go Page 390 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Rick Perry's Glasses Qualify Him For Important Science Post, Building Nukes<em></em><em></em>
Rick Perry, a swaggering idiot who found a pair of glasses on the street one day, is about to become the head of the Department of Energy, according to CBS News. The Department of Energy’s job right now is to develop the next generation of nuclear weapons. What this means practically speaking, of co...
Shea McClellin Pulled Off A Perfect Leap Over The Ravens' Offensive Line
Malcolm Butler made a perfect deflection on third down to put the Ravens’ best player (kicker Justin Tucker) on the field for a 34-yard field goal attempt. Tucker missed his first field goal attempt of the year on the attempt, but it was through no fault of his own. Patriots linebacker Shea McClelli...
Ian Poulter Is A Sensitive Penis
As a pro athlete, menacing a cameraman with finger wags is, at best, a corny and dickish thing to do, and at worst, a good way to produce a permanent testament to your corny dickishness. (There’s a camera, dummy.) Just watch Ian Poulter stare right into the lens after quadruple bogeying a hole at th...
Chargers RB Melvin Gordon Carted Off With Hip Injury After Trying To Recover Fumble
San Diego Chargers running back Melvin Gordon was carted off the field after getting injured at the bottom of a pile in the first quarter today against the Carolina Panthers....
The Cavs And Warriors Flexed On The NBA Last Night
Part of the fun of paying close attention to the early part of the NBA season is picking out the trends and performances you didn’t quite see coming. This part of the year is all about asking questions like, Whoa, Kristaps is a star now and the Knicks might be pretty good? and Wait, can the Clippers...
Actual Body Expert Says Draymond Green's Excuses For Balls-Kicking Don't Hold Up
Draymond Green, whose feet regularly find the sensitive fleshy bits between his opponents’ legs, has taken a pretty self-righteous tack in his response to critics: Green says the people who make the rules for the NBA just don’t get how human bodies work....
Liberals Cheering On The Electoral College Dope Who Won't Vote For Donald Trump Is Really Frightening
Last night, the New York Times published an editorial written by Christopher Surpun, a “Republican presidential elector” from Texas who says that he will not cast his electoral college vote for Donald Trump, despite Trump winning the state by nine points. Surpun doesn’t say who he will vote for, but...
I Fucking Live For Haunting Covers Of Literally Any Song In Movie Trailers
You want to see the shit I fucking live for? It’s right here:...
This Is How The Warriors Will Destroy The World
In three seconds: two passes thrown, roughly 72 feet of hardwood spanned, zero dribbles taken, and suddenly Kevin Durant has yammed it hard. This season we’ve been blessed by frequent instances of Russ and Giannis singlehandedly wrecking shit on the run, but this, um, heartwarming display of teamwor...
The Nationals Are All-In On Chris Sale
From multiple media reports, the Nationals appear to be the team most likely to land White Sox ace Chris Sale in a trade this offseason—possibly as soon as this week’s Winter Meetings. The only thing that might scuttle the deal? If the Nats get Andrew McCutchen instead....
Klay Thompson's 60-Point Night Was All Too Easy
What was most striking about Klay Thompson’s 60-point beatdown of the Indiana Pacers tonight was how easy it all was. The Warriors already had one of the best offenses in NBA history last season and they replaced their worst starter with a former MVP during the offseason, so the amount of available ...
Klay Thompson Just Dropped 40 Points In A Half
The Warriors are on pace to finish the season with the best offensive efficiency in NBA history, thanks primarily to the pyrotechnical shooting prowess of Steph Curry and Kevin Durant. Klay Thompson started the season out slowly, but tonight he broke all the way out and scored 40 points in the first...
That's Not Meyers Leonard's Name, Bulls PA Guy
The Portland Hale Blazers are playing their only game of the year in Chicago tonight, so the odd mistake of nomenclature is forgivable. Meyers Leonard was misidentified as “Miles” (perhaps it was “Myles?”) tonight and he loudly offered a correction....
Here's A Guy Scoring On A 65-Yard Volley
Universidad de Concepción beat O’Higgins 3-1 today in Chile’s Primera division, with the final goal being this stoppage-time screamer by Alejandro Camargo—a 65-yard volley that left O’Higgins keeper Miguel Pinto looking awfully foolish....
49ers Get Flagged For Celebrating Touchdown That Didn't Happen
Just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse for the San Francisco 49ers and Chicago Bears, they had to play each other today....
Draymond Green Kicks Another Opponent
Saturday afternoon, Warriors forward Draymond Green went off on the NBA for its stance that kicking other players can be an unnatural act:...
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Oregon To Investigate Athletic Department For Response To Reports Of Violence By Football Player Pharaoh Brown
The University of Oregon’s president has called for an investigation of “free-speech policy violations” by the school’s athletic department—two weeks after department officials threatened to pull credentials from the student newspaper for an article on reported acts of violence by a football player....
Heung-Min Son Fires Spectacular Volley To Give Spurs 2-0 Lead<em></em>
Spurs are up 2-0 at the half against Swansea thanks to Heung-Min Son’s magic in stoppage time. We told you!...
Broken Tiger Woods Now Reassembled For Golf Functionality
Not long ago, noted golf lecher Tiger Woods looked to be limping out of the game, his luminous career snuffed out by the back injuries that required surgery in March. “My health is good, and I feel strong, but my game is vulnerable and not where it needs to be,” he said as recently as October, while...