f Page 2009 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Greg Schiano Cooks Bacon In "A Pile" Like Some Kind Of An Idiot
There's lots going on in the ridiculous lede of this Redempto-Matic MMQB story about hilarious football coaching failure Greg Schiano's post-NFL journey of self-discovery or whatever the hell....
Coach K Talks U.S. Foreign Policy With Dumb Basketball Metaphors
Mick Krizilonski was a guest speaker at the Association of the U.S. Army conference last month, and he seized on the opportunity to bemoan President Barack Obama's decision to rule out using ground troops to combat ISIS. He did this in the most annoying and Dook-ish way imaginable....
Report: Adrian Peterson Going For Plea Deal In Bid To Avoid Jail
Vikings running back Adrian Peterson will plead no contest today to try and avoid his trial on child injury charges, according to a report from Mike Florio of Pro Football Talk. (Florio cites "a source with knowledge of the situation"—presumably someone on Peterson's defense team.) The plea will kee...
Stephen Colbert Goes In On The Damn Swiss And Their Nazi Creamer
So, some Swiss coffee creamer company put Adolf Hitler on its packaging; last night on The Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert had some fun at those bastards' expense. "It is so nice to see the Swiss finally have an opinion on Hitler" is my favorite line, but "I like my coffee like I like my women:...
Watch Action Bronson Have An Extremely Awkward Meal With Mike Ditka
Queens rapper Action Bronson is pretty great, in part because he once called himself "The Young Randy Velarde" on a track, and in part because he hosts a food show on the internet that is called Fuck, That's Delicious. The most recent episode of the show brought Bronson into contact with shitty old ...
What The Most Infamous NBA Heckler Learned From His Friend Muhammad Ali
He had a role model. The most obnoxious spectator in sports history says he was inspired by the most beloved athlete of all time....
Israeli Soccer Brawl Cancels Match, Continues Next Day At Courthouse
Yesterday's Tel Aviv Derby between Hapoel and Maccabi was called off late in the first half as fans rushed the pitch. But that wasn't enough; supporters of the two sides met up again this morning at a court hearing for those arrested yesterday, and began brawling again. People are fucking nuts....
Kings And Nuggets Present A Very Special Triple Flop
DeMarcus Cousins, Rudy Gay, Kenneth Faried, let's see what you've got:...
He's Had It With Your Bullshit, Eli
Send stories, photos, and anything else you might have to [email protected]....
Proof That There Is A Pterodactyl At Tonight's Colts-Giants Game
RRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWGH....
Fuck Kevin Durant
Tomorrow night, the world will be subjected to The Offseason: Kevin Durant, an HBO show marketed as a documentary that depicts what The Servant has been up to since the end of the Western Conference Finals. You might think it would be interesting, seeing that over the summer Durant (briefly) played ...
Clown Shoes Pecan Pie Porter Is A Sloppy Good Time
This past weekend, my wife and I went to a quaint highway-side resort on Cape Cod to read magazines, pretend one clam chowder tastes any different from the next, and remember that the vast majority of Americans still don't give a shit what beer they drink....
Two Unrecognized Hall Of Fame Shortstops
This article is dedicated to the memory of the late Clem Comly, who did more than anyone to put together the Retrosheet.org public database of baseball statistics that made this article and all Internet baseball encyclopedias possible....
Charlie Manson's Home On The Range
Over at the Daily Beast, I curated Gay Talese's 1970 Esquire story, "Charlie Manson's Home on the Range":...
A Dog Rappelled From The Cowboys' Jumbotron
Before yesterday's Cardinals-Cowboys game, a Navy SEAL, with a dog attached to him, rappelled down from the Cowboys' gigantic scoreboard. The dog looked confused at best, and scared at worst. It was fine, though....
Auburn Newspaper Defends Publishing Photo Of Laquon Treadwell's Injury
One of the most crucial and dramatic plays in college football this year also featured a season-ending injury that remains painful to look at. How do you weigh the import of the moment with sensitivity to the injured player? If you're one Alabama newspaper, you put it on the front page of the spor...
The NBA Continues To Crack Down On The Big Balls Dance
If there's one thing that should immediately earn an NBA player your respect, it is a willingness to do Sam Cassell's Big Balls Dance right in the face of a tyrannical, anti-balls league....
Jay Gruden Blasts "Amateurish" ESPN Report About Robert Griffin III
There is never any shortage of drama in Washington, and yesterday's game in Minnesota had a little bit of everything: a bus crash, a large protest against the team name, and, totally unexpectedly, a little bit of a quarterback controversy between RGIII and Colt McCoy. ...