f Page 1201 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Do You Look At The Keyboard When You Type?<em></em>
Before we get into this week’s Funbag, I have a highly irritating announcement, which is that I’m gonna take a sabbatical in May. Actually, I was quietly suspended by corporate for pouring a bucket of live carpenter bees down Burneko’s chimney, but that’s neither here nor there. The point is that I’...

Veteran Fighter Leslie Smith Says UFC Cut Her Because Of Her Union Organizing Efforts
Pro MMA veteran Leslie Smith was supposed to fight on last weekend’s UFC Fight Night card, but her bout with Aspen Ladd was scrapped under strange circumstances. Ladd weighed in 1.8 pounds over the limit, claiming that “certain female circumstances” kept her from being able to cut weight. Smith init...

College Athletes Are Doomed For As Long As These Clowns Keep Running The Show
A new report states that just one out of every four athletic directors are in favor of giving athletes the ability to make money off their name based off their athletic abilities....

The Rockets Fine-Tuned Their Equation And Became Invincible
The Houston Rockets led by one point, 50-49, at the end of the first half last night in Minnesota. So it’s not like they were in a crisis situation. But if a lead can be said to be an ugly and bad one, this qualified. ...

Reports: Mike Francesa Is Thirsty For WFAN Return, Diet Coke<em></em>
That was quick....

Here We Go Again
With their 4-2 series win over Columbus, the Capitals are going to play in their seventh second-round playoff series in the last 11 years. That’s incredible! Don’t ask how they did in those second-round series....

The Thunder Hit Rock Bottom, Where They Found A Gloating Mitt Romney
If you want a tangible explanation for why the Oklahoma City Thunder are down 3-1 in their playoff series against the Jazz and seem destined for a first-round exit, take your pick: Rudy Gobert has effectively canceled out Russell Westbrook’s ability to drive to the hoop; Russell Westbrook has no jum...

Toronto Wins
Ten people were killed and 15 others hospitalized on Monday when a man drove a rented van onto the sidewalk and plowed through pedestrians for more than half a mile on one of Toronto’s busiest streets. It feels almost rote by this point to transition from tragedy to sporting event, but it makes sens...

Golf Club Apologizes After Calling Police On Group Of Black Women Members
A Pennsylvania golf club called police on five members this weekend after the club’s co-owner felt that the group was playing too slowly and claimed that they did not leave the course when asked. The members—all five of whom are black women—say that they were discriminated against....

Annoyingly Coy Report: Eagles Owner Jeffrey Lurie Called Donald Trump's Presidency "Disastrous"
Buried near the end of this New York Times article about the Super Bowl champion Philadelphia Eagles talking to the White House about planning a visit is a tidbit about team owner Jeffrey Lurie “using a vulgarity” to call Donald Trump’s presidency “disastrous.” That quote seems like it’d be more imp...

Treat Yourself To Bartolo Colon's "Batters Faced" Page On Baseball Reference
If he hadn’t out-pitched Justin Verlander and completely baffled the defending world champions for seven innings on Sunday Night Baseball last week, there is a decent chance that Bartolo Colon might not have started another game for the Texas Rangers. The pitcher whose spot Colon filled last Sunday ...

Report: Sports Anchor Booted From Warriors-Spurs Series After He Stole Steph Curry's Bodyguard's Jacket
Bay Area ABC7 sports anchor Mike Shumann was sent home from San Antonio and kept off the air for Sunday’s Warriors-Spurs game after he was caught stealing the jacket of the Golden State Warriors’ director of team security, according to The Athletic....

ESPN Report: This Is How Percentages Work
At long last, ESPN NFL insider Adam Schefter has determined that Tom Brady, who everyone on Earth assumed was going to be playing football for the Patriots next season, is going to be playing football for the Patriots next season....

My Enemies In Nature, Ranked
It’s more or less springlike now, pending yet another cruel and absurd outbreak of The Eternal Winter of 2017-18. Here in my absurd forest dwelling, spring means that we are emerging, pallid and blinking, to plant new trees and azaleas, to try with ludicrous and doomed vanity to restore some mowable...

Gronkowski Deals With "Minor Setback"; Status Unknown
Sure, it’s racing horse Gronkowski, named after the Patriots tight end who recently purchased a minority stake in the colt. But still, could you imagine?...

IndyCar Driver Spills The Details About Peeing Himself
Not only was Sunday’s Indy Grand Prix of Alabama soaked—so were James Hinchcliffe’s pants. While the weather forced a red flag, the IndyCar driver talked to NBCSN and wove a captivating tale of why yesterday was the first time he was ever forced to piss in his racing suit....

Giannis Antetokounmpo Baptized Al Horford And The Photos Were Beautiful<em></em>
Giannis Antetokounmpo laid waste to Al Horford with four minutes to go in Game 4 of Celtics-Bucks Sunday. It was devastating in real time, satisfying in slow-mo, and maybe at its most dramatic when slowed to a halt, thanks to Getty Images photographer Jonathan Daniel....

How One Rich Man's Weird Dream Transformed A British Pro Soccer Team
Outside the 3500-capacity AGP Arena in the modest suburban town of Billericay, Essex, a 100-foot-long, 20-foot-high mural depicts Glenn Tamplin’s dream. It begins with the Mayflower setting sail for the New World, jumps ahead somewhat to the formation of Billericay Town FC in 1880, and quickly addre...

Alabama And Nick Saban Might Have A Quarterback Standoff Brewing
Alabama quarterback Jalen Hurts is 26-2 as a starter, the reigning MVP of the Sugar Bowl, and the 2016 SEC Offensive Player of the Year. And according to his dad, he’ll be the “biggest free agent in college football history” if he’s not starting come this August....

White Sox Reliever Danny Farquhar Is "In The Fight Of His Life" After Brain Hemorrhage
Friday’s Astros-White Sox game took a suddenly tragic turn in the sixth inning when Chicago reliever Danny Farquhar vomited and collapsed in the dugout. He was rushed to a local hospital, where tests confirmed that he’d suffered a brain hemorrhage and was in stable but critical condition. A few days...