ew Page 3595 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
March Of The Penguins
Perhaps next time Jaromir Jagr should Czech his trash talking at the door (PUNTASTIC BURN!!!!) as the not quite Mario Lemieux-level Sidney Crosby and Evgeni Malkin helped to erase a 3-0 Rangers lead to give the Pens a 1-0 series advantage. Jagr had a chance to tie in the waning moments, but clanged ...
Teddy Wins His First Presidents Race!
Only to get disqualified by Screech, the world's most useless mascot, for cutting a corner of the warning track. He was just following Cartman's advice! That's okay, because I found Frank Robinson sitting with me in the bleeds down the right field line. As for the game, the Nats jumped to a lead wi...
Now You See T.O., Now You Don't
• Terrell Owens, vanishing from porn films. • Santonio Holmes is packing some heat. • Butterfingers for a Red Sox fan. • Jeff Passan and Terry Pettis. • Topless ladies (kinda) at Rockies games. • It's Jeff Reed night. • Yankees-Red Sox fight! • As spirited a defense of the NFL Draft as we could imag...
To Watch Tonight
What to watch after surviving the Great Jell-o Snack Pack Disaster of 2008 ... • Boxing: Middleweights, Andrey Tsurkan vs. Jesse Feliciano, at New York (9:30 p.m., ET). The return of El Rayo! [ESPN2] • NBA playoffs: Eastern Conference first round, Game 3, Detroit Pistons at Philadelphia 76ers (7 p.m...
Previewing The Stars-Sharks
Deadspin's NHL Conference Semifinal Series Previews are being brought to you by Melt Your Face Off, where hockey is the official religion but all the editors are atheists. MYFO's Weed Against Speed breaks down the Dallas/San Jose series....
Tom Brady Is Out Of The Closet And Bent On Murder
Anyone watch Law & Order: Special Victims Unit? Apparently Tuesday's episode involved a thinly disguised version of Tom Brady, who was a gay quarterback implicated in a murder. Sample dialogue: "Lincoln Haver is gay? I thought he was dating Natasha Gorski, that hot supermodel." "You can't blame Linc...
Previewing The Rangers-Penguins
Deadspin's NHL Conference Semifinal Previews come courtesy of Melt Your Face-Off. Over at MYFO, Sunday service starts tonight, and holding back when the collection plate comes around earns you a two-minute seat in the penalty pew. In the meantime, Hextall454 brings you the righteous preview of the N...
Byron Scott's Son Is Doing His Best To Support His Pops
We're still a little surprised that the New Orleans haven't caught on nationally quite yet. The Saints were an amazing, inspiring story that united the country (other than Eagles fans, of course), but the Hornets still just seem to glide past, with people still not quite aware of what Chris Paul is...
Joba Chamberlain Makes Clumsy Pass At Erin Andrews, Becomes Mortal (WITH UPDATE)
Actually I have no idea what the Yankees' Joba Chamberlain said to Erin Andrews at the conclusion of their interview on Wednesday, but whatever it was, Andrews was obviously repulsed. You can check out the video here and judge for yourself. Man, it looks like she just ate a bug. So then can it just ...
Fire Up the Car-B-Q, Montreal: The Flyers Are On Deck
Deadspin's NHL Conference Semifinal Series Previews are being brought to you by Melt Your Face Off, where hockey is the official religion but all the editors are atheists. MYFO's LeNoceur breaks down the Montreal/Philadelphia series....
Jay Glazer Owns The NFL
There's this thing about Jay Glazer that kind of makes you like him and annoyed by him at the same time. He seems like type of guy you'd hit the 50-cent wing and $8 pitcher special with at a bar for six hours, but then he'd get bored and drag you to a way-too fancy club just because "he knows people...
If You Don't Like The NFL Draft, You Can Suck It: Your NFL Draft Jamboroo
Big Daddy Drew's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo has been off since the end of the NFL season. But now, with Saturday's NFL draft looming, it returns, for one week only....
Previewing The Red Wings-Avalanche
The NHL playoffs continue tonight with the Conference Semifinals. The five degenerates over at Melt Your Face Off will preview each matchup....
Erin Andrews Likes A Man Who Fears Melanoma
Erin Andrews spilled some of her secrets about what she finds attractive in a man to ab-attentive magazine Men's Health. Of course she prefers the confident, virile strongman, but she doesn't like a peacock. Men scrambling for her attention should be "more laid back" about it, she says, and sugges...
ESPN Upgrades Its Spelling Bee Coverage
Hate to ruin your day, but Mike & Mike are out as hosts of the Scripps National Spelling Bee coverage on ESPN and ABC in May. Taking their place will be the perky Tom Bergeron — whose work on America's Funniest Home Videos was once again overlooked by the Nobel Committee — and a very special sideli...
Youth Prevails! (Except In San Antonio)
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who spent most of last night scribbling CP3-4-Me all over his Trapper Keeper. When he's not man-loving on Chris Paul, he can be found practicing his Duncan face at Basketbawful. Enjoy! The doctor is most definitely in. Chris Paul may not have graduated from...
Four Out Of Five Dentists Think Joe Girardi Is Nuts
Further proof that Joe Girardi is the Frank Burns of AL managers; he has forbidden the Yankees to eat candy or gum. Yes, that should turn the tide. New York would have four or five more World Series trophies if not for the evil of Skittles. Girardi is being really strict about this....
Catch New Jersey Nets Playoff Excitement!
It wasn't the best season for the New Jersey Nets — but hey, Vince Carter is still around! — but that's not stopping the Nets from maximizing all corporate sponsorship opportunities....