f Page 1880 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
"Astonishing Astrophysics!" Ronaldo Scores Bouncing Free Kick Goal
Cristiano Ronaldo put Real Madrid up 1-0 on Eibar today with this knuckler of a free kick that left the keeper totally, in Ray Hudson’s words, “bamboozled.” His whole call is, as usual, a gem:...
Aaron Cresswell Puts West Ham Up With Top-Class Free Kick
West Ham's Aaron Cresswell put his side up early on Stoke with this marvelous free kick that left the announcers giddy: ...
18th-Inning Umpire Nutshots Are The Worst
The machines tried to tell us it was time to go home. We didn't listen. And now Marty Foster's crotch has paid the ultimate price....
Dee Gordon Dunks On Christian Yelich During Post-Game Interview
The Marlins earned a big walkoff win against the Rays last night in Miami, with Christian Yelich delivering the clutch hit. Then Dee Gordon dunked all over him during his live post-game interview: ...
Ottawa Fury Player Attacked During Flight To Atlanta
An assailant attacked Ottawa Fury FC forward Oliver Minatel today during the team’s Air Canada Jazz flight to Atlanta for Saturday’s NASL match against the Silverbacks. CBC reports the man attempted to use his headphones as a garrote to strangle the former C.D. Nacional player just before the plane ...
Excellent Chimp Knocks Stupid Drone Right Out Of The Sky
Somebody thought a chimpanzee habitat would be a good place to fly a drone, an invasive piece of technology that techno-knobs are really into these days. That somebody was wrong....
Do Arsenal Even Need Jack Wilshere?
We're pretty staunchly against the year-round transfer gossip circus, since even at the best of times—when the transfer windows are actually open—there are about a thousand reasons never to trust what's being bandied about. But these rumblings about Manchester City sniffing around Arsenal's beloved,...
A Nice Fruit Beer For Butts Of All Types
Kim Kardashian is on a sightseeing tour of Armenia, her ancestral homeland, a delightful fact that I know because the guy on the radio mentioned it at three o’clock this morning. My wife also knows this information about Kim and Armenia, because she got up to feed the cat shortly after I came into p...
Henrik Stenson Goes Full Bo Jackson, Breaks Club Over His Knee
Henrik Stenson carded a six at Augusta National’s 15th during today’s second round of the Masters, thanks to a series of unfortunate events that included ricocheting a shot off the trunk of a tree. It so infuriated the Swede that he took his rage out on the responsible club....
The NBA Players' Union Isn't Happy With The NYPD
We’ll probably never know exactly why NYPD officers felt it necessary to arrest Hawks guard Thabo Sefolosha outside of 1 Oak early Wednesday morning—the cops claim that they arrested Sefolosha after telling him six times to leave the scene of Pacers forward Chris Copeland’s stabbing—but we do know t...
No, But Seriously, Dove Soap Is Bad
So yesterday, BuzzFeed's editors, in a super duper blatant breach of the tenets of their Editorial Standards And Ethics Guide, deleted a post in which staff writer Arabelle Sicardi criticized toiletries brand Dove for its sleazy, exploitative advertising. Dove, you see, is owned by Unilever—the m...
A Friendly Word Of Advice To <i>Game Of Thrones</i> Readers: Chill
Hello, fellow A Song of Ice and Fire readers. How are you? Doing well, I hope, though I worry. These should be exciting times, what with the impending premiere of Game of Thrones’ fifth season on HBO this weekend, but I can’t help but sense a little frustration in the air....
Darren Sharper May Be Subject To Penis Monitoring Until He Dies
Convicted rapist Darren Sharper will serve nine years in prison for his crimes, but he won’t return to a regular life after he finishes his sentence. If two New Orleans judges approve the deal instead of issuing a 20-year sentence in Louisiana, Sharper will be treated as a sex offender, and closely ...
Adrian Beltre Gets Helmet Stolen, Scares Teammate Half To Death
Rangers third baseman Adrian Beltre hit a solo homer against the A’s yesterday. As usual, his baseball life partner, Elvis Andrus, was there to mess with him when he returned to the dugout. ...
The NHL Playoffs Are Shockingly Canadian
It was a banner night for NHL franchises who moved from Atlanta to the Prairie provinces, with both Calgary and Winnipeg clinching playoff berths—the former at the expense of the reigning Cup champs....
Here Are Two Baseball Players Acting Like Lil' Babies
If there’s one thing you can always count on a baseball player in a high-stress situation to be, it’s a sensitive weenie. Allow me to direct your attention to this moment, from yesterday’s game between the Giants and Padres....
<i>The Way of the Dragon </i>Is A Stone-Cold Classic For That One Fight Alone
There used to be this DVD store in the Times Square subway station. Maybe it's still there. Probably not. Why was there ever a DVD store in the Times Square subway station? Some things just make no sense. But one day, maybe seven or eight years ago, I was walking through that hellmouth, and I saw ...
How To Attend A Sporting Event Like A Functional Adult
First, a story of bad fan behavior....
Jimmy Fallon Chugs Beer At Yankees Game
Tonight Show host Jimmy Fallon found his way to some primo seats at Yankee Stadium for tonight’s bout between the Bronx Bombers and Toronto, and took some time out in the bottom of the seventh inning to chug a beer—much to the delight of everyone watching. Sure, it’s a silly stunt. But you’d do it t...
Florida Gators Wide Receiver Charged With Dating Violence
The Gainesville Sun reported today that University of Florida wide receiver Chris Thompson was charged last week with “misdemeanor simple battery/dating violence.” The charge concerns an argument Thompson had with an ex-girlfriend over text messages:...