fl Page 291 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Donald Trump: We Love Bill Belichick, Don't We, And Also Curing AIDS?
There are two versions of President Donald Trump that appear in public. They both inhabit the same body—the same Youppi-shaped torso pitched forward at the same implausible angles, same ghost-pale eyelids fluttering alarmingly, same resplendent candyfloss Kangol of hair stuck on top of it like a wei...
The First Game Of The Rest Of Our Lives
Eighteen years ago this morning I awoke to shouts from the hall of my dorm. “We’re going to war! We’re going to war!” The origin of the shouting was my neighbor Brian, known for his histrionics, so I went back to sleep. But soon after, I received a call from my high school quarterback, Justin, livin...
Competitive Oyster Shucking Is Real, Decadent, And China's Best Party
Many people who visit Beijing take special pleasure in doing a thing they often do, but on the Great Wall. Shotgunning a beer on the Great Wall. Lighting a cigar on the Great Wall. Making a sandwich and then eating it on the Great Wall. I have personally seen a used condom on the Great Wall....
Let's Remember Some Guys: The Precise Location Of The Infamous 1986 Mets Bar Brawl
One good thing about the New York Mets, which is only good if you do not care about the team or its success, is that they always do just what the Mets are going to do. This does not necessarily mean Disappoint The Faithful or Screw Up Preposterously, either. That’s absolutely part of it, but there a...
The Juiced Ball Is Going To Mess With MLB's Already Messed-Up Market
“Juiced” feels like the wrong word to describe what’s going on with the baseballs currently being put in play and mashed over fences in MLB. Not because what it’s describing isn’t real—it’s real all right—but because it makes it seem like the balls themselves have been injected with some kind of hom...
Laura Ingraham Schooled By Benjamin Watson In Deeply Satisfying Fox News Segment
I swear that headline up there is not the result of late night Mad Libs. Patriots tight end Benjamin Watson was on Fox News with conservative shithead Laura Ingraham Monday to discuss a recent article by Jemele Hill. It became clear almost immediately that Watson was expected to share Ingraham’s sne...
Where Do The Raiders Go From Here?
Lost in the exciting new world of Antonio Brown the Patriot (can’t you just see the glint in Bill Belichick’s eye?) is what Brown left behind:...
Kent State Determines Football Team's Pregame Fireworks More Important Than Overtime Field Hockey Game
Saturday’s college field hockey game between Maine and Temple was called off in the middle of play after host school Kent State needed the field to set up pre-game fireworks for the football game next door, per the Bangor Daily News. While the teams were told of a potential scheduling conflict befor...
The Dolphins Aren't Enjoying This Fiasco Any More Than You Are
Dolphins head coach Brian Flores declared on Friday, “I have a good team.” What a difference one game makes, especially when that game was Miami’s 59-10 loss to the Ravens, featuring the most points and the most yards (643) the Dolphins have given up in their history. Brian Flores on Sunday: “We’ve ...
CBS Shows Ads Over The Void After Power Outage Disrupts Chiefs-Jaguars Broadcast
Coming back from a commercial after the Jaguars cut the Chiefs’ lead to 37-19, CBS didn’t return to the game broadcast. In a nihilistic twist, the network kept showing ads over nothing....
Hugh Freeze Switches From Hospital Bed To Medical Chair, But Liberty Loses Again
Hugh Freeze, who is still recovering from a staph infection, should definitely be in bed munching on ice pellets, but he won’t stop jeopardizing his health for Liberty football, dammit. The dude coached from a hospital bed in the Flames’ first game of the season, a shutout loss to Syracuse, but for ...
How Do The Raiders Do It?
Year after year, move after move, hire after hire, the Raiders outdo their own capacity for abject humiliation, and every time you think they’ve bottomed out, they bring in a new excavator. And now, with the start and also pending end of the Antonio Brown era, they can honestly say that the earth’s ...
Person Caught Saying “I Never Had My Butt Fingered” On NFL Broadcast
The NFL is back, and we already have our biggest storyline of the season: Who said “I never had my butt fingered” on the NBC broadcast of the season’s opening Packers-Bears game?...
Why Is The NFL Giving Money To A Group That Believes Trump Needs To Save Chicago From Gang Violence?
One of the first major moves that the NFL and Roc Nation’s “Inspire Change” program will make is donate $400,000 to two Chicago groups that position themselves as local service organizations aimed at helping keep children in low-income neighborhoods off the streets, according to TMZ. The recipients ...
Football Is The Last Great American Vice
Drew Magary’s Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Email Drew here. Buy his book here....
Antonio Brown And The Raiders Have Conspired To Ruin Every Goddamn Thing
Let us start with a hearty LOL. The Oakland Raiders traded for downfield savant Antonio Brown during the offseason, handed him $30-plus million in guaranteed money, and now stand ready to piss that investment away in the quickest, most Raiders-like fashion possible. Adam Schefter is now reporting th...
The NFL Is 100, And Sometimes It Makes You Feel That Way Too
You may not have heard about it because the National Football League has fought heroically to keep this information out of the public, but this season the NFL celebrates its 100th year of whatever it is that they do. Toward that end, commissioner and dictator-for-life Jerry Jones was invited to the ...
Why Your Team Sucks 2019: New England Patriots
Some people are fans of the New England Patriots. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the New England Patriots. This 2019 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the previews here.Your team: Orchids of Asia. Real change of pace for someone in this organization to ...
Why Your Team Sucks 2019: Los Angeles Rams
Some people are fans of the Los Angeles Rams. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Los Angeles Rams. This 2019 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the previews so far here....
I Broke The Official Jeremy Renner App By Posting The Word "Porno" On It
The Butterfly Effect is the idea that a solitary flap of a butterfly’s wings will eventually result in a hurricane halfway across the globe. In the interests of moving forward as a society, and because I don’t think I’ve seen a butterfly in, like, four years, I believe it is time to retire this term...