f Page 3214 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Glory Of Tebow Shall Not Be Revealed To The Apostates
Fresh off news that Tebow won't show off his arm for scouts at the NFL combine, now comes word that he won't participate in any drills. You know how a really bad movie won't be screened for critics? Yeah....
Arrested Bobsledder Has Colorful, Checkered Past
American bobsledder Bill Schuffenhauer was arrested, after allegedly assaulting his fiancée. It's another sad episode in the life of a man who always seems to find trouble....
Calm, Sober Man Explains Why He Fought Crazy Veteran On A City Bus
Even losing the world's most famous YouTube fight won't stop anyone from making the most of their 15 minutes. (And not in the way you'd expect.) Maybe Jerry Jones should host the rematch. [YouTube]...
NFL Players Care Deeply About Health Reform, At Least To The Extent That It Affects Their Love Lives
NFL players have a health-reform lobbyist, though he remains "foggy" about what they want. Players are apparently concerned with "how cash from their health reiumbursement account is split in the case of divorce." Put that on a picket sign. [CPI]...
Sexbots, Virginity, And A Heartwarming Joe Biden Poop Story
I have a serious recurring problem. Once a month or so, I will walk into a door before I have opened it. I go to a door, I grab the knob, and I begin pushing the door in before I have begun twisting the knob. Sometimes, I'll give the door full-on shoulder check before I have to back off, twist the k...
Russian Bobsledder A Little Too Pleased By Canadian Wipeout
The dirty unspoken secret of the Olympics is that for every frightening, bone-rattling, face-scraping wipeout, there's a thrilled athlete whose road to glory just got a little bit smoother. The trick is to not seem too thrilled about it....
Dead Wrestler Of The Week: Miss Elizabeth
Every week, the Masked Man, Deadspin's pro wrestling correspondent, honors the sport's fallen and examines their legacies — famous and obscure alike. Today: Miss Elizabeth, who died in 2003 of an overdose at the home of her boyfriend, Lex Luger....
Last Time I Took Ambien, I Had A Weird Dream About Scarlett Johansson And Axl Rose Playing Ping Pong
"On Tuesday of this week...[J]ohansson was seen playing pingpong with Rose at SPiN. "They were laughing the whole time," says a spy. "They looked like they were having fun." Woah. [NYPost]...
MTV, BET No Longer Safe From Chad Ochocinco
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....
Only Death Or Golfing Can Take Down Jim Leyland
Leyland's pinky toe was broken after Gene Lamont ran over his foot with a golf cart. Leyland proceeded to gnaw the toe off to keep from missing a smoke break. [Detroit News]...
Slightly Racist Mascot To Be Replaced With Cult Favorite Squid Monster From Space?
The campaign is underway to name Admiral Ackbar, of "It's a trap!" fame, the new mascot at Ole Miss. Assuming Ole Miss's endowment is enough to cover George Lucas's licensing fees. [AJC]...
Former Bulldog Returns To School To Beat Up Freshman
Knowshon Moreno, now with the Broncos, is being questioned by police regarding a bar fight in Athens this weekend. But the accuser's story is a little sketchy, because Moreno allegedly punched him so hard he can't remember him doing it....
Exciting Development In The Abridgement Of Athletes' Rights: Blood Testing For HGH!
MLB plans to implement blood testing for HGH in the minors, and the NFL wants to start drawing blood, too, and somehow this is being framed as an exciting development instead of yet more tilting and yet another windmill....
A Delightful Video Of The Europa League Soccer Riot Where A Bilbao Fan Urinates On People
Number of places off the top of my head where I've seen rival fans get peed on: Vet Stadium and...hmm. Okay, that's it. [ESPN]...
Real, Live Brian Westbrook Says He Has No Plans To Retire
From 97.5TheFanatic:"My plan is to continue to play, I'm gonna put all my effort into doing that and I will make a return to the NFL. " He made no mention of Howard Stern's prostate. [SRI]...
Darrent Williams Trial Might Explain A Lot About Brandon Marshall
The murder trial of the man accused of shooting Denver Bronco Darrent Williams began yesterday and has already revealed new details of the night of his death—including some that might explain why Brandon Marshall hates Denver so much....
I Do Not Believe Hillary Duff Is Actually Giving Mike Comrie A Blowjob In This Photo
But it looks like she is. Comrie reportedly spent $1 million on Duff's ring. He did not go to Jared. [BarstoolSports, Jr. and Bauer Griffin]...
Randy Hustle, Giving It His All
Randy Moss, already vaguely unhappy in New England, took part in an NFL charity softball game. He hit what looked like an easy infield fly...want to guess whether he ran it out or not?...
Howard Stern Prank Caller Fools ESPN
SportsCenter was so thrilled to get "Brian Westbrook" on the phone, they skipped a very important step: making sure it was actually Westbrook, and not a Stern disciple expressing his desire to worship Stern's prostate....
Tiger Woods Apologizes To A Bunch Of Toddlers
No, that headline doesn't refer to the wire services so loathed by Craggs. The Woods family wrote a note of apology to their daughter's daycare classmates....