foot Page 270 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Report: The Patriots Will Soon Be Schiano Men
For the first time since 2001, Bill Belichick will hire a coordinator from outside of the Patriots staff. The Boston Globe reported this morning that erstwhile Ohio State defensive coordinator Greg Schiano will join the team to serve in the same role, replacing de facto 2018 DC and now-Miami-bound B...
Nobody Wants The Raiders
Of all the narratives (a word I fully intend to expunge from the language as soon as I am named Secretary of Taste in the Harris administration) that the National Football League has had to combat in the last five years, there has been none quite so surreptitiously corrosive as the story of The NIMB...
Miami Hurricanes Sign Large, Tatted-Up Australian To Be Their New Punter
Australia has been a good source of punting prospects for American football, but rarely have they looked this Australian. Meet Louis Hedley, the new punter signed by the Miami Hurricanes. Yes, this guy is playing college ball:...
Sean McVay Clone Who Worked For Sean McVay Insists He Won't Try To Be Sean McVay
Meet Zac Taylor, the Bengals’ new head coach. His name will rarely be more than five words away from “Sean McVay” in any broadcast of his team’s games. Although it seems very obvious that his connection to his former boss was the reason Taylor went from being the Rams’ QBs coach to fielding interv...
Raiders Stiff-Armed By San Francisco In Mark Davis's Desperate Search For A Temporary Home
The saga of Mark Davis looking for a temporary home for his relocating Raiders took another stupid turn this week, after the team reportedly arrived at a plan to play their home games in nearby San Francisco. Turns out that plan, like so many of this idiot organization’s endeavors, was a big dumb n...
There Was A Big Ol' Brawl Between Patriots Fans At Their Super Bowl Parade
The Patriots held their Super Bowl parade today in Boston, and when you have so many in this short of a span, it gets a little repetitive. The team took a shot at ESPN’s Max Kellerman, because apparently he was this year’s big baddie who needed to be proven wrong. Bionic mastiff Rob Gronkowski and h...
Oh God, What If The Patriots Win A SEVENTH Title?!<em></em>
Today, we’re talking about the Super Bowl, stoner girlfriends, the NBA, and more....
Trey Wingo Gets Far Too Loud As He Defends The Lowest-Scoring Super Bowl Ever
Hours after the end of a terminally dull Super Bowl that only Patriots fans and defensive coordinators could love, the contrarian takes started flaring up—stuff about how the game only sucked if you couldn’t appreciate Bill Belichick’s masterful defensive game plan, or how you needed to be a zone co...
How Baylor Happened
WACO, Texas — There’s not much to recommend spending four years in Waco. Driving into town up Interstate 35 from the south, the endless stretch of Texas nothing fills out slowly. It’s flat in the way you think Texas is flat. Empty fields give way to John Deere dealerships, then fast-food chains. On ...
The Crappiest Super Bowl In Memory Also Did The Crappiest Ratings In More Than A Decade
Super Bowl LIII did huge viewership numbers, relative to all other non-Super Bowl American television events. But relative to other recent Super Bowls, New England’s dismal 13–3 victory over the vanishing Rams was a ratings dud, drawing the fewest households to its broadcast in recent NFL history. P...
How The Patriots' Defense Put The Rams In A Trash Can
Okay, so Jared Goff looked lost and Sean McVay had no clue how to adjust and the Patriots basically needed just one touchdown drive to win another stinkin’ Super Bowl while also defeating what we all thought was the future of the NFL. So what did New England do that so panicked Goff and McVay? Mostl...
Bill Belichick Stands Athwart The Future
When the most tedious Super Bowl in history had ended and you had picked up your jaw after learning that Tom Brady had not been named the game’s most valuable player out of desperation and habit, you realized that, fittingly, most people did not get what they wanted out of America’s Jesus-Free Chris...
The Rams Had No Answer For One Patriots Play
If you squint really hard, and maybe turn your head 75 degrees to the right, you could find an oasis of good football in the desert of crap that was Super Bowl 53. It didn’t come in the first half, which was the second-lowest scoring opening 30 minutes in Super Bowl history. And it didn’t come from ...
Three Points? Three Goddamn Points?
This motherfucker. This little baby we’ve been hearing about all year. The wunderkind who’s revolutionizing football and forcing owners all over the league to hand their teams over to the first stubbled quarterbacks coach they can find. He scored three points in the Super Bowl!...
Where The Hell Was Todd Gurley?
The last thing anybody wants to hear on this awful Monday morning is “Bill Belichick takes away your best player,” but, uh, that’s exactly what he did to the Rams’ dismal offense in the Patriots’ 13-3 Super Bowl win. Nothing at all went right anywhere for Los Angeles when they had the ball, but thei...
Mondo Fucking Dumbass Insanely Wrong On Super Bowl Prediction
Here’s CBS NFL analyst Tony Romo, seer of seers, prognosticator of prognosticators, giving his Super Bowl prediction from last week. Check out Nostradamus over here!...
Well, That Sucked
At no time was Super Bowl 53 as compelling, entertaining, or satisfying as that video of a naked guy pooping while flipping into a lake. Sunday evening would have been better spent watching that again. But we watch the Super Bowls we are given, so our options are either to admire the defensive domin...
God Fucking Dammit
Well the Patriots won the fucking Super Bowl again, defeating the Rams 13-3. It was somehow even less fun to watch than that last sentence was to read, as 53 minutes elapsed before anything of substance happened on the offensive side of the ball. Tom Brady now has more Super Bowl wins than any other...
Exciting Play Almost Happens
Holy shit! This could have really swung things in the Patriots’ favor by giving them the best field position they would have had all day! Instead, it resulted in a good stiff-arm for Anderson and a seven-yard gain. Too bad the ball is an oblong shape and it just escaped the grasp of Dont’a Hightower...
Super Bowl Record Broken
If ever there were a Super Bowl to set a punting record, this was the one....