f Page 1092 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Vance Joseph To Demaryius Thomas: Please Stop Pointing Out How Much We Suck
Vance Joseph is not a fan of Demaryius Thomas airing out his grievances to the media about how the Broncos disrespected and misled him throughout this season. Since beating the Broncos 19-17 with his new team, Thomas has been answering any and all questions about the organization’s ineptitude....
Trump's New Attorney General Has A Wealth Of Sports Takes
Jeff Sessions resigned today as Attorney General of the United States at the request of Donald Trump. The Lilliputian bigot, a former Alabama Senator better known as The Keebler Elf But Racist, will be replaced for now by chief of staff at the Justice Department Matt Whitaker, a hulking bald Iowan w...
Raheem Sterling Wins A Penalty By Tripping Over Himself
In today’s match against Shakhtar Donetsk, Manchester City star Raheem Sterling did something incredibly embarrassing when he blew a very good scoring opportunity by tripping over his own feet. Luckily for him, the referee followed that blunder with an even more monumental failure of his own when he...
Some Sicko Made These Senior Tour Golfers Try To Do <i>Fortnite</i> Dances
Pop culture gets absorbed by sports fairly quickly, but it has to travel light years farther to reach golf. That’s why some cruel person at the PGA is now making these senior tour pros try to recreate dances from Fortnite, the popular online video game that is also the reason you see all those kids ...
Floyd Mayweather Changes His Mind About Fighting Japanese Kickboxing Phenom
Remember two days ago when Floyd Mayweather held an hour-long press conference in Tokyo to announce that he would be fighting 20-year-old kickboxing genius Tenshin Nasukawa in Japan on New Year’s Eve? Ha ha, it was all a misunderstanding, according to Mayweather, who announced in a lengthy Instagram...
I Took My 84-Year-Old Neighbor With The Only Good NBA Takes To A Pacers Game
BLOOMINGTON, Ind. — Iris Clawson, 84-year-old NBA superfan, spent some time on the trainer’s table....
Five JV Football Players Charged With Rape After Allegedly Assaulting Teammates With Broomstick
Montgomery County (Md.) police have charged a quintet of junior varsity football players from Damascus High School with a variety of rape offenses after they allegedly assaulted two of their teammates with a broomstick and attempted to do the same to two others on Halloween night. Damascus is a powe...
USA Badminton Is Another Example Of How Messed Up Olympic Organizations Are
USA Badminton, the sport’s national governing body, was first audited by the United States Olympic Committee three years ago. The USOC recommended stronger internal controls and improved reporting on its finances, among other fixes, and it awarded USA Badminton an audit rating of 11; a rating of 0 i...
Dez Bryant Teaches Us A Very Valuable Lesson About Never Settling For The Browns
Dez Bryant has finally found a team that’ll give him what he wants, and it’s a pretty good team, too. The New Orleans Saints have agreed to sign the former Cowboys receiver to a one-year deal for the rest of the season....
Report: Man Burns Down His Friend's House Over Argentine Soccer Rivalry
The rivalry between Boca Juniors and River Plate, the two biggest clubs in Argentine soccer, is dubbed the Superclásico. This “Super” qualifier isn’t meant to imply that the game’s quality is typically better than Spain’s more heralded Clásico. Instead, it’s a reference to the fans, who are super-ch...
Magnus Carlsen And Fabiano Caruana's Fight For The World Chess Championship Is Going To Be So Fun
It’s a phenomenal time to be a chess fan. We can follow live action from thousands of games all around the world on our phones, from elite super-tournaments to the smallest club competitions. Freely available learning and training resources by far supersede anything the famed Soviet system could eve...
The Bryce Harper Derby Is Officially Off And Running
Oooh, buddy, you’d better take care and keep your kids well back, because though it’s barely November, the stove is on and it is one hot fucking stove....
Erik Haula Taken Off Ice On Stretcher After Nasty Knee Injury
Vegas Golden Knights forward Erik Haula had to be taken off the ice on a stretcher in the third period of his team’s game against the Maple Leafs tonight, after a clean check against the boards from Patrick Marleau forced Haula’s right leg to bend in a way it’s not supposed to bend....
Will Muschamp, Self-Proclaimed Molder Of Young Men, Didn't Talk To His Players About Voting
College football fetishizes the roles of its coaches as more than just coaches. They’re Teachers of Student-Athletes and Molders of Men. Always with the molding of men! In reality, the coaching pool is a mixture of bloated, irritable hicks and ancient, anal-retentive freaks. (Both categories are ove...
The Mariners Are Stuck In A Really Depressing Limbo
Fresh off of news that the Indians, who can win their division without breaking a sweat, declared that “market constraints” (read: parsimony) have them ready to auction off their veteran players, including their very good ones signed to bargain deals, here come the Mariners, and they are sellers too...
Don’t Force Your Sports Fandom Onto Other People’s Kids, You Asshole<em></em>
Today, we’re talking about French fries, cocaine, college football, and more....
Army Idiots Pranked Air Force By Jamming Their Live Mascots Into Crates
Before last Saturday’s Air Force-Army college football game, two dopey West Point cadets decided to prank their rivals by stealing their live mascots, which are falcons. Not knowing how to take care of an animal, these Army morons crammed the two birds into crates. It’s so unlike the military to use...
MLB Expansion Is Probably Inevitable, But Where And When?
Attendance and World Series TV ratings may be down, but baseball fever is alive and well in cities without the erstwhile national pastime. ExposNation says the time is now! Portland’s wannabe owner took Russell Wilson and Ciara on a helicopter tour of potential stadium sites! Las Vegas might be read...
Ass Team Of The Week: The Jets Would Like To Welcome You To Self-Loathing Football Season
I would like to talk to you about self-loathing football season....
Kevin Byard Did T.O. Proud With His Celebration On The Cowboys' Star
Millennials live in a golden age of nostalgia. After our entire conscious lifetimes were spent standing idly by as boomers were pandered to with things from their childhood, finally it is our turn to be pandered to! The music we liked is sampled and aped. The fashion is back in. Entire media conglo...