gi Page 505 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Catholics, Conservatives Call For Brian Kelly's Job; Not Because He Lost, But Because He Cursed
Here is what we presume was Brian Kelly's internal monologue during Notre Dame's loss on Saturday:...

I-Team: A "Totally Single Virgin" Investigative Status Report
Shortly after the call went out for information regarding the beer-holding woman wearing a sign prominently advertising herself as a (Red Sox) "virgin" yesterday, tipster Justin responded with this report:...

One T-Shirt Stood Out In The West Virginia Crowd
In West Virginia, the Mountaneers/Herd matchup is a big fuckin game. At last check, WVU was down to Marshall 7 to fuckin 3. (H/T Nine tipsters within eight minutes)...

Your College Football Night Games Open Thread
Nine Top 25 teams play tonight, including a pair of Top 20 matchups....

Your College Football Early Games Open Thread
It's the first big college-football Saturday of the season. Yay. No. 18 Ohio State, which lost its The in a haze of Tresselmanic scandal, plays Akron at noon (ESPN). Also at noon on the WWL, No. 23 Auburn hosts Utah State (2) and Northwestern visits Boston College (U)....

The Italian Basketball Team Will Run Circles And Circles And Circles And Circles Around Everyone At EuroBasket
This clipboard belongs to Simone Pianigiani, the head coach of the Italian national basketball team, and we're told that it almost always resembles a toddler's masterpiece (and, yes, possibly an unintentional dong as well)....

Couch Burning Is No Longer Encouraged At West Virginia
WVU students burn couches. They burn them because the basketball team won. They burn them because the football team won. They burn them because the football team lost. They burn them because Bin Laden was killed. They burn them because it snowed. WVU students burn couches. It's what they do....

Dwight Howard Went To The Mall In Japan And Dunked On A 12-Foot Giraffe
That's pretty much all that happens here. Well, that and the basket is about 11 feet off the ground....

Watch Reggie Miller Watch Ryan Braun Trip And Fail To Complete An Inside-The-Park Home Run
This video comes to you courtesy of the folks over at AwfulAnnouncing.com, who point out that retired hoopster Reggie Miller and active Brewer Ryan Braun are neighbors in California. Tonight, the former got to watch the latter complete seven-eighths of an inside-the-park home run before falling fl...

SF Giants Payroll Manager Caught Embezzling After She Gave Herself A $300k World Series Bonus Despite Her $80k Salary
File this one under stupid (alleged) criminals who are also world champions: The KGO-TV I-Team has more....

The NFL Network Cannot Locate New York City On A Map
This is from tonight's NFL Total Access, and we borrowed reader Schnu's comment for the headline, since it seemed particularly appropriate....

West Virginia Man Who Went Streaking Near NASCAR Race Also Caught With Live Raccoon
Joshua Emery Greene looks bemused in the mugshot featured in the above video. We find this an appropriate emotion, because we're bemused too. Why did he go streaking in a parking lot off Route 394 in Bristol, Tennessee, where the Irwin Tools Night Race took place on Saturday? And why was he carryi...

Javaris Crittenton Allegedly Killed That Lady Because Someone Stole $55k Of Jewelry From Him
From the AP: "[Crittenton] appeared to be retaliating for being robbed of $55,000 worth of jewelry, police said. [...] Crittenton told police he and a friend were leaving a barbershop around 10:50 p.m. April 21 when two teenagers surprised them as they returned to their car, according to a police re...

Gilbert Arenas Deletes Account After Twitter Fight, Depriving World Of Free Sneakers And Sexism
We'll say this about Gilbert Arenas's Twitter account, which was taken down some time today: it wasn't boring, like LeBron James's worthless feed, and it wasn't used for incessant self-promotion, like, well, every pro athlete ever. It was just sort of obsessed with sneakers and almost criminally off...

Tiki Barber Finally Proposes To Young Blonde Blamed For Destroying His First Marriage
Since Tiki's attempts at joining an NFL team this season appear to have stalled, he's got more time to focus on other things in his life like finalizing his divorce from his wife Ginny and making an honest gal out of 24-year-old Traci Johnson, the former NBC intern who stole his heart two years ago....

Javaris Crittenton Will Turn Himself In Tonight
Put down your pitchforks, Atlantans. Javaris Crittenton, the former Georgia Tech/Lakers/Grizzlies/Wizards guard, will surrender to Atlanta police, after a brief disappearance and manhunt that landed him federal charges of unlawful flight to avoid prosecution. He's wanted in connection with an August...

HOLY SHIT GIANT RAT IMPALED ON PITCHFORK
Let's stop worrying about earthquakes and hurricanes (and, for the east coast, natural disaster inferiority) and devote some time to the problem of the giant, possibly mutant rats living underneath our buildings....

Gilbert Arenas's Ex Can Appear On "Basketball Wives" In Part Because Obama And Dick Cheney Are Related
Gilbert Arenas did not want his former fiancé Laura Govan to appear on VH1's "Basketball Wives" or mention his name on it. So, he sued....

Sportswriting's Gonna Be OK, Everybody: Bleacher Report Just Secured $22 Million In Venture Capital
Per Darren Rovell, the funding came from Oak Investment Partners. At Bleacher Report, money DOES grow on trees!...

Ohio Man Rams A Store With A Semi Truck So He Can Steal An $800 Synthetic Vagina (UPDATE)
Ah, Ohio. Home of the drunken werewolf and the teacher who sprayed cops with her breast milk. Now the Smash and Grab Sex Toy Thief of Lorain County joins them....