f Page 1088 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Bill Belichick Stands Athwart The Future

When the most tedious Super Bowl in history had ended and you had picked up your jaw after learning that Tom Brady had not been named the game’s most valuable player out of desperation and habit, you realized that, fittingly, most people did not get what they wanted out of America’s Jesus-Free Chris...

The Rams Had No Answer For One Patriots Play

If you squint really hard, and maybe turn your head 75 degrees to the right, you could find an oasis of good football in the desert of crap that was Super Bowl 53. It didn’t come in the first half, which was the second-lowest scoring opening 30 minutes in Super Bowl history. And it didn’t come from ...

Three Points? Three Goddamn Points?

This motherfucker. This little baby we’ve been hearing about all year. The wunderkind who’s revolutionizing football and forcing owners all over the league to hand their teams over to the first stubbled quarterbacks coach they can find. He scored three points in the Super Bowl!...

Where The Hell Was Todd Gurley?

The last thing anybody wants to hear on this awful Monday morning is “Bill Belichick takes away your best player,” but, uh, that’s exactly what he did to the Rams’ dismal offense in the Patriots’ 13-3 Super Bowl win. Nothing at all went right anywhere for Los Angeles when they had the ball, but thei...

Mondo Fucking Dumbass Insanely Wrong On Super Bowl Prediction

Here’s CBS NFL analyst Tony Romo, seer of seers, prognosticator of prognosticators, giving his Super Bowl prediction from last week. Check out Nostradamus over here!...

The Worst People Win Again

All the terrible people are happy today. Robert Kraft is happy, and presumably has a low arm wrapped around an auto show model, because another ring only further burnishes his title of King Of All Owners. Tom Brady is happy because he gets to frame himself as an underdog who overcame impossible odds...

Well, That Sucked

At no time was Super Bowl 53 as compelling, entertaining, or satisfying as that video of a naked guy pooping while flipping into a lake. Sunday evening would have been better spent watching that again. But we watch the Super Bowls we are given, so our options are either to admire the defensive domin...

Tom Brady Got <i>Thiiiiiis</i> Close To Kissing Bob Kraft On The Lips

The Patriots won the Super Bowl again (hooray, whatever). As the celebrations for the lowest-scoring title game in this era of the league’s history began, an inescapable scrum of photographers, security personnel, and CBS’s Tracy Wolfson immediately began to surround Tom Brady as he celebrated with ...

God Fucking Dammit

Well the Patriots won the fucking Super Bowl again, defeating the Rams 13-3. It was somehow even less fun to watch than that last sentence was to read, as 53 minutes elapsed before anything of substance happened on the offensive side of the ball. Tom Brady now has more Super Bowl wins than any other...

Exciting Play Almost Happens

Holy shit! This could have really swung things in the Patriots’ favor by giving them the best field position they would have had all day! Instead, it resulted in a good stiff-arm for Anderson and a seven-yard gain. Too bad the ball is an oblong shape and it just escaped the grasp of Dont’a Hightower...

Super Bowl Record Broken

If ever there were a Super Bowl to set a punting record, this was the one....

Patriots' Patrick Chung Exits Super Bowl In Air Cast After Going Down With Arm Injury

Patriots safety Patrick Chung was taken out of the Super Bowl on his own power after suffering an arm injury during a tackle attempt in the third quarter of the game....

Super Bowl Officials Couldn't Even Get The Make-Up Call On Nickell Robey-Coleman Right

You gotta hand it to NFL officials, they always find a way to screw-up even the simplest of lay-ups....

Inter Ultras: We Would Have Directed Racist Chants At Koulibaly Even If He Wasn't Black<em></em>

Following a two-match stadium ban for racist chants towards Napoli defender Kalidou Koulibaly, the Inter ultras Curva Nord were allowed back into San Siro for their club’s match against Bologna. Along the supporters’ return came a strongly-worded statement in a fanzine distributed before the match. ...

Uh

Report: The Patriots Blame Tom Brady's Quack Trainer For Gronk's Injuries

Rob Gronkowski is hobbled and washed, and Patriots brass at least in part blames Alex Guerrero, Tom Brady’s quack/body advisor. That’s according to a report by the NFL Network’s Michael Giardi:...

Florida State Cuts QB Deondre Francois After Woman Posts Audio Of Man Threatening To Beat Her  

Florida State has cut starting quarterback Deondre Francois after he was accused of domestic violence for the second time. FSU coach Willie Taggart said in a statement, “Last night, I informed Deondre Francois that he is no longer a member of the Florida State football program.”...

Former MMA Pro Under Arrest For Murder Somehow Escaped During A Stop At McDonald's For Breakfast [Updating]

Forty-four-year-old MMA veteran Cedric Marks was arrested last month in Michigan on burglary charges connected to three deaths, and the Montgomery County, Tex. police department says that he has three “pending” murder charges. ...

Soft Baby President Says Football Too Scary For Child <em></em>

Throughout the 2016 campaign and well into his administration, Donald Trump has made a point of calling the modern NFL cowardly and unwatchable for its slightly increased emphasis on concussion prevention. A sampling:...

NC State's 24-Point Performance Against Virginia Tech Made Me Want To Vomit

In a home loss against a depleted opponent, a team that sportswriters determined to be one of the top-25 teams in the country couldn’t muster a point total much higher than their ranking. No. 23 NC State dropped an absolute deuce of a game against No. 12 Virginia Tech, 47-24, for an abhorrent offens...