g Page 5431 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Gus Johnson Is Still The Dancing Queen
Proving once again that Meryl Streep made an awful career decision starring in "Mamma Mia;" this belonged to Gus, obviously, from the get-go....
Satan Gives Lakers Power of Levitation, Western Conference Title
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who says, "The world is looking mighty good to me, because Tootsie Rolls are all I see. Whatever it is I think I see, becomes a Tootsie Roll to me." When he's not loving himself some candy that looks like forest animal droppings, you can find him reaping sou...
About Last Night
What you missed while fighting the black knight with a lightsaber ... • NHL: You laughed at my Jonathan Cheechoo screensaver. Well, who's laughing now?! Sharks 3, Flames 2. • NBA: Lakers beat Kings 124-101, capture top seed in West. ESPN clinking champagne glasses right now. • Golf: Tiger Woods out ...
Do Protective Cups Even Help Any More?
In Saturday's 5-4 loss to the Capitals, the Flyers' Patrick Thoresen attempted to block a shot with his body and ended up getting drilled with the puck. But, unlike the thousands of other times this occurs during a hockey season, Thoresen got hit with the puck right in the peach basket, which dente...
To Watch Tonight
What to watch while waiting for your Maple Leafs tickets ... • NHL: Eastern Conference quarterfinals, Game 3, Washington at Philadelphia (7 p.m., ET), Western Conference quarterfinals, Game 4, Minnesota at Colorado (10 p.m., ET). Get on your Segways, everyone! [Versus] • MLB: Yankees at Rays (7:10 p...
Schilling's Doctor Perfects The Art Of Crap-Talking
Apparently, even Curt Schilling's personal physicans have big mouths. In an act of either monumentally selfish publicity hounding or a Herculean display of testicular fortitude, Dr. Craig Morgan, Schilling's "personal doctor", said that Curt was so infuriated with the Red Sox handling of his bum sho...
The Glue-Handed Patroller Of The Middle Exterior
Slate's Robert Weintraub, like many of us, loves the old purple prose of early 1900s sportswriting, the Red Smiths, the Grantland Rices, the men who painted epic tales of warriors, grizzled combatants and lardywarks too manly to wear gloves. In an occasional series, Weintraub writes about the week's...
Tainted Muffins Make Jesus Cry
Terrorist attack, or old Monty Python sketch? You be the judge: Several members of Australia's Olympic team were enjoying a batch of chocolate muffins at a Brisbane function last week, when some of the treats were found to have been sabotaged with paper clips. According to the Brisbane Times, a "maj...
Surprisingly, Alcohol May Have Been Involved
If it wasn't for those screens in the outfield at Wrigley, fat drunken Cubs fans would be flopping onto the warning track like tuna on the deck of a Japanese fishing boat. "We caught another one, Lou!" I loved it when they used the gaffe hook to haul him back in....
Facial Hair Helps You Hit
• Manny's magic mustache. [Red Sox Monster] • In (more) praise of the great Stan The Man. [Baseball Legends] • The lower tier of sideline reporters can be downright depressing. [SportsWrap] • The ball will just not get in the hole. [Food Court Lunch] • The NBA MVP race, as seen by "The Wire." [The O...
Media Approval Ratings: Joe Morgan
Joe Morgan is the perfect example of a guy who has never benefited by a more analytical fan. Before fans began developing their own systems and qualifications, Joe Morgan was the type of guy who could make statements with certainty, and, because it was a lazy Sunday night, we might have let them fly...
Come For Soaking Wet Cheerleaders, Stay For The Goodwill
First of all, kudos to the guy seated at the table on the right; watching cheerleaders plunge into a swimming pool while wearing a comical top hat is pretty much why we all went to college. And, hold it ... the cheerleader in the back there; that pose looks strikingly familiar. Yes, I thought so! ...
About Last Night
What you missed while trying to remember the combination to your pants ... • College basketball: Michael Beasley, whose Kansas State team lost six of its last nine games and failed to make it past the second round of the NCAA Tournament, says it's time to "take my game to the next level," enters NBA...
To Watch Tonight
What to watch with your new friend, Mr. Happy Toilet ... • Arena Football League: Chicago at Kansas City (8:30 p.m., ET). Here's hoping for plenty of air-time for the Brigade Girls. [ESPN2] • MLB: Boston at Cleveland (7 p.m., ET). Hopefully it will be above 12 degrees. [ESPN] • NHL: Western Conferen...
Wade Boggs And His Mullet Appear On ESPN
For those of you who saw Wade Boggs on "Baseball Tonight" this weekend — the one ESPN show we never, ever miss — you are probably wondering the same thing The Sports Hernia was wondering: When's "Road House 3" coming out?...
Ron Artest's Lunacy Knows No Bounds
The life of an NBA entourage member is a hard one. Even though it may offer an otherwise unemployable sect of society the opportunity to live an exciting, fulfilling life vicariously through a pampered professional athlete, there is legitimate "work" to be done in order to maintain a prime spot in ...
Mike Tyson Can Turn Darkness Into Light
Are you depressed? Feeling scattered and out of control? Being chased by those pesky frowny-faced cartoon clouds all day? Well, perhaps you could go on medication and seek out professional help or you could just talk to Mike Tyson, who's offering to help lift the spirits of athletes in need. Or, at ...
Parsing Out The Tigers Meltdown
We don't have the heart, really, to check in with any of our Detroit Tigers friends, right now, from longtime Deadspin commenter fave Alex Balk to Ben Mathis Lilley to Defamer's Mark Graham. Not much is worse than expecting your team to dominate, and then watching as they start out two-and-freaking-...
Celine Dion Will Heal Olympic Rifts With Powerful Vocals
Celine Dion is about ready to choke a bitch if this Olympic boycott talk persists. Dion called on all people to "keep the dream possible for our young kids." She came to Beijing to express support for the Games after her concert in Shanghai on Friday....
Carmelo Anthony, Driving The Lane While Drinking
Carmelo Anthony, on the heels of one of the biggest wins for Denver of the season, continued his bad habit of doing something stupid at just the wrong times this morning: He got a DUI....