fl Page 289 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Antonio Brown And The Conversation Nobody Wants To Have
I watched the NFL on CBS this Sunday because I knew they had no choice but to talk about Antonio Brown. Brown was sued earlier this week by a former trainer, Britney Taylor, who said that Brown sexually assaulted and raped her when she worked for him. The day before, Brown had been signed by the New...
Soft Roughing The Passer Call Helps Deprive World Of Elite Joe Flacco Moment
On the Broncos’ final drive of the game, Joe Flacco finally looked like the elite quarterback that John Elway thought he was when the Denver GM signed the ex-Raven this offseason. After leading his team 50 yards down the field, Flacco faced a 4th-and-3 on the Bears’ 12-yard line. The quarterback the...
This Flop Saved A Touchdown
The block, by Pittsburgh safety Sean Davis, was unnecessary. Steelers linebacker Mark Barron was going to return a fumble for a touchdown without his help. But Davis hit Tyler Lockett in the back, and it was a penalty for illegal block in the back....
Let's Move The 49ers, Again
I am not among those of my era who are amazed that the Rolling Stones are still touring energetically at carbon-dateable age, but I know I am in the minority here, and I recognize power when I see it. So when the Stones condemned their recent experience playing the 49ers’ stadium, the implication wa...
Should A Home Run Automatically End An Inning?
I will not keep you waiting for an answer on this one. No, absolutely not and under no circumstances would it be a good idea for a homer to automatically end an inning in a big league baseball game. It seems important not to equivocate on this question. And yet this Funbag question, from a listener ...
George Best And The Soccer Battle Of The Sexes That Changed ... Well, Nothing
Fifty years ago, on a drizzly Sunday afternoon in Manchester, Eva Haraldsted played soccer against George Best. Haraldsted was 21 years old. She wore a turquoise mini-dress, white soccer boots, and a high ponytail, and was captain of a women’s team called Blinkers United. Best, the shaggy-haired Man...
Dipshit NFL Reporter Exposes His Entire Ass With Blockheaded Tweets About Antonio Brown's Rape Case
Oftentimes, the worst examples of society’s despicable penchant for immediately blaming and/or discrediting women who report being victims of sexual assault are relegated to anonymous, obscure social media posters and website commenters. Other times, the dumbfucks embodying the trend are people with...
The Secret Fun Of Wild Card Bumper Cars Without An Audience
Having been surprised and inspired by Comrade Burneko’s scolding paean to the virtues of minor league baseball (namely, that it’s fun and people you don’t hang out with seem to like it so it deserves its continued existence based solely on that fact), I decided to avert my eyes from the smoldering r...
Donald Trump: We Love Bill Belichick, Don't We, And Also Curing AIDS?
There are two versions of President Donald Trump that appear in public. They both inhabit the same body—the same Youppi-shaped torso pitched forward at the same implausible angles, same ghost-pale eyelids fluttering alarmingly, same resplendent candyfloss Kangol of hair stuck on top of it like a wei...
The First Game Of The Rest Of Our Lives
Eighteen years ago this morning I awoke to shouts from the hall of my dorm. “We’re going to war! We’re going to war!” The origin of the shouting was my neighbor Brian, known for his histrionics, so I went back to sleep. But soon after, I received a call from my high school quarterback, Justin, livin...
Competitive Oyster Shucking Is Real, Decadent, And China's Best Party
Many people who visit Beijing take special pleasure in doing a thing they often do, but on the Great Wall. Shotgunning a beer on the Great Wall. Lighting a cigar on the Great Wall. Making a sandwich and then eating it on the Great Wall. I have personally seen a used condom on the Great Wall....
Let's Remember Some Guys: The Precise Location Of The Infamous 1986 Mets Bar Brawl
One good thing about the New York Mets, which is only good if you do not care about the team or its success, is that they always do just what the Mets are going to do. This does not necessarily mean Disappoint The Faithful or Screw Up Preposterously, either. That’s absolutely part of it, but there a...
The Juiced Ball Is Going To Mess With MLB's Already Messed-Up Market
“Juiced” feels like the wrong word to describe what’s going on with the baseballs currently being put in play and mashed over fences in MLB. Not because what it’s describing isn’t real—it’s real all right—but because it makes it seem like the balls themselves have been injected with some kind of hom...
Laura Ingraham Schooled By Benjamin Watson In Deeply Satisfying Fox News Segment
I swear that headline up there is not the result of late night Mad Libs. Patriots tight end Benjamin Watson was on Fox News with conservative shithead Laura Ingraham Monday to discuss a recent article by Jemele Hill. It became clear almost immediately that Watson was expected to share Ingraham’s sne...
Where Do The Raiders Go From Here?
Lost in the exciting new world of Antonio Brown the Patriot (can’t you just see the glint in Bill Belichick’s eye?) is what Brown left behind:...
Kent State Determines Football Team's Pregame Fireworks More Important Than Overtime Field Hockey Game
Saturday’s college field hockey game between Maine and Temple was called off in the middle of play after host school Kent State needed the field to set up pre-game fireworks for the football game next door, per the Bangor Daily News. While the teams were told of a potential scheduling conflict befor...
The Dolphins Aren't Enjoying This Fiasco Any More Than You Are
Dolphins head coach Brian Flores declared on Friday, “I have a good team.” What a difference one game makes, especially when that game was Miami’s 59-10 loss to the Ravens, featuring the most points and the most yards (643) the Dolphins have given up in their history. Brian Flores on Sunday: “We’ve ...
CBS Shows Ads Over The Void After Power Outage Disrupts Chiefs-Jaguars Broadcast
Coming back from a commercial after the Jaguars cut the Chiefs’ lead to 37-19, CBS didn’t return to the game broadcast. In a nihilistic twist, the network kept showing ads over nothing....
Hugh Freeze Switches From Hospital Bed To Medical Chair, But Liberty Loses Again
Hugh Freeze, who is still recovering from a staph infection, should definitely be in bed munching on ice pellets, but he won’t stop jeopardizing his health for Liberty football, dammit. The dude coached from a hospital bed in the Flames’ first game of the season, a shutout loss to Syracuse, but for ...
How Do The Raiders Do It?
Year after year, move after move, hire after hire, the Raiders outdo their own capacity for abject humiliation, and every time you think they’ve bottomed out, they bring in a new excavator. And now, with the start and also pending end of the Antonio Brown era, they can honestly say that the earth’s ...