ff Page 554 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
U.S. Attorney: Barry Bonds Prosecution Is Important Because Stan Musial Smoked Cigarettes. Or Something.
Joseph Russoniello, U.S. attorney for the Northern District of California, feels very strongly about Barry Bonds and the use of performance-enhancing drugs. Why? Because Stan Musial, the Perfect Knight, turned him into a smoker, that's why....
Not Gay Richard Jefferson Let His Girl Down Easy
Richard Jefferson is in full damage control mode after supposedly dumping his fianceé by emailing her at the altar or something. He's setting the story straight about the Black AMEX, the shadiness, and the money. Oh, and the gayness....
Jeff Garlin: “This Is The Longest Rape Has Ever Been A Topic For Anything I’ve Ever Discussed”
This week's Deadcast guest is "Curb Your Enthusiasm" co-star and producer Jeff Garlin (Listen here, iTunes here, buy Jeff's standup DVD here). We talk rape! Far more than Jeff prefers!...
Terrell Owens Suddenly Remembers He Has This Thing He Has To Be At
I was surprised to learn "The Superstars" was actually on last night, opposite the All-Star Pregame. (Counterprogramming!) Thanks to the magic of time travel, I have learned that the episode was way more pointless than usual....
Richard Jefferson In "The Runaway Groom"
New Spur Richard Jefferson was supposed to get married this weekend, but he put his fianceé on the train to Dumpsville just days before the nuptials. If only he'd remembered to tell his guests....
Report: Unnamed Amorous Ballplayer Plays For Team That Appropriately Doesn't Know How To Score
Onetime declared virgin Jeff Pearlman knows which baseball player was cold mackin' on an intern in Houston recently, but he's not telling. All he'll say is that the ballplayer was — are you ready for this? — a Washington National....
Mad Dog Goes Rabid, Needs To Be Put Down (SECOND UPDATE)
What can only be described as one of sports talk radio's most epic meltdowns happened two days ago. But since it happened on satellite radio, nobody knows a got-dang thing about it....
Lenny Dykstra Gets Played Off
I'm generally unmoved by popular internet memes but, dammit, I just can't help myself when it comes to Keyboard Cat. Luckily, Gawker video samurai Mike Byhoff shares my love of The Cat and put this together for us....
From Your Very Special Guest Editor
Last time I wrote on this page, it was with unbridled cautious optimism for Trent Edwards and the 2008 Buffalo Bills. Was I wrong? Yes and no. Well, actually, just yes....
Ballhawks Ruining It For The Rest Of Us
You see them at every baseball game. The obsessive geeks who stake out batting practice and clamor over beautiful girls just to get random fly balls from third-string catchers. But now they're refining their tactics and upping their demands....
Oh, Jason, You've Really Gone And Done It Now...
Jason Whitlock wrote a face-slapper of a column about Serena Williams where he says things like this: "I am not fundamentally opposed to junk in the trunk, although my preference is a stuffed onion over an oozing pumpkin." Jezebels...ATTACK!...
In Other Former NFL Quarterback News...
Quincy Carter has been released by the Abilene Ruff Riders after he flaked out again.The team said he simply didn't show up and had no idea of his whereabouts. And he seemed so re-focused. [LewP]...
Terrell Owens and Joanna Krupa Rise From The Dead
ABC made a mistake when they somehow let the onlymost marketable face on their game show get booted off in the first week. Well, thanks to the magic of television that's all a distant memory!...
13-Year-Old Commits To Lane Kiffin, Kind Of
The 13-year-old boy has enough to worry about. Committing to a college is not usually one of those preoccupations, unless you're really, really good — or the brother of an All-American who plays for Lane Kiffin. Or both!...
Don't Like Your Starting Pitcher? Sell Him On eBay
His value is estimated at $100,000, so for $.01 on a joke eBay auction, Suppan is a steal. Disclaimer: "No Harms was made to Brewers, Fans, Suppan, Hall and any other animal while making and publishing this add." [HRDerby]...
Well, That Doesn't Add Up
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap...
Where Awkward Happens: Reading The Body Language Of NBA Draft Picks
The David Stern handshake is a newly drafted player's baptism into the NBA. It is also, often as not, hilariously awkward. We asked body language maven Patti Wood to analyze some of these moments from yesterday's Draft....
Braves Reliever Breaks Hand On Door, Pops Bone Back In, Pitches 7th, Needs Surgery, Apologizes
"I'm ashamed of myself.This is a professional sport; you handle yourself in a professional manner. I didn't do that. … I'm just hopeful that Bobby and Frank will give me another chance." [SBB/AJC]...
Man Falls From Hockeytown's Roof...Reader Has Enthusiastic Report
This is unfortunate. A Tiger fan hanging out at Detroit's famous Hockeytown bar fell off the roof deck and landed on the sidewalk. We hope he's okay. But one intrepid reader was there to offer this [Sic'd/Sick?] report....
Blake Griffin Is A Clipper
1. Los Angeles Clippers: Blake Griffin, Oklahoma. Okay, so the pick hasn't been announced yet, but it's not exactly a secret....