ff Page 295 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Warriors Are Infuriatingly Too Pretty To Hate
The Pelicans had earned a fleeting lead towards the end of Game 5's second quarter last night. They’d sunk five straight shots from four different guys, with the one-browed god Anthony Davis doubling up on feral dunks. Both these teams are lean and love to run, and at this point the tempo was furiou...
The Rockets Better Not Fuck This Up
The Houston Rockets and Golden State Warriors wrapped up their five-game eliminations of, respectively, the Utah Jazz and New Orleans Pelicans last night. Like the series they ended, neither game was particularly closely contested; both losing teams did just enough to preserve their dignity and no m...
Charles Barkley And Shaq Got Each Other Steaming Mad By Yelling About Some Stupid Shit
In the right corner: Charles Barkley, man who thinks coaches need to have great relationships with their best players in order to win. In the left: Shaq, who would like to use his history being a toxic shitheel as proof that players and coaches can win while hating each other. What follows is a fail...
Oh Hey Guys What's Up?
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Chris Paul Stuck The Dagger In The Jazz
Chris Paul is advancing beyond the second round for the first time in his NBA career, and he did so by putting the Rockets on his back for their 112-102 Game 5 win against the Jazz. Paul got a new playoff high of 41 points, with 10 assists, seven boards, and no turnovers. And after Jazz rookie Donov...
Down With Decorative Pillows!
Hello and welcome to the Funbag! The last time I filled in for Drew, I took over the sex and fantasy football mailbag that he started for Kissing Suzy Kolber, a poorly named blog of a bygone era. I am presently unemployed, so if Drew turns up dead and I’m writing this column again next week, I didn’...
What's Eating Rodney Hood?
In the second postseason of his career, Rodney Hood has done very little to speak of. So far the Cavs’ trade deadline pickup has coughed up 4.6 points a game on 40-percent shooting from the floor and just 13-percent shooting from the arc, making him an especially useless cog in a LeBron Plus Shooter...
The Capitals Finally Did It
It doesn’t really matter. It’s just a conference final appearance. The Capitals are only halfway through the postseason, eight wins down, eight tough wins still left to earn for the only ending that’ll leave them truly satisfied. And each of the four other teams still alive are better bets to go th...
Filip Forsberg Is Too Pretty To Die Without A Game 7<em></em>
The Predators beat the Jets 4-0 in Winnipeg tonight to fight off second-round elimination and force a Game 7 back in Nashville. It was a mostly tense game despite the final, with the danger of a two-goal lead particularly looming over the Preds when the Jets had an early third-period power play. But...
OK, Roenick, That's Enough<em></em>
For exclusive videos, pictures, and more, like us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter and Instagram. Send us your confidential tips at [email protected], call our confidential tips hotline at (347) 746-8471, contact our writers directly, or use our anonymous SecureDrop system....
Raptors Barely Bother To Show Up For Their Last Game Of The Season
Let’s get this straight first off: the Raptors were dead the moment LeBron James’s floater went off the backboard and through the net to end Game 3. But at the very least, the number one seed in the East could have put up a fight before packing their bags for summer vacation. Instead, Toronto laid d...
Evgeny Kuznetsov Frees The Capitals From Playoff Hell<em></em>
For the first time ever, an Alexander Ovechkin Capitals team has both advanced past the NHL’s second round and beaten the Sidney Crosby Penguins in a playoff series. Evgeny Kuznetsov got the Game 6 series-ender in overtime, breaking the teams’ 1-1 tie off a turnover stolen by Ovechkin and passed acr...
T.J. McConnell Saves The Sixers From A Sweep
A last-second surprise from Sixers coach Brett Brown proved to be the difference-maker in his team’s Game 4 against the Celtics. For only the second time all season, reserve Philly point guard T.J. McConnell got a spot in the starting lineup, replacing small forward Robert Covington, who had failed ...
You Check Ben Simmons The Same Way You Defend A Campsite
When I look at Philadelphia 76ers guard Ben Simmons, I see a very tall and extremely talented young basketball player with a resting dick face and no jump shot. When Boston Celtics coach Brad Stevens looks at him, he sees a curious foraging bear. For this reason, he is a basketball coaching genius....
Donovan Mitchell Was Invincible For A Minute
Donovan Mitchell spent his first-ever playoff series incinerating both his defenders and every reasonable expectation for even the most precocious rookie. In pouring in 28.5 ppg on 46 percent shooting from the floor and 36 percent from three, Mitchell managed serious volume without loss of efficienc...
How Clint Capela Became Houston's Secret Weapon
Early in the second quarter of the Houston Rockets’ postseason-opening win over the Minnesota Timberwolves, James Harden wiggled through the defense, drew help, and dropped a pass to Clint Capela for a dunk. It was Capela’s third jam of the game, with Harden assisting on each. TNT announcer Chris We...
Bay Area TV Reporter Resigns After Stealing Warriors Employee's Jacket
Mike Shumann, a longtime sportscaster for KGO-TV in San Francisco, has announced his resignation after being caught on camera last month taking a jacket that belonged to the Golden State Warriors’ director of team security....
Michael Buffer Announces Soccer Lineup While Being Soaked By A Sprinkler
It’s never really a bad idea to get famous boxing announcer Michael Buffer to show up at a sporting event and get people ready to rumble. This is mostly because he’ll always do the job well—he’s had plenty of practice—even when unforeseen obstacles arise. Just ask the fans in attendance at Sunday’s ...
Marc-Andre Fleury Is Playing The Hockey Of His Life
Marc-Andre Fleury was the face of the Golden Knights long before the Golden Knights had any faces. The two worst-kept secrets in hockey were that 1)the Penguins were prepared to hitch their wagon to the decade-younger Matt Murray and would not protect Fleury in the upcoming expansion draft, and 2)Ve...
It Has Come To This: Coach Orders Brad Marchand To Stop Licking Opponents
A request from the league didn’t do the trick. A sternly worded letter has been sent; an NHL bigwig also delivered the message to the player and his team’s manager. Now we are here: Bruins coach Bruce Cassidy ordering his player to stop licking the faces of his opponents before the start of today’s ...