ew Page 3599 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Stuart Scott Obviously Feels Better
Wow, that "ESPN the Weekend" sure looks like it was fun. Here's Stuart Scott getting all Chuck D on the karaoke mic with proper S1W accompaniment by Charles Barkley playing the role of Flavor Flav and, hmm, Mr. Belding from "Saved By The Bell" obviously filling Professor Griff's giant shoes....

Pedro Hears A Pop
You didn't think Mets fans were going to stay happy and optimistic about the season very long, did you? Pedro Martinez pulled/tore/yoinked his hamstring/tendon/groin/anal fissure and very well might miss a few weeks. As if just to rub it in, new reliever Matt Wise gave up a walk-off homer to Robert ...

Eric Gagne, A Still Life
Perhaps our favorite ridiculous conspiracy theory about the Mitchell Report was that Sen. Mitchell, a Red Sox fan, was somehow attempting to stack the deck by ignoring potential Red Sox juicers. Not just that, but he happened to nail the one guy Sox fans hated the most at the time: Eric Gagne. Well,...

Cubs Still Somehow Manage To Fukudome Themselves
It all looked good for the Cubs, thanks to the mighty bat of Kosuke Fukudome, who went 3-for-3 with the game-tying home run off the hairy useless mess that now inhabits former lights-out closer Eric Gagne. But the Cubs still lost to the Milwaukee Brewers 4-3 in 10 innings. Bobby Howry gave up a sacr...

To Watch Tonight
What to watch after a night of moderate drinking ... • MLB: Los Angeles Angels at Minnesota (7 p.m., ET); Houston at San Diego (10 p.m., ET). Meet me at Nicky Rottens afterwards for a burger and a martini. [ESPN2] • NHL: Pittsburgh at New York Rangers (7 p.m., ET). All behold my Petr Prucha screensa...

Your AL Central "Preview"
All right, well, the season has supposedly started, though rain on Opening Day has to be some sort of cruel trick from God. So let's wrap up the last division....

Shaq's New Diesel
The black Perez Hiltons over at Media Take Out unveiled some photos of Shaq and his post-divorce hook-up, who if memory serves me correct, looks alarmingly similar to Shaq's ex-wife, Shaunie. (It seems Shaq has a thing for cinnamon-colored ladies with Legend of Billie Jean haircuts. )...

Baseball Season Preview: St. Louis Cardinals
For the third consecutive season, we are proud to introduce the Deadspin Baseball Season Previews. Yes, baseball is starting today....

Let's Ride The Bus Together
Greetings. Today is the first day as an official full-time member under the employ of one William F. Leitch and Gawker Media. What this role will actually entail has yet to be determined. We're hoping to have something hammered out over the next couple weeks so we don't confuse you, have duplicate p...

ESPN's Featured Comment Of The Day
ESPN scoured its message boards this morning to find its cleverest, boldest, most enlightening comment, and chose this one above all others ......

Avery And Spitzer Connected By More Than New York
Rangers left wing Sean Avery, former beau of Elisha Cuthbert and Rachel Hunter, has popped up in the black book of Manhattan madam-to-the-stars Kristin Davis (not to be confused with actress in unwatchable Manhattan fantasy show for harpies Kristin Davis). Unlike fellow Davis client former Gov. Eli...

Another Game of Pick-Up
Bryan Biederman hopes to hoist a few ladies. [Screwballs]...

'Hawks Fan Hocks Bitter Loogie
Southerners and the Civil War. That's perhaps the one group of people more single-mindedly embittered by an event than Seahawks fans and Super Bowl XL. "How dare those refs flag Darrell Jackson for pushing off Chris Hope directly in front of an official!?" "Calling Sean Locklear for a clear holding ...

Someone Should Have Canseco Throw Out The First Pitch Somewhere
• A busy week for Joe Lavin. Oh, and for Jose Canseco. Not that you really cared. • Pat Jordan! • Don't make Isiah go away. • That might have been a foul. • Drew was certainly on his game this week. • Blit Meat! • The Emo UCLA Fan. • The Red Sox, A's split in Japan. • Please make Jay Mariotti feel b...

Your NL East "Preview"
As mentioned in New York Magazine this week, the Mets have a promotional flyer that says "It's Time For A Little Revenge." As NY Mag pointed out ... hey, you're the ones who choked....

Um, Someone Tell The Italian Sausage That He's Doing It Wrong
Hey, they told me that there would be no food allowed on the ski lift. Thank you Home Run Derby, for making us laugh at costumed baseball mascots attempting winter sports once again....

Baseball Season Preview: San Francisco Giants
For the third consecutive season, we are proud to introduce the Deadspin Baseball Season Previews. Yes, baseball is awfully close now; heck, they've even played real games in Japan....

Dolan And Isiah Are BFF, Got It?
So to get you up to speed, Chikezie is out on American Idol, but Isiah Thomas has avoided elimination with the Knicks. Of course it doesn't seem fair, but that's the world we live in. According to the New York Daily News, owner James Dolan and Thomas are inseparable pals, like Crockett and Tubbs on ...

The Rangers Are The No. 1 Cause Of Depression
The NHL Closer is written by Greg Wyshynski, of FanHouse and The Fourth Period. He is also the author of Glow Pucks And 10-Cent Beer....