g Page 5049 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Extinct Michigan Wolverine A Metaphor For Something, Probably
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Ducks 911 Call: 'M-A-S-O-L-I, Like The Football Player'
The best part about Oregon's Jeremiah Masoli and Garrett Embry pleading guilty to second-degree burglary is that police can officially release the 911 call. Here it is, and it's excellent....

The Best In NCAA Conspiracy Theories
The NCAA Selection Committee is a shadowy backroom cabal, operating with minimal transparency and zero oversight. But do they really rig the brackets? We look at five of the most plausible theories, and rank them on their merits....

Terrified Children Still Being Thrown, Taunted By Angry Sheep
It's been a while since we've had a quality bustin' incident featured here, but thankfully the heartless marketing team of the Colorado Mammoth's professional lacrosse organization recently let the mighty sheep embarrass some over-matched tots during halftime. Mutton victorious....

Potential Train Wreck Alert: Mike Tyson Gets Reality Show
Mike Tyson is coming to Animal Planet. Tentatively titled Take on Tyson, the show will "pit Tyson and his birds against the best racing-pigeon owners in New York." Can it possibly top this? [NY Post]...

Why Does The Selection Committee Keep Screwing The Mid-Majors?
Joe Sheehan over at Basketball Prospectus is back aboard a favorite old hobbyhorse of his — the NCAA selection committee's habit of matching up non-BCS schools in the first round — and damned if he doesn't have a point....

Prepare For Deadspin's Preposterous Spring Break Week, Featuring Pat Jordan
Sometimes we get lofty ideas, ones that seem great in theory, but are impossible to execute and may unexpectedly end with a wounded frog. Here's another: Pat Jordan, revered wildman sportswriter, is covering Spring Break in Daytona Beach for us....

Stupid English People Will No Longer Get To Chase Rolling Cheese Down A Hill
After an illustrious 183-year run, the annual Whitsun cheese-rolling event on Cooper's Hill in Gloucester has been canceled, partly for safety reasons. Add "chasing cheese wheels down a steep hill" to the list of things that England has deemed unsafe....

Clark Kellogg Renamed The Midwest Bracket The "Bang Bus" Bracket For Some Reason
Clark Kellogg's mind must be in the gutter. Or he has some nefarious plans for Evan Turner and the San Diego State cheer squad. H/t Hernando for the video....

Today In Ridiculous High School Dunks
On his way to leading Springfield Hillcrest to the Missouri state championship, Trey Starks took some time to jump over a much taller opponent for a vicious dunk. It's a recurring thing for him. H/t David K. for the video....

Calipari On Buccigross: "He's A Jagoff"
Kentucky coach John Calipari talked with SportsCenter today. Wrapping up, he had the chance to say something to ESPN's John Buccigross. Calipari proceeds to call him a "jagoff" yet again. H/t reader Tyler for the video....

The Saddest, Most Pitiful Sentence Illinois Basketball Fans Will Ever Read
"Though Illinois is seeded No. 1 in the NIT, it couldn't host a first-round game because Cirque du Soleil is performing at the Assembly Hall this week." Even sadder? My parents have tickets. [IlliniHQ]...

Onions, Both Peeled And Grabbed, Win The Weekend
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like the guy from the NCAA selection committee who peeled his metaphorical onions, and this happy Buccaneer from East Tennessee State, who merely gripped his....

Tiger Woods' Comeback Will Be Ratings Blockbuster, CBS Prez Says
"[T]hat is an indication that whatever he does has enormous interest. And whatever he does on the golf course for the first time since Thanksgiving will be of interest to almost every man and women in this country."[SI/Deitsch]...

Stevie Franchise Attempts To Scratch His Frontal Lobe
This is just dag nasty. But at least the Orlando Magic guard has found an activity to keep him occupied while bench-riding. I love the reaction these guys had while watching the horrifying booger excavation take place....

And Joe Lunardi Re-Enters Cryopreservation
As you enjoy the NCAA selection show and prepare to enter your own office pool, one of our readers shares a co-worker's concept of a bracket that boggles the mind....

Can Television Save Boxing From Itself?
Boxing's inconsistent drug policies have thus far deprived us of the fight everyone wants. But a German TV station has taken the initiative and mandated that all of its fights will use the strictest testing standards. Could this work here?...

Packers Addiction Is The Most Crippling Of All
The Packers honor a man who sold his blood to afford season tickets. Sure, the medical screening saved his life, but should we really be celebrating this? [Packers.com]...

Owner Of 14th Place Team Proposes Rule Allowing 14th Place Teams To Make Playoffs
The NHL's GM meetings wrapped up this week, and lost in the foofaraw over hits to the head was the Islanders' brilliant idea to render the six months of the regular season meaningless....

Jets Offer 50/50 Proposition; Somehow Still Underdogs
The Jets want to flip a coin with the Giants for the right to have the first game at the new Meadowlands Stadium. Seems fair, after they lost the coin toss to get their own stadium. [NYJets.com]...