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When You Jerk It Out

The things that sneak through at the end of 56-3 football games:...

USC Fakes Out Everyone With Genius Decoy Punt Return

Michael Pittman Jr. went 72 yards for a punt return touchdown on a play that faked out UCLA and ABC/ESPN’s camera operator as nearly every Bruin bit on a decoy punt return that opened the scoring in tonight’s battle of L.A. ...

That's College Football

You're Playing Kansas, Dipshit

Baker Mayfield is an excellent football player. He also seems to enjoy grabbing his dick and telling hapless Kansas players to go fuck themselves:...

The NBA's One-And-Done Draft Rule Is Just Dumb Enough To Allow One More Prep-To-Pro Star

ESPN reported this week that Adam Silver and Michele Roberts are more open than ever to changing the NBA’s draft eligibility rules, which currently require American high school players to be a year removed from the graduation of their high school class by the time of the draft in order to be eligibl...

Dolphins Waive Rey Maualuga Following Battery Charge

Dolphins linebacker Rey Maualuga was reportedly arrested early Saturday morning and charged with battery after an incident at a Miami club, per reports:...

Is Will Grier Flipping You The Bird, Or Is There Something Terribly Wrong With His Finger

Will Grier, quarterback for the West Virginia Mountaineers, had something go very urgently wrong with the middle finger on his throwing hand in the first half of today’s tilt against Texas:...

All Of Roger Goodell's Dick-Swinging Did The Players A Favor

Again, there are many, many delicious morsels to chew on in Don Van Natta’s and Seth Wickersham’s latest smorgasbord of NFL insider delights for ESPN The Magazine. But let’s take the revelation that many owners—most especially Jerry Jones—are increasingly unhappy with the shadow bureaucracy Roger Go...

Here's Video Of A Seemingly Drunk-Off-His-Ass Jerry Jones Making A Bad Joke

Something called The Blast has acquired an old video that shows Cowboys owner Jerry Jones making a groan-worthy joke to a fan who had stopped him at a Dallas hotel and asked the nutty old coot—whose beet-red face and unsteady speech suggest things about his level of inebriation—to wish his new wife ...

The Sports Highlight Of The Day Is This Highly Dedicated Referee

Good wrestling referees will not hesitate to contort their body in whatever ways will afford them the best view of the action on the mat. You have to be locked in, and you have to commit. As this referee demonstrates, that means you sometimes have to motor across the mat like a damn skink....

Ohio Supreme Court Justice Bill O'Neill Wants You To Know He Has Fucked

The last time we saw Ohio Supreme Court Justice and prolific Facebook user Bill O’Neill around these parts, he was taking the “draft dodging millionaires” of the Cleveland Browns to task for kneeling during the national anthem. O’Neill is self-evidently a man of many passions, but mostly he loves to...

Report: NFL Is Investigating Jameis Winston After Uber Driver Said He Groped Her [Update]

According to a report from BuzzFeed News, the NFL is looking into an Uber driver’s claims that Bucs quarterback Jameis Winston grabbed her crotch while in her car in March 2016. BuzzFeed reports that NFL investigator Lisa Friel, most recently seen at the center of the Ezekiel Elliott case, sent a le...

The Case Against Roger Goodell

I know I sound like a broken record when I urge you to go read Don Van Natta Jr.’s and Seth Wickersham’s latest piece of thoroughly reported NFL kremlinology for ESPN, but: Go read it. All of it. There are a dozen different items and themes that warrant highlighting, and a few of them are going to g...

Jerry Jones, NFL Owners Continue Vaguely Flexing Their Muscles At Each Other

We’re now a few weeks into Jerry Jones’s crusade to teach Roger Goodell a lesson about the limits of his power and, at this point in the exercise, that amounts to an aggrieved Jones staring across a bargaining table at a group of NFL owners who are getting progressively more fed up with his shit. Th...

This Is A Brutal <i>Wheel Of Fortune</i> Beat

Hey, do you want to see two people get their souls crushed on live TV?...

Camille Herron Destroys 100-Mile Run World Record By Over An Hour

A marathon is a brutal, exhausting thing to do to your body. Running four marathons back-to-back-to-back-to-back is an exponentially more ruinous endeavor, and even the very best at one of the most physically extreme sports in the world don’t get by without destroying themselves. Ultramarathoners re...

The NFL Can't Stick To Sports And It's All The NFL's Fault<em></em>

Drew Magary’s Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Email Drew here. Buy his book here....

Jared Goff's Audibles Include "Ric Flair" And "Tupac"

Rams QB Jared Goff was mic’d up during the team’s 33-7 win over the Houston Texans on Sunday, which allowed everyone to learn some of L.A.’s audibles. Head coach Sean McVay and his coaches seem to have chosen a celebrity-heavy assortment. Here they are, courtesy of USA Today’s Cameron DaSilva:...