Nike Designs Shoes For Crossfit's Biggest Idiots

Wanna do workouts? Buy some shoes that fit. Or, drop a lot of money on these new Nikes because you are a real god damn sucker.

Crossfit, a workout program for the most annoying people you know, has a deal with Reebok, so Nike cannot come right out and say they are trying to sell you idiots “Crossfit shoes.” Instead, Bloomberg reports, they are marketing their new pseudo-Crossfit shoes by mentioning that you can do specific Crossfit workouts in them without actually saying “Crossfit.”

For instance, the company recommends the new Metcons for the “Murph” regimen, a sequence of 100 pull-ups, 200 push-ups, and 300 squats named after fallen Navy SEAL Michael Patrick Murphy.

One hundred pullups, 200 pushups, and 300 squats... a workout that you can do without wearing any shoes.

Definitely don’t try it without those Nikes though.