019, and this morning we all found out that he will not be playing college basketball next season. Instead, he will be playing in the Australian pro league as a member of the New...
AEW's Double Or Nothing Delivered As Both A Mission Statement And A Wrestling Show
LAS VEGAS — All Elite Wrestling’s inaugural event on Saturday night at the MGM Grand Garden Arena in Las Vegas gave fans a lot to digest, but more importantly it delivered a well-balanced and suitably fulfilling feast. What was supposed to be a taste of what’s to come from AEW, both in the ring and ...
What Can The Raptors Possibly Do To Make People Believe The Lie?
The Raptors took down the Bucks on Saturday, 100-94, to clinch an NBA Finals berth for the first time in franchise history. With that series victory, Toronto seemingly vanquished the infamous Drake curse, exorcised the demons of past postseason failures and even vindicated Kawhi Leonard’s place as ...
Gabrielle Union Needed To Tell Dwyane Wade That Milk Doesn't Cost $20
After years of scheduled practices, workouts, and games, the unstructured life of retirement can be a shock for any professional athlete who decides to hang it up for the last time at the end of their season. But for some, the shock of adjusting to everyday life doesn’t have to be a bad thing, as D...