f Page 1026 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
AAF Majority Owner Tom Dundon Threatens To Fold League If NFL's Union Doesn't Help Him Out
Alliance of American Football majority owner Tom Dundon told USA Today that his league might have to fold after only one season without more direct support from the NFL. Dundon, who also owns the NHL’s Carolina Hurricanes, specifically called out the NFL Players Association for not pushing more youn...
Australian Shopping Center Terrorized By A Pair Of Hellion Nine-Year-Olds
Two extremely, ah, feisty(?) nine-year-old girls went on an absolute fucking rampage at the Helensvale Shopping Centre in Gold Coast, Queensland, Australia yesterday. And by “absolute fucking rampage” I mean that they abused an old lady, spat on, punched, and kicked a security guard, and danced on a...
Baseball Will Outlive These Complaints Too
When His Exalted Malignancy Magary I churned out his latest Funbag under the headline “Would You Rather Be Born Old Or Die Young?” I thought of baseball, and how it has become this new battleground for the end of one generation at the neglectful hands of the next. That’s the New Narrative, ladles an...
The Best Way To See America Is To Visit Every Last Minor League Ballpark
Not long after the 2017 World Series ended in a dogpile of happy Houston Astros, Bart Wilhelm began planning his first big trip of the 2018 season. For more than half a decade, Wilhelm has been “chasing” Minor League ballparks, with the goal of attending a game in all 159 of them. Wilhelm began the ...
The 2019 NFL Coaches' Class Photo Features Matching Grudens And A Smiling Bill Belichick
Twenty-six head coaches showed up for the class photo at this week’s NFL meetings in Phoenix. Look at all those bright, squinting faces! (Here’s the hi-res version.) This year’s absences: Bruce Arians, Pete Carroll, Sean Payton, Mike Tomlin, Adam Gase, and Sean McVay, who said he didn’t mean to miss...
How Much Longer Will Baseball Stadiums Be For Baseball Fans?
MLB’s attendance, you might have heard, was down last year, around four percent by season’s end. The league’s front office, represented by anthropomorphized wet blanket Rob Manfred, has operated under the assumption that pace of play is the issue, arguing that “putting the best entertainment product...
Here Come The Padres
After an exceedingly depressing offseason, in which months passed without anything happening and top free agents remain unsigned and two-thirds of the league evinced no interest in winning, it is time to feel good. Feel good about the weather warming, feel good that it’s just one day until real, act...
Lance Stephenson Turned Jeff Green Into A Tumbling Tumbleweed
NBA floors must be getting extremely slippery as the regular season winds down. First Chris Paul chased D.J. Wilson off the court with a step-back move in Houston’s loss to Milwaukee earlier tonight, and here we have Lance Stephenson sending Jeff Green flailing to hell with a fierce dribble sequenc...
NFL Owners Vote To Make Pass Interference Calls And Non-Calls Reviewable
That replay review would be expanded to include pass interference ahead of the 2019-2020 NFL season seemed inevitable. The question, then, was whether it would be expanded in such a way that it could hope to address the kind of situation that befouled the NFC Championship game in January, when the S...
Trump Department Of Education Wants To Defund The Special Olympics
On Tuesday, Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos met with members of a House appropriations subcommittee to defend her department’s proposed budget for the next fiscal year. It was, like most of what happens in government, a ritualistic offering—the proposed budget is a proposal that reflects the admi...
Robert Kraft Is The Silent Center Of The NFL Meetings
PHOENIX — The NFL’s owners are gathered at a fancypants resort here for their annual league meetings. On the agenda are numerous proposals for rules changes, and this morning was the breakfast at which the head coaches got hit with rapid-fire questions for an hour before reporters tore into the buff...
Report: Conor McGregor Is Under Investigation For Sexual Assault, Was Arrested In January
UFC fighter Conor McGregor is under investigation by Irish police for allegedly sexually assaulting a woman in a Dublin hotel in December, according to the New York Times’s Tariq Panja. McGregor hasn’t been charged with a crime, though he was arrested and questioned by Irish authorities on Jan. 17. ...
Robert Griffin III's Former Agent Sues Him Over Missing Endorsement Payments
On Friday, NFL agent Ben Dogra filed a breach of contract lawsuit against Ravens backup Robert Griffin III, alleging that Griffin owes Dogra exactly $658,975.57. The complaint—which you can find below and was first reported on by Yahoo Sports—alleges that Griffin continually shorted Dogra on his 15 ...
Who's Living In Whose Head Rent-Free Lately?
The phrase “living rent-free in your head” has lived rent-free in my head for some time. It feels symptomatic of the deep rot at the core of almost all human interaction online. These days it spews out of the mouths of the craven and the righteous, the world-famous and the anonymously online. Depre...
Complete Farce Of A Basketball Team Ends Blowout Loss In Completely Farcical Way
There’s no reason to watch the Phoenix Suns lose on purpose this season except to see how number-one pick DeAndre Ayton is doing (fine, mostly) or watch Devin Booker go all-out for another impressive yet futile solo scoring display. Booker went off again Monday night in Utah, although his own teamma...
Holy Shit, The Mets Actually Paid Jacob deGrom
For an offseason defined by a glacial market, collusion-adjacent bad vibes, and the inexplicable unemployment of a number of useful big league free agents with opening day now in sight, the last week or so has been very busy. Instead of entering what is clearly a badly malfunctioning free agent mark...
MLB Suspends Giants CEO Larry Baer Without Pay For Physical Altercation With His Wife
The MLB front office announced today that commissioner Robert Manfred has suspended San Francisco Giants CEO and minority owner Larry Baer until July 1 of this year—essentially half the baseball season—without pay for the altercation with his wife that was caught on video and published by TMZ earlie...
Presenting The 2019 Name Of The Year Bracket
Last August, the NCAA unveiled the NET ranking, a comprehensive synthesis of numbers designed to supplant the much-derided RPI as the definitive metric for comparing the resumes of college basketball teams. Despite some early statistical noise, the NET’s wealth of data ultimately produced a bracket ...
Blazers' Jusuf Nurkic Carried Off On Stretcher After Gruesome, Catastrophic Leg Injury
Late in the second overtime of Portland’s win over the Brooklyn Nets, Trail Blazers center Jusuf Nurkic landed awkwardly on his left foot after jumping for an offensive rebound, and his lower leg folded horrifyingly under him. This was one of those injuries where players on both teams sprinted away ...
Devils Goalie Cory Schneider Beaten By A Wrist Shot From The Damn Moon
A goal from center ice in a non-empty-net situation undoubtedly reflects very, very poorly on the goalie who let it by. Here New Jersey Devils goalie Cory Schneider seems flummoxed by Sam Reinhart’s swerving, bouncing 85-footer, and makes a limp stab at the puck on its way by, which has got to be ju...