ew Page 2848 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Last Night's NFL Broadcast Featured A Lot Of Jets Fans Who Were Pissed Off, Ridiculously Dressed, Or Both
Perhaps you heard the Jets lost last night in rather hilarious fashion. The Patriots beat New York up, down, sideways, and into dimensions not yet discovered or even imagined. The result? A lot of sad Jets fans, many of whom put on their finest in turkeyhat millinery just for the occasion. Here are...
Jim Schwartz's Illegal Challenge Doubled The Texans' Chances Of Winning The Game
With the possible exception of the tuck rule, the rule that tripped up the Lions and Jim Schwartz has to be one of the dumbest in the game. You don't have to throw the challenge flag because we'll review it on our own, the rulebook says, but if you throw the challenge flag we won't review it....
How To Eat Your Leftovers: A Guide For Slobs
The morning following Thanksgiving is a bleary, cotton-mouthed, dead-eyed time—a time for questions, a time of Reckoning. "Oh, Jesus, how much did I drink yesterday?" and, "Am I going to die?" and, "Why do I keep doing this to myself?" and, "Am I in Fort Worth? How did I come to be in Fort Worth?" T...
The Jetsiest Jets Play Ever: Mark Sanchez Fumbles After Getting Floored By His Lineman's Ass
A Mark Sanchez fumble, caused by a teammate's ass in mid-pratfall, returned for a touchdown. God bless you, New York Jets. You're one of life's inherently funny things, like words with "k" sounds or Millard Fillmore or talking bears. ...
Gift Guide Roundup: Your Best Sports Shirts Suggestions
We asked you to point us in the direction of some cool sports shirts, and you did not disappoint. Here's what to buy people who like sports and shirts for Christmas....
Take Your "Elite" Quarterback Argument And Shove It Up Your Stupid Butthole
Drew Magary's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season....
Ben Roethlisberger Spawned
According to the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, Ben Roethlisberger announced on his website that he and his wife, Ashley, whom he did not meet in the bathroom of some college bar, had a son at 10:06 p.m. yesterday. It's a seven-pound, one-ounce baby boy, and his name is Benjamin Roethlisberger Jr. No word...
Gift Guide Roundup: Your Best Instant Throwback Suggestions
Last week, we asked all of you to tell us what instant throwbacks would make for the best Christmas gifts, because instant throwbacks are funny. Here's what you came up with, and a few that we thought of as well....
Here's A Young Basketball Fan Unabashedly Ogling A Cheerleader
I kind of feel bad for this kid. I mean, you can see the exact moment that he goes into total sensory overload. He's got courtside seats, and then there is free candy in his face, and then OH MY GOD BOOBIES. SUCH BIG BOOBIES. It's too much for one young man to handle....
Eating: A Strategic Guide
How does one eat a Thanksgiving meal? On its face this might seem like a ridiculous question, and also everywhere else too. I mean, who doesn't know how to eat? (Excepting the British, of course.) Thanksgiving is marked, more than anything else, by its abundance of tasty foodstuffs; practically spea...
Bristolmetrics: <i>SportsCenter</i> Introduces WAR, Degenerates Into Shouting About Basement-Dwelling Nerds
This a regular feature breaking down, minute-by-minute, the content that appears on ESPN's 11 p.m. edition of SportsCenter throughout the week....
Zach Randolph Talks About His Almost-Fight With Kendrick Perkins, Sounds Like A Crazy Person
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Z-Bo calls himself "a jacking dude."...
The Cleveland Browns Will Be Giving Out White Flags For Fans To Wave During Sunday's Game
Hey, fans of the 2-8 Browns! Are you having trouble getting excited for Sunday's game against the Charlie Batch-quarterbacked Steelers? Come on, it includes the return of Plaxico Burress! This is AFC North football at its finest! But maybe you're still hesitant about this game's quality. You might ...
In Prank War Before Big Game, High School Leaves Dead Cat On Rival's Doorstep
Tomorrow is the big Phillipsburg-Easton football game, an Thanksgiving tradition for the rival schools on either side of the N.J.-Pennsylvania border. Tensions can run high, but it's usually all in good fun. Over the weekend, Phillipsburg students stole "Red Rover," the stone bulldog statue that sit...
Holiday Gift Guide: Gifts For People Who Like To Drink
You know what goes hand in hand with the holiday season? Booze. Lots of booze. This means that buying someone a gift that is either booze or something that will help them drink more booze is a really good idea. Let's make a list of the best gifts to get the drinker in your life. Share your suggesti...
Tufts Takes Away Lance Armstrong's Honorary Degree
When Lance Armstrong gave the commencement speech at Tufts University in 2006, the school awarded him an honorary doctorate of letters. They cited his "tremendous grit and courage," and called his cycling comeback "a story of sheer determination."...
University Of Iowa Suspends Two Members Of Wrestling Team After They Were Allegedly Caught Hunting Rabbits On Campus
Iowa Hawkeyes wrestlers probably reside in an awkward position. They're some of the best in the nation at their sport—the team won NCAA titles in 2008, 2009, and 2010—but they're also wrestlers, which means they inevitably carry all sorts of antibiotic-resistant strains of ringworm and staph and are...
Rasheed Wallace Yells "Ball Don't Lie" Because Sheed Likes To Yell Things
The absolute best conceit in basketball is there is some sort of cosmic justice. If a player makes an undeserved trip to the line on a ticky-tack foul, the telltale ball will betray the shooter. This worked to perfection last night, as Rasheed Wallace—the chattiest player in the game—felt he was d...
<i>Red Dawn</i>: The Movie That Will Make You Hate America
In general, I don't put a lot of stock in criticisms that accuse Hollywood movies of influencing social behavior. Yes, some films glorify violence, but rather than inspiring horrible acts, I think Hollywood mostly responds to what's already out there in the culture, catering to particular audiences ...
D-III Player's 138 Point-Game Is A Sham Record And Shouldn't Be Celebrated By Anyone
Jack Taylor, of the Grinnell College Pioneers, scored 138 points in a game last night, against Faith Baptist Bible College. It's a mindblowing number, shattering the old NCAA mark of 113, and it's being trumpeted as one of sports' all-time individual achievements. It is not. It is bullshit. It is ju...