go Page 353 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The USMNT's World Cup Qualifier Might Be A Little Underwater
The U.S. Men’s National Team can all but clinch a place in the 2018 World Cup with any sort of result at Trinidad and Tobago on Tuesday evening. Except: It’s now looking kind of questionable whether the match will be able to be played. The pitch at Ato Boldon Stadium in Couva is sodden and in places...
Egypt Qualify For The World Cup And No One Is Happier Than This Sweet Old Dad
Mohamed Salah was Egypt’s hero yesterday, scoring twice in a 2-1 win over Congo that officially stamped the Egyptians’ tickets to next summer’s World Cup. This is just the third time Egypt have ever qualified for the World Cup, and will be their first one since 1990. Hence why this cute old man melt...
The Chargers Gave The Giants Two Points
Safeties are one of the most exciting plays in football. That might sound weird, since they’re only worth two points, don’t decide games very often, if ever, but they’re fun! Also, the safety is the only play in football where players celebrate by impersonating the referee....
Don't Do It! Don't Do It!
Oh, you doubt Rashaad Penny’s Heisman bona fides?...
Dogs Are Wonderful, Adorable Messes
Who’s a good dog? Yours is! It can be a bit of a mess, though....
The Nats Wasted A Brilliant Night From Stephen Strasburg, Because Of Course They Did
There is nothing more frustrating on earth than watching a lineup featuring Trea Turner, Bryce Harper, Anthony Rendon, Daniel Murphy, and Ryan Zimmerman get completely blanked by a guy who throws an 87 mph fastball. Unless you are a Cubs fan, in which case, screw you right in the ear....
The Tennis Will Be Good As Hell This Weekend, If You're Awake For It
Frankly this chunk of the tennis calendar, known as the “Asian swing” because it passes through China and Japan, is the easiest to tune out, especially for a viewer in a U.S. time zone. The year’s last major just wrapped up, the year-end finals are still months away, and the time difference makes it...
<i>Blade Runner 2049</i> Is A Hallucinatory Wonder<em></em>
The only bright colors in Blade Runner 2049 are artificial. There’s a holographic advertisement of a 60-foot-tall naked lady, whose shiny-black eyes only serve to highlight her bubblegum pink body and neon blue hair. There’s a forest, but it’s someone’s dream....
There Might Finally Be Some Transparency In Tennis Match-Fixing Investigations<em></em>
The Tennis Integrity Unit, the sport’s governing body for investigating corruption, typically describes its work in anonymizing generality, which can be frustrating for anyone who wants to know the gory details beyond “Which tournament was it?” In August, the TIU did however make an unusual move: It...
The Blackhawks Obliterated The Penguins
The Penguins might have to call up a third goalie, because I bet both Antti Niemi and Matt Murray suffered severe burns on the backs of their necks from that red light going on so many damn times....
Bryan Bickell Retires With Blackhawks On One-Day Contract After Multiple Sclerosis Diagnosis
Nearly a year after he first announced that he’d been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, Bryan Bickell signed a one-day contract this week to retire as a Chicago Blackhawk. After hosting a retirement press conference yesterday, he got one last chance to head out on the ice tonight, in a special pre-...
Harry Kane's Stoppage-Time Goal Sends England To The World Cup
Of course it had to be Harry Kane, England’s captain on the night, the so-called “one-year wonder” who has been defying skeptics with an unending deluge of goals for about three years now, his home nation’s one true world-class player, who came to England’s rescue tonight. After a fairly drab displa...
The Short Life And Neverending Afterlife Of Rush Limbaugh's Disastrous ESPN Stint<em></em>
There is a physical thing that happens to a certain type of Famous Terrible American, and once this thing begins happening it does not stop. It does not happen to every Famous Terrible American, and the process does not begin at the same moment in their respective Famous, Terrible American lives; on...
Joe Lacob, Big Dummy, Reportedly Wanted To Lowball Steph Curry
Trophy-humping Warriors owner Joe Lacob has previously tried to take credit for his team’s success in hilariously tone-deaf ways. There was the time he bragged to The New York Times Magazine about how the Warriors’ 73-win season was as much the result of his venture capitalist approach to basketball...
The Bulls Suck!
Yes, I know, it’s only the preseason, and the NBA has to shut up for at least another 10 days, if not all the days between now and Christmas. But schadenfreude never sleeps! And holy shit, man, the Chicago Bulls are gonna suck so amazingly hard this season....
Here Are The Most Interesting Guys Of The NL Playoffs
You may have checked out of baseball once your team’s season turned into a trash heap, but that’s okay! You’ve come back just in time for the best month of the year, as all the highest-stakes games with top-quality talent begin. Here’s a guide to the NL players you need to pay attention to as the po...
Look At This Fucking Disaster<em></em>
I know you are long since numb to it, and I know every day is worse than the last, but I’d like you to remember just how fucking embarrassing yesterday, October 3, 2017, was for humanity. Behold our gnome-handed buffoon of a president, wearing his finest emergency golf windbreaker, jump-shooting pap...
College Football Player Suspended For Eye-Gouging
A Northern Illinois football player has been suspended one game for gouging the eyes of an opposing team’s player over the weekend....
The Return Of The Triple Back Somersault In Men's Gymnastics
MONTREAL, Canada—Here is something amazing: I saw a triple back somersault on floor exercise....
The Cubs Were Never More Themselves Than In 1979
The following is excerpted from The Chicago Cubs: Story of a Curse, by Rich Cohen....