ew Page 2972 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Hunter Accidentally Shoots Girlfriend, Says He Was Aiming For Hog
Ohio or Florida? Florida. The woman is listed in serious condition, and the man is probably thinking he should have used a different excuse. [WKMG, h/t TheCarlosRuizSpanishEnglishDictionary]...

Panthers Somehow Blame Devils Fans For Ruining Rat-Throwing Tradition
Before their 1995 home opener, a rat entered the Panthers locker room—and was promptly killed with a slapshot by Scott Mellanby. The legend took hold, and as Florida made a finals run, the "rat trick" was born. After Panthers goals and wins, fans would throw hundreds of rubber rats onto the ice....

John Tortorella Uttered Just Six Words During His Entire Media Session Yesterday
"No." "I don't know." "Both." "Good?" The complete exchange of questions and, um, answers lasted for 26 seconds. [WSJ]...

Why Did We Ever Think Ron Artest Was Interesting?
I was one of those Internet people who participated in the rebranding of Ron Artest when he arrived in L.A. a couple years ago. I wrote a sidebar to this Maxim article that branded Artest as the NBA's most lovable goofball, an article included bullshit quotes like this one from Phil Jackson:...

Reggie Evans Was Not Elbowed By Metta World Peace, But He Flopped Like He Was
The Hornets' Greivis Vasquez was initially whistled for a Flagrant Foul 2 for what he did here to Reggie Evans after Evans set a hard screen on him at midcourt. But the call was changed to a plain old personal foul against Vasquez after a video review proved Evans was more James Franco than James...

Vancouver Fans Quietly Shuffle Home Without Bothering Anyone
This Canucks season ended slightly more prosaically than the last one. No fires, no broken windows, no hungover city sheepishly cleaning up after itself and swearing that its thousands of jersey-clad rioters in no way represent the fans or Vancouver....

NJ Troopers Under Investigation For Escorting Brandon Jacobs's 100 MPH "Death Race"
New 49ers running back Brandon Jacobs loves him some fast cars. His collection has been featured in auto magazines, and after being booed by Giants fans in October, he responded "I've got nothing positive to say. The most positive thing: I got family at home and I got a fast-ass car being delivered ...

ESPN's Infinite Big Board Shows You All The Upcoming NBA Games, Forever
Yo dawg, we heard you like the NBA Big Board so we put the NBA Big Board in your NBA Big Board so you can look at upcoming games while you look at upcoming games....

Fox Sports Arizona Did A Text Poll Asking Who's The Best In The NL East, And They Listed Every Team Except The Mets
The above comes from the Diamondbacks-Braves game on Sunday afternoon, which Ian Kennedy and company wound up winning 6-4....

Former NBA Big Man Matt Geiger Was "Relocated" From Tropicana Field For Interfering With Carlos Peña On A Foul Ball
On a lazy Sunday in April, Matt Geiger—journeyman center for the Miami Heat, Charlotte Hornets and Philadelphia 76ers—probably enjoys soaking in the sun and taking in a ballgame. Not necessarily at the same time, though, since he was at The Trop causing a scene and interfering with Carlos Peña on ...

Stalker Sends Olympic High Jumper Ariane Friedrich A Picture Of His Genitals, She Outs Him Via Facebook
Rough times for stalkers/twisted assholes. Not long after Jon Lovitz took to Twitter to expose bullying tween-aged anti-Semites, German Olympian Ariane Friedrich chose to out a man on Facebook for stalking her and sending her a picture of his "genitals," otherwise known as "penis and testicles."...

Metta World Peace's Elbow Waged War On James Harden's Head
Metta World Peace earned an ejection from today's Lakers-Thunder game when his celebration after a second-quarter dunk included an elbow to the side of James Harden's head. ...

It's Official, World's Dumbest Criminal Found After Trying To Sell Weed To His Old Parole Officer
We find our man, Cedrick Barnes, in Florence, South Carolina. It seems Cedrick had some extra weed laying around and thought to himself, "I should really sell this stuff." So Cedrick did what any one of us would have: he started cold-calling everyone in his cell phone contacts to see if anyone want...

Extra, Extra! Read All About It: Tom Brady Dressed Liked A Weirdo
Tom Brady was at the grand opening for some clotheshorse boutique in Boston this weekend with Gisele and posed for this picture with the shop owner. Evidently, he decided to use his wardrobe to pay homage to his old job....

Italian Soccer Match Delayed When Fans Demand Players Hand Over Their Jerseys
Today's Serie A match between Genoa and Siena was delayed for 30 minutes when Genoa supporters, angered by the team being down 4-0, took matters into their own hands. As reported at Goal.com:...

Today In Jose Canseco Tweets As Motivational Posters: Hunger
I'm going to be wrapping up Josayings because I've had the feeling like he's been in on the joke recently and there has been a lot of poking around and maybe he actually is in on it. Either way, it's better to burn out than fade away so I'll be dropping a few more this weekend that I never got arou...

Here Is Another Gruesome Aussie Football Leg Injury
This time, it was Gary Rohan of the Sydney Swans. During the Swans' match against North Melbourne, Ryan had his feet tangled with an opposing player's and ended up with the bottom of his foot facing upward and a compound fracture of his tibia. He will miss the rest of the season....

Richard Marx Goes Yard Off Dennis Eckersley, Chicago Cubs Win World Series
I have no idea how I don't remember this video, because I definitely remember the song. Maybe you don't remember it either. Maybe we buried it deep within our collective subconscious....

Penn State Offered To Rename Beaver Stadium After Joe Paterno So His Family Would Not Sue The School
Penn State and the Paterno family have quickly morphed from college football royalty to a sad episode of The Bickersons in a matter of months. After unceremoniously firing Paterno in the wake of his laissez-faire handling of the Jerry Sandusky allegations, the school offered certain concessions to ...

Manchester United Blew A Two-Goal Lead With Ten Minutes Left To Hold Open The Premiership Door
A win over Everton today would have virtually assured Manchester United yet another Premier League championship—and given the Red Devils were playing at home against a team that has never beaten them in the EPL hasn't won an EPL match at Old Trafford in 20 years, it should have been a lock....