g Page 5240 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Tall Order For Soccer-Playing Waitress
A 22-year-old waitress from Watsonville, Calif. with little playing experience is among tryout finalists for the FC Gold Pride, one of seven teams in the new Women's Professional Soccer league. [San Jose Mercury]...

Phelps Bong Hits Feed The Homeless In San Francisco
Kellogg's recent dumping of Michel Phelps as its spokesman had at least one unexpected consequence: The sudden appearance of about 3,800 pounds of cereal at the San Francisco Food Bank....

Lane Kiffin Denies Gas Pumping Comment
Lane Kiffin says a lot of crazy things, but he would never say that living in South Carolina is a one-way ticket to death by gasoline fumes. That's just not his style....

Rinku And Dinesh Will Sign Here, And Initial Here
Jeff Bernstein, the agent for Indian pitching prospects Rinku and Dinesh, reports that the controversy with the Topps representative has been cleared up. He is not a very, very bad man after all....

I Guess This Is Sort Of Boxing Related?
Try to compose yourselves as best as humanly possible: 'Fight Club Probed at Home For The Retarded' [Breitbart]...

Washington Hoops Player Uses Twitter To Get Back At Prankster
The old "get rival player's phone number and call him 25 times in the middle of the night" gag recently spiced up the Washington-Washington State rivalry—especially after the offender forgot about about caller ID....

The ACC Is Still Not Ready To Have Their Tournament Overrun By Hoops-Lovin' Lesbos
Sports By Brooks points us to this story that was featured in the Greensboro News & Record, detailing the ACC's reluctance to openly embrace its gay female fan base....

Big East Tournament (Or Other Basketball-Related Nonsense) Open Thread
DePaul is continuing their magical postseason run right now, followed by three more games at the Garden. Plus, the A-10, Big 12, Conference USA, and other tourneys are underway all afternoon. Type away. [Scoreboard]...

Alex Smith Household To Be Well Stocked With Towels
Alex Smith will be making $4 million this season in his restructured deal with the 49ers, plus all this stuff from his wedding registry (wonder if Mike Nolan got him the pannini maker). [Wedding Channel.com]...

Señor Jose Bettis' Old Fashioned Fire Juice
• It comes in smooth and chunky: Jerome Bettis now has his own premium tequila. It's the perfect shot for drunk driving school bus drivers. [PSAMP]...

So Much For LT Going Elsewhere
Rejoice, San Diegans. Ladainian Tomlinson will be around to spell Darren Sproles for the next three years. [AP]...

Butler Just Couldn't Dig Deep Enough To Pull Out A Victory
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap...

One Eye Appears To Not Be Living As Strongly As The Other
Lance Armstrong broke up the crowd at a recent press conference with his Cookie Monster impression. Oh, wait. No, he didn't. [Best Week Ever]...

Radio Jockeys Make Horrible Jockeys
Two sports talk hosts racing each other on real thoroughbred horses seemed like a brilliant radio stunt, until one of them ended up in the ICU with bleeding on the brain. Oops. [Sun-Times]...

Get Ready To See DePaul (0-18 In Conference) In Your NCAA Tournament Bracket
Not really. But technically the Blue Demons (9-23 overall) are still alive for a March Madness bid after their first-round win over Cincinnati in the Big East Tournament. [NBCSports]...

This Terrell Owens Thing Is For Real, People
• Pinch me: You're not dreaming. It's T.O.'s new Buffalo locker. Or a future exhibit at the Clubhouse Cancer wing of the Smithsonian. [Mouthpiece Sports]...

Rick Reilly Doesn’t Appreciate Your Phony Twitter Feed
Love Twitter, do you? Think it's all the rage? Well, let me tell you a story about Twitter that will SHOCK AND ALARM YOU....

A Vasectomy, Frozen Peas, The NCAA Tournament And You
Quote: "I'd give my right nut to be able to skip work and watch the first two rounds of the NCAA Tournament from my sofa." Um, be careful what you wish for....

Amaze Us With Your Obscure College Trivia
Selection Sunday is ... Sunday! That means we must begin the time-honored tradition of Deadspin's patent-pending NCAA Tournament Preview Capsules....

Tom Brady Wants To Be Your Superhero; Oh Yeaaahh
I could get behind Tom Brady appearing on an episode of Flight of the Conchords, or even Big Love (he'd fit right in). But this? Has Brady jumped the shark?...