f Page 2053 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Alleged Striker Fails To Score Easiest Goal Ever
Philipp Hofmann of Kaiserslautern could've done anything else with the ball here and scored. He could've barely tapped it in almost any direction and it would've gone in. He could've tripped over in his wind-up and his face would've bungled it in. His only job was not to do exactly what he did....
Steve Ballmer Will Institute A No-Apple Policy For The Clippers
New Clippers owner Steve Ballmer is a Microsoft loyalist who joined the company in 1980 as its 30th employee. He's so loyal that he refuses to use anything created by Apple—he does not like Apple, man—and now it appears his personal policy is becoming his team's....
Man, Is ESPN Gonna Be Surprised When Nobody Shows Up For <em>GameDay</em>
(That's Tillman Hall, on the campus of Clemson University, which is not the University of South Carolina and is not in Columbia.)...
Attention To Detail
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Two People With Nothing To Say About Sean Taylor
Sean Taylor: A Football Life will air tomorrow night on the NFL Network, and will chronicle the life and death of Taylor, who was fatally shot by burglars during a home invasion on Nov. 26, 2007. There is no better time—though there is no bad time—to remind you of the sneering and altogether shithea...
Stevie Johnson Drafted A Really Great Fantasy You Team
When you get down to it, it is kind of strange that we get together and pretend to collect teams of employees, and award them imaginary points for things they do at their jobs, just because they work in football. So 49ers WR Stevie Johnson decided to put together his own "fantasy work team," and I t...
<em>South Park</em> Trashes The Washington Redskins; Watch The Highlights
South Park's season premiered tonight with a take on the Washington Redskins nickname and its trademark cancellation. If you missed it, here are the best moments. (Note that they were quick to replace RG3—who appeared in last week's teaser—with Kirk Cousins.)...
The Association For Women In Sports Media Will Keep The NFL's Money
Well, this is awkward. Since 2011, the NFL—no great friend to women, including the ones who work in sports media—has been a sponsor for the convention for AWSM, the Association for Women in Sports Media. How much does the NFL give? The league's last IRS tax form available online, from 2012, lists a...
Watch Manchester United Fans Brawl With Guys Dressed Like Waldo
In one corner, a bunch of drunken oafs fresh off leaving a United match. In the other corner, a bunch of drunken oafs celebrating a bachelor party and wearing matching Where's Waldo? shirts and hats. It's the most England video there is. ...
The Worst Punishment For Luis Suárez Is Forcing Him To Play Teenagers
The worst part of Luis Suárez's suspension for the player himself probably hasn't been the jokes about his cannibalistic supervillain image, nor missing out on the early parts of this promising Barcelona season, nor the weekly adulation from tens of thousands of fans he used to receive whenever he s...
Lame Golfer Kids Attempt The Shmoney Dance, Killing Hot Dance Trend
Apparently some people are confused. The US Junior Ryder Cup team has been attempting to make their shitty interpretation of the Shmoney Dance their official celebratory dance, and some people are buying in. But this is good. This is teachable....
Attorneys In The Jameis Winston Case Are Going After Each Other
Florida State University has finally gotten around to conducting its Title IX-mandated investigation of the Jameis Winston sexual assault case, which means it's time for attorneys from both sides to start taking shots at each other....
FIFA's Independent Investigator Wants His Corruption Report Released
FIFA hired an outside investigator to conduct a probe into allegations of bribery in the bidding process for the Russia and Qatar World Cups. That investigator, a former U.S. federal prosecutor, has finally submitted his findings to FIFA with the expectation that they would eventually be released to...
John Rocker Was Born To Be A <em>Survivor</em> Villain, And To Lose
You remember John Rocker....
Here's Every Edit ESPN Has Made To Its <em>OTL</em> Ray Rice-Ravens Report
We noted earlier today that Friday's bombshell Outside The Lines report included some odd, paraphrased quoting of supposed text messages to Ray Rice. That, alongside the wild—later retracted—claims about the Revel Casino providing a copy of the tape to the Ravens and NFL security led us to examine e...
Will The Pope Save The Soul Of A D.C.-Area High School Basketball Team?
The most important recruit in D.C.-area schoolboy basketball this year might just be a 77-year-old man who currently rides pine in Rome....
NFL Sponsors Don't Want Their Ads Running During Ravens Or Vikings Games
We've said before that public opinion doesn't mean a damn thing to NFL owners as they decide Roger Goodell's future, only money. So they have to be a bit worried that some of their advertisers have specifically requested that their commercials not run during Ravens or Vikings game....
Man Charged With Killing Adrian Peterson's Son Keeps Making Bail
Joseph Patterson, the South Dakota man accused of killing Tyrese Ruffin, Adrian Peterson's 2-year-old biological son last October, is currently free after posting a $2 million bond on charges that he assaulted Ruffin's mother. This is the second time in under a year that he's bonded out on charges t...
The Problem With Peter King
Let’s begin with Peter King on Twitter last night. If you hate-follow poor Peter on Twitter, as I do, you know that his stream consists largely of mangled replies and random compliments to entire towns—Helluva main street you got there, Hanover, New Hampshire!—and last night was no different. The S...