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The NHL Offseason Is Off To A Roaring, Boring Start
This right here is why the National Hockey League doesn’t get it. Erik Karlsson just signed a record-setting eight-year deal worth more than $11 million per year with the San Jose Sharks without any fuss or muss. Deal framed, talked about, signed. Couldn’t be easier....
ESPN Is Stuck With Tyson Fury As Its Hero
Tyson Fury won what was for all intents and purposes a fixed fight in his ESPN+ and Las Vegas debut on Saturday night, beating the technically “undefeated” but deeply non-threatening Tom Schwarz in a second-round TKO. Against a no-name boxer who’d never fought outside of Germany or the Czech Republi...
FOX U.S. Open Coverage Takes Time Out To Glorify How Fucked Up Carmel Is
Yesterday Gary Woodland and his MAGA-friendly spikes held off golfing Terminator Brooks Koepka and won the U.S. Open. It was a classic example of a formerly unknown player revealing himself as a bloodless, stress-proof killer over the course and spending four days fending off all comers for a first ...
Report: The Rockets Are All Fed Up With Each Other
With the Warriors severely depleted heading into next season, it stands to reason that the Houston Rockets are as well-positioned as any other team to take advantage and end the Warriors’ five-year Finals run. After all, they’ve been the only Western Conference team to seriously push Golden State, a...
Commissioner For A Day: Let's Bring Back NASL-Style Shootouts
The original North American Soccer League was a glorious, goofy experiment in American sports history. It burned white-hot during its brief 17 season existence; mostly thanks to the high-profile singings of legitimate soccer legends like Johan Cruyff, Franz Beckenbauer, George Best, and Pelé, but al...
Kyle Lowry Once Punched Him In The Face And Now He Couldn't Be Prouder
It’s hard to build a legend these days. Everything is immediate and documented, with video and photos accompanying just about anything notable, and plenty that’s less so. This nips myth in the bud. There is no longer the endless reshaping of narrative through an endless game of telephone among peopl...
Why Your Children's Television Program Sucks: <i>The Garfield Show</i>
A look at the awful children’s programming you’re forced to endure before you can finally kick the kids out of the TV room to watch sports for eight hours. Image by Jim Cooke....
A Pissed Off Carli Lloyd Is (Still) The USWNT's Most Destructive Force
Forget the celebrations for a second. Sure, Carli Lloyd’s golf clap was a perfect response to last week’s anti-USWNT backlash, but it’s really the footnote from Sunday’s comprehensive 3-0 drubbing of Chile, particularly as it pertains to the United States’ chances of becoming the second team in Wome...
Erik Karlsson's Megadeal Means The End Of Something In San Jose
Erik Karlsson’s first season in San Jose was a mixed bag. The superstar d-man put up 0.85 points per game, but he was hurt all year, and was in and out of the lineup late in the season, including in the playoffs. If the Sharks didn’t get the best display of exactly what their team looks like with hi...
Clint Frazier Pays The Price For The Yankees' Talent Bloat
The New York Yankees took another important step on their quest to assemble an all-beef lineup by trading for dinger-mashing DH Edwin Encarnacion over the weekend. Once Aaron Judge and Giancarlo Stanton return to action, a lineup featuring those two, Gary Sanchez, Luke Voit, and Encarnacion is going...
What Does Kawhi Leonard Want?
The first domino in a pivotal and unpredictable summer has fallen, with the Lakers trading for Anthony Davis for, basically, what they were offering six months ago. It’s a big deal and it reshapes the West and in light of Golden State’s disastrous Finals, makes the Lakers the favorites. For now. Tha...
O.J. Simpson Has Logged On
When an unverified Twitter account with the name TheRealOJ32 posted a video of the former, uhh, Bills running back announcing his entrance into the Twitter world, I’ll admit that I wasn’t 100% convinced that it was real. Even when I decided to quickly share it on this site, there was a small part of...
Chile's Christiane Endler Became A Goal-Stopping Machine And Frustrated The USWNT Into A Goalless Second Half
Given the low expectations for Chile entering this tournament, and the eerily similar halftime score, it seemed like the USWNT was on pace to thrash yet another opponent in the group stages of the women’s World Cup. But, as outlined in Lauren Theisen’s tournament preview, the major difference betwee...
Tyson Fury Defeats Tom Schwarz To Retain His Lineal Heavyweight Title, Whatever That Means
Unlike the last notable heavyweight bout that featured one of the biggest names in the division, the no-name actually succumbed to the blows of the main event’s star attraction on Saturday when Tyson Fury took down Tom Schwarz by TKO in the second round....
Brett Hull Drunkenly Encourages St. Louis Crowd To Start A "We Went Blues" Chant
The annual tradition of hockey players attempting to stretch the physical limits of their livers continued today in St. Louis with the Blues parading the Stanley Cup throughout the city amongst a raucous fan base. While there were plenty of clips of hockey players drinking the way hockey players ten...
ESPN's Israel Gutierrez Delivers Emotional Statement On Tyson Fury's Homophobia
ESPN reporter Israel Gutierrez earned his 141st win on Around the Horn on Friday, defeating Jorge Sedano in the showdown, 1-0. With the 30 seconds of Face Time, Gutierrez decided to focus on Saturday’s fight between Tyson Fury and Tom Schwarz. More specifically, he decided to touch on Fury’s homopho...
Giants' Kevin Pillar Successfully Steals Second With The World's Most Powerful Slide
In the bottom of the seventh, Brewers pitcher Alex Claudio attempted to pick off Giants center fielder Kevin Pillar at first. As Claudio turned to make the throw, Pillar took off for second. Thanks to a lack of urgency from Milwaukee’s Jesus Aguilar, Pillar was able to beat the follow-up throw and s...
Runaway Golf Cart At Pebble Beach Crashes Into Crowd, Hospitalizes Two U.S. Open Spectators
A group of spectators close to the 16th hole of Pebble Beach Golf Links were treated to a scary surprise on Friday when a runaway golf cart made its way straight into them. The vehicle became sentient when a box it was carrying fell from a stack in the back and landed directly on the accelerator sho...
St. Louis Blues Fans Yelled, Did Cartwheels, And Lost A Wedding Ring After Their First Stanley Cup Victory
After the St. Louis Blues won their first Stanley Cup on Wednesday night, fans celebrated on streets and in bars until the wee hours of the morning. The local news caught up with some of the yelling, cartwheeling, and sweaty revelers. One poor soul said he lost his wedding ring while high-fiving peo...
It's Time For A National Conversation About Drake's Horny Watch
One thing that can be said about Drake that cannot be said about a disconcertingly large number of other famous people is that it is clear why he is famous. He has done actual things—performed some hugely popular songs about how disappointed he is in various exes; endorsed one of the better-liked le...