fl Page 325 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
T.J. Watt Got Fined $20,000 For Breathing Near Matt Ryan's Leg
The start of this NFL season has been marked, over and over again, the softest possible roughing the passer penalties. Defenders are not allowed to land on top of quarterbacks, which means that they must somehow levitate or something after completing a sack. The rule was tweaked to emphasize protect...
Saquon Barkley Is So Good And It Just Doesn't Matter
The Giants are the worst sort of bad team: one whose braintrust clearly believed was a contender for a playoff spot in the offseason, only to be revealed as a total moribund disaster once the regular season began. Most of this is because Eli Manning is a husk of himself and presently either unable o...
John Gagliardi Was The Only Good Coach<em></em>
Drew Magary’s Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Email Drew here. Buy his book here....
What Can We Learn From Four Stadium Deals That Don't Suck?
Whenever professional economists are asked about stadium and arena deals, they invariably explain, for the hundredth time, that these “almost never” work out to the benefit of the public. (Look, here are a bunch saying so just a few weeks ago!) Between the price tags in the hundreds of millions of d...
Joe Flacco's Wife Thinks He Needs To Try Harder At Wide Receiver
The Ravens have occasionally thrown two-quarterback looks at opponents this season, with both Lamar Jackson and Joe Flacco on the field at the same time. When Flacco has to split out wide, he does so with all the enthusiasm of a child forced to dress up for church....
Colts Lineman Matt Slauson Played Almost An Entire Half With Two Broken Vertebrae
On Monday, the Indianapolis Colts placed starting guard Matt Slauson on injured reserve with an unspecified injury. Slauson played all 83 offensive snaps in the team’s loss to the Patriots last week, and his injury was only apparent after the game. As it turns out, he had been playing since early in...
The Flyers' Home Opener Went So Badly, They're Swearing
Now, you pieces of shit know that I can’t abide cursing. There’s no fucking reason for an educated, grown man to resort to swear words. How goddamned bad could the Flyers’ home opener against the Sharks have been to spur not one, but two players to work blue?...Oh! Oh. Jesus fishfisting Christ. Yeah...
Mike Clevinger Is Just Ridiculously Angry At Robert Flores For Sharing A Silly Video
Cleveland starter Mike Clevinger pitched adequately in his team’s final game of the postseason on Monday, though the relievers after him completely self-destructed in the 11-3 loss to the Astros. It seems like that’s still a sore spot for Clevinger....
Giants Give Up On Former Top-10 Pick Ereck Flowers
It’s conventional wisdom that building a good football team requires the acquisition of a great left tackle. This is the rule the New York Giants were attempting to follow in 2015, when they used the ninth overall pick in the draft on University of Miami left tackle Ereck Flowers. The player picked ...
Former NFL Linebacker's Solution For The Struggling Eagles: Hump Less
The Eagles are 2-3, but fortunately for them, their division sucks. Former NFL linebacker and Philly news anchor Garry Cobb has a suggestion to get the team back on track: Don’t let the players fuck....
Michael Thomas Stayed Up Late To Needle "Goof Ball Con Artist" Josh Norman On Twitter
Saints wide receiver Michael Thomas and Skins cornerback Josh Norman spent much of last night feuding on Twitter after New Orleans drubbed Washington 43-19 on Monday night. It started with three different Skins defensive backs calling out Thomas in their post-match pressers for being a twerp....
Ass Team Of The Week: The Ravens Won The Ass-Off
Listen, any doo-doo team can go out there and get the shit kicked out of them by the Rams or the Chiefs. The truest expressions of buttness tend to happen when one meaty cheek meets another, combining to form one giant Voltron ass with a stink that envelopes the whole game. On Sunday the Baltimore R...
The Dolphins Politely Waited Until The Second Half To Doo-Doo Their Pants
The Miami Dolphins started the season 3-0 before they were thoroughly exposed by the Patriots in Week 4. But they’ve always played poorly in Foxboro, so there was a chance to bounce back, albeit on the road against the 3-1 Bengals. On Sunday, the Fins actually held a 17-0 lead in the third quarter—b...
Things I Lost In The Fire
My parents lost their house during the Northern California wildfires that ignited exactly a year ago. I was visiting when it happened. Mere minutes elapsed from the time a panicked sheriff’s deputy banged on our front door telling us to leave right now to the moment we drove away from my childhood h...
The Raiders Had First-And-Goal At The 1 And Didn't Give It To Marshawn Lynch
Down 20-3 to the Chargers in the third quarter Sunday, the Raiders put together a 74-yard drive and threatened to make it a two-possession game. A defensive pass interference penalty gave Oakland first-and-goal at the one-yard line. Marshawn Lynch was lined up in the backfield. Yes, this is all very...
This Hit On Brandin Cooks Was Somehow Not Flagged
The NFL appears to have completely abandoned its newly-instated helmet rule that caused loads of controversy in the first couple weeks of the preseason. No penalties were called on Tedric Thompson after he nearly took Brandin Cooks head clean off of his body late in the second quarter of Rams-Seahaw...
Linval Joseph Scores Ultimate Fat Man Touchdown
Fat man touchdowns are one of the few remaining things about football that can bring me pure, unadulterated joy in a moment’s notice. Vikings defensive tackle Linval Joseph is the latest large lad to bring me such happiness. On a 1st-and-10 passing play, Stephen Weatherly was able to strip-sack Cars...
Today I Declare To You That The Following Wideouts Are Dogshit<em></em>
Drew Magary’s Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Email Drew here. Buy his book here....
Floyd Landis Is Using Lance Armstrong's Settlement Money To Start A Cycling Team
Of the $5 million that Lance Armstrong agreed to pay the federal government in April to settle a protracted legal battle, $1.1 million went to Armstrong’s former teammate Floyd Landis for his service as a whistleblower. Landis, who famously turned on Armstrong in 2010, told the Wall Street Journal t...
Fame And Fantasy In The Heavyweight Battle Of The Atlantic
A note before starting: Much of this was written before the Saturday, Sept. 22nd heavyweight title fight between Anthony Joshua and Alexander Povetkin held at Wembley Stadium in London, hence the two parts to the piece—before Wembley, and then upon arrival and afterwards. There is a lot of specula...