f Page 1492 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Minnesota Suspends 10 Football Players For Alleged Involvement In Sexual Assault
In two weeks, Minnesota will head to San Diego to take on Washington State in the Holiday Bowl, but they’ll go without 10 of their players, including several starters in their secondary. The Star Tribune reported on the suspensions this evening, which apparently stem from an incident in September. F...
Richard Sherman: More Like Thursday Night Poopfest
Richard Sherman feels the way many NFL fans and players feel about Thursday Night Football, which is that it’s an abomination of the schedule intended to facilitate the NFL’s amoeba-like takeover of our lives and attention spans. Well, his take was much more succinct. Take it away, Mr. Sherman....
Jim Harbaugh On NFL Rumors: "Lies Made Up By Our Enemies"
Milk-powered UM coach Jim Harbaugh accepted the Wolverines job in 2015 and has already racked up as many ten-win seasons in his tenure as his predecessors did over the previous 11 years. He’s the best Michigan coach in a long time, and given his success at both the professional and college levels, h...
T.J. Smith, King Of The Sports Babies, Is Back
T.J. Smith, son of 49ers receiver Torrey Smith, knows how to hit the field in search of victory and success, and as it turns out, he’s also an elite dancer. Young T.J. has grown a lot since we first saw him last summer and in the meantime he’s only improved....
Devin Hester Was The Shit
Here’s how the Ravens explained their decision today to cut return man Devin Hester after he misjudged a punt that led to a safety:...
Jeffrey Loria Is Having A Bad Day
Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria has had better weeks. Just a few days after Dodgers closer Kenley Jansen reportedly turned down a larger offer from the Marlins to re-sign in Los Angeles, Loria’s personal cell phone number inadvertently made its way online when a business card he had once signed was put ...
Nike Designs Shoes For Crossfit's Biggest Idiots
Wanna do workouts? Buy some shoes that fit. Or, drop a lot of money on these new Nikes because you are a real god damn sucker....
Wake Forest Radio Announcer Fired For Giving Game Prep Materials To Opponents
Wake Forest announced that football radio announcer Tommy Elrod—a former player and coach at the school—was fired from his position and banned from athletic facilities, after it was discovered that Elrod has been giving or attempting to give game prep materials to opposing teams for at least two yea...
The Arizona Cardinals Are Very Deep In The Trashcan
Two seasons died in Miami on Sunday. One of them belonged to the Dolphins, a team that at the moment holds the AFC’s final wild card berth, but which will have to trudge forward, fatally wounded, without starting quarterback Ryan Tannehill. The other season that croaked was Arizona’s, which dropped ...
The 300-Year Journey From Classical Standard To Gay Disco Anthem To The Most Iconic Anthem In Soccer
The first leg of the 1994 UEFA Cup Winners’ Cup semi-final between Arsenal and Paris Saint-Germain at the Parc Des Princes was rife with the tensions of early ‘90s provincial fandom. “The Boulogne Boys [PSG’s right-wing hooligan supporters] were looking for Arsenal fans to attack in the build-up to ...
Cuban Pitcher Cionel Perez On Signing With The Astros: "I Feel Abused By This System"
It can be a little dubious when professional athletes making literal millions complain about being treated unfairly. But within the highly skewed relative universe of superstar signing bonuses, international baseball amateurs have a distinctly viable grievance....
Big Strong Santa Will Get You Feeling Festive
You wanna see a guy who looks like Santa Claus deadlift 650 pounds while some EDM-inflected Christmas music plays in the background? Hell yeah you do!...
The Patriots Can Win With Anyone
It has felt at times this NFL season like there are no good teams, or at least no teams without glaring, potentially fatal weaknesses. The Patriots certainly have theirs—a shorthanded offense, a middling defense, occasionally disastrous special teams—but they are surely the best of the bunch, and th...
Rick Perry's Glasses Qualify Him For Important Science Post, Building Nukes<em></em><em></em>
Rick Perry, a swaggering idiot who found a pair of glasses on the street one day, is about to become the head of the Department of Energy, according to CBS News. The Department of Energy’s job right now is to develop the next generation of nuclear weapons. What this means practically speaking, of co...
Shea McClellin Pulled Off A Perfect Leap Over The Ravens' Offensive Line
Malcolm Butler made a perfect deflection on third down to put the Ravens’ best player (kicker Justin Tucker) on the field for a 34-yard field goal attempt. Tucker missed his first field goal attempt of the year on the attempt, but it was through no fault of his own. Patriots linebacker Shea McClelli...
St. Louis News Station Mercilessly Roasts Rams Executive
Jeff Fisher got shitcanned today, meaning he will no longer be glowering on the Rams sidelines and mangling Jared Goff’s development. Nobody’s happier about this than St. Louis’ FOX affiliate, who reveled in Fisher’s failures and stunted on Rams COO Kevin Demoff. As FOX2 noted, Demoff’s father is Fi...
Stanford Band Accuses University Of Sanitizing Them To Protect School's "Well-Manicured Image"
The Stanford Band was recently suspended until the spring of 2017. They’ll now miss most of the basketball season, but it could have been much worse, as a university conduct board recommended that they be suspended for the whole year....
Nike Joins The Quest For A Sub Two-Hour Marathon
In a brilliant height-of-the-Christmas-sales-season marketing move, Nike announced via two breathless press releases, in Runner’s World and Wired, that they are entering the sub two-hour marathon game. ...
Tell Us About Your Fantasy Football Playoffs
The fantasy football playoffs have arrived, which means that the bonings hurt even more....