ew Page 3102 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Vanilla Ice Will Perform At The Timberwolves Game Friday
This is a special moment for the white people of Minnesota. Vanilla Ice, fresh off his eighth studio album, will perform at halftime of the Wolves/Celtics game this Friday. I don't know his set list, but I'm sure he'll play all your favorite. [NBA.com]...

The Marlins' Home Run Sculpture Is Alive
When I was young, the Mets tricked me into rooting for them solely by that giant fiberglass apple. I couldn't wait for Howard Johnson or Kevin McReynolds to hit a home run, just so I could see the apple rise out of the similarly comically oversized top hat. So maybe, at 28, I'm no longer in the de...

Kimbo Slice Lands A Very Suspicious Knockout
Kimbo Slice, former bouncer, former internet streetfighter, former MMA sensation and washout, is now trying his hand at boxing. And while one doesn't usually start a successful boxing career at 38 years of age, Slice has gone undefeated in three matches by being matched against even more unlikely...

There Were Three Stooges At Yesterday's NASCAR Event, And They Were Not Named Dale, Darryl, Or Darrell
From the moment he slipped the fire suit over his frizzed hair, Larry knew his dreams had finally become reality. He'd aspired to pilot the speed machine from the time he was five years old, playing with Matchbox—...

The NBA.com Boxscore Has The Silliest (And Best) Explanation For Why Tim Duncan Didn't Play Tonight
Tim Duncan wasn't hurt tonight. He merely took a day off from the daunting post-lockout grind to rest his bones, and his Spurs beat the Sixers anyway, 93-76. The ESPN.com boxscore says "DNP-REST." The NBA's, pictured above, wasn't so politically correct. "DND-OLD." Poor, poor, old Tim Duncan. He tur...

Dwyane Wade Hit A 65-Foot Buzzer-Beater
The Heat helped narrow what had been a sizable deficit in their battle with the Thunder in Oklahoma City thanks to this 3/4-court bomb to end the third quarter by Dwyane Wade. Mike Tirico was still only mildly impressed. [ESPN]...

Here's A Briefcase-Wielding Zombie Invading The Set Of The U.K.'s Channel Four News
I don't care to fathom much explanation for this. It's weird, and sometimes weird things are best left up to their own interpretations. (But, seriously, anyone heard anything from the Brits lately?)...
![Tiger Woods Wins First PGA Tour Event Since 2009 [UPDATE]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/Image_Not_Found_1x_qjofp8.png)
Tiger Woods Wins First PGA Tour Event Since 2009 [UPDATE]
Tiger Woods began the day at Bay Hill 11-under par with a one stroke lead over Graeme McDowell. He finished the day five strokes ahead of McDowell and won the Arnold Palmer Invitational with a 13-under par performance....

Football Commissioner Suffers Possible Concussion While Participating In Drills
Commissioner of the Lingerie Football League, that is. Sorry to get you all hot and bothered, James Harrison, Brandon Meritweather, New Orleans Saints fans, et al....

Here's The Dancing Baylor Fan Heard ’Round The World
We tweeted him out earlier in GIF form, but this Baylor fan enthusiastic that his team was within 13 (!) of Kentucky deserves the full Deadspin Video treatment—so here you are. [CBS]...

For Those Of You Living Under A Rock, Rony Seikaly Released An Album Last Week
The World Is Beautiful and Rony Seikaly wants us all to know. Whether it's his handsome face, his hypnotic music or his downloadable, zip file "Rony Seikaly" logo, "beautiful" is the understatement of the century....

Senate Candidate George "Macaca" Allen Busts His Own Bracket For Local Votes
That damned West region. Norfolk State really messed things up for most of us, but Virginia Senate candidate George Allen didn't need any help. He made a mess of things all by himself. After what must have been a lot of tossing and turning, Allen eventually picked Norfolk State—presumably upon lear...

High School Basketball Player With Down Syndrome Barred From Team Because He's Too Old
The Michigan High School Athletic Association has barred 19 year-old Eric Dompierre from playing with his basketball team because the rules prohibit anyone from playing if they are over 19 years old. This is (not really) a story about discrimination against those with Down Syndrome. It is a story a...

Roy Williams Used To Coach At Kansas, A Special Place
As we wait for one ex-coach to possibly face off against his old team, we've got one waiting for us in this evening's second game. Roy Williams used to coach for Kansas before returning to his alma mater, North Carolina. In case you weren't sure, here's a little taste....

Today In Jose Canseco Tweets As Motivational Posters: No Matter What
This is a feature wherein we celebrate Jose Canseco by creating motivational posters out of his actual tweets. We believe it is in this context that the world can best appreciate our favorite Bash Brother....

Meet Minor League Guy On Third, The Most Fascinating Cardinals Prospect Since Albert Pujols
My girlfriend is passionate about keeping a scorecard at the ballpark, but she doesn't bother with it when we go to Grapefruit League spring training games. There's so many roster changes and substitutions in the late innings, she says, and keeping up takes the fun out of enjoying beer & sunshine....

Rugby Player Suffers Gruesome Ankle Injury (NSFL)
This video comes from the National Rugby League in Australia and it is an absolute mess. Jharal Yow Yeh (in yellow and maroon) plays (played?) for the Brisbane Broncos and suffered a nasty compound fracture against the South Sydney Rabbitohs. That is bone sticking out. You've been warned....

Rick Pitino: Master Shit-Stirrer
After Louisville came back to beat Florida yesterday, securing a spot in the Final Four, Rick Pitino put on a clinic on how to troll an entire fanbase. With his left hand he builds, and with his right he tears down before you even notice. Asked about a potential showdown with intrastate super-rival...

Tim Tebow Laying Hands On Brian Dawkins And Other Stories
I did not see this story yesterday—must have been all the mud over my eyes. Having washed it away I can now see it and tell you it is wonderful. Behold:...

Tonight's "O Canada" Before The Pens-Sens Game Was So Bad Players Were Laughing Before It Finished
The Ottawa Senators hired opera singer and judge of Canada's Got Talent Measha Brueggergosman to sing the anthems before tonight's home matchup with the Pittsburgh Penguins, and got more than they bargained for—literally....