go Page 439 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Here's The Eden Hazard Golazo That Won Leicester The Premier League Title
Eden Hazard was the best player on the Premier League title-winning team last season, and he just scored a goal that clinched the Premier League title ... for Leicester City....
Chris Sale Will Clown You
White Sox ace Chris Sale has gotten off to a great start this season, having allowed just nine runs in his first 43.1 innings. His strikeout rate has been a bit lower than usual—just 7.9 per nine innings compared to last year’s absurd 11.8 per nine—but he’s still my favorite punch-out artist in the ...
This Is The Best Jaguars Fan
The Jaguars’ draft class needs no further analysis. A woman interviewed by a local news station has said all that needs to be said....
Draymond Green Is His Own Kind Of Marvel
The Warriors’ unassailable version of basketball starts with Steph Curry making origami out of the game’s standard conventions, but there’s also Draymond Green, doing stuff like this:...
The Streaky-Ass Miami Heat Just Barely Won A Series They Dominated
The Heat are likely going to be favored over whoever squeezes out the Indiana-Toronto series that wraps tonight the time you’re finishing your Game of Thrones-Silicon Valley doubleheader. Even if it’s Toronto (which hasn’t won a playoff series since 2001) and we get the No. 2 v. No. 3 seed matchup, ...
Dimitrov Meltdown Hands Opponent First ATP Tour Win
Diego Schwartzman took his first career ATP Tour title today in claiming the Istanbul Open after his opponent Grigor Dimitrov came to pieces over malfunctioning equipment—eventually destroying it, and handing championship point over as a penalty....
Warren G Performs Incredibly Bad Rendition Of "Take Me Out To The Ballgame"
Rapper Warren G earned a round of boos at Wrigley Field after a performance of “Take Me Out To The Ballgame” that started with the wrong words of the song’s titular first line and got worse from there....
Who Hugged Roger Goodell Longest At Last Night's NFL Draft?
Last night’s first round of the NFL draft featured many large men embracing an extremely rich one. As we do every year, we’ve measured each draftee’s hug time and measured it against his fellow rookies. The winner? New Falcons defensive back Keanu Neal, who got intimate with Roger Goodell for more t...
This Oral History Of The Doug Mirabelli Trade Is Delightful
Let’s go back to 2006, a simpler time when Trot Nixon and Matt Clement roamed the earth. That winter, the Red Sox had traded away Doug Mirabelli, not known for his offensive prowess so much as he was for being Tim Wakefield’s personal catcher. Not just everyone can successfully catch a knuckleball, ...
Buster Olney Thinks Players Union Should Ignore Players, Listen To Buster Olney
By now you know that Marlins second baseman and reigning NL batting champ Dee Gordon has been suspended 80 games for testing positive for PEDs. This will cost him roughly half his 2016 salary, or around $1.65 million; it will not cost him the other half of his 2016 salary, or the remainder of the fi...
Roger Goodell On Laremy Tunsil Shitshow: "All Part Of What Makes The Draft So Exciting"
The only real story of the NFL draft was Laremy Tunsil’s fall, after someone hacked his Twitter account to post a video of him apparently smoking pot via a gas-mask bong. It was bizarre and unprecedented and confusing as all hell, but to the NFL Commissioner, it’s just part of the show....
Dee Gordon Banned 80 Games For PEDs
One of baseball’s most exciting players will miss half the season as Marlins infielder Dee Gordon has tested positive for PEDs, according to Major League Baseball....
Caps Beat Pens On Oshie Overtime Hat Trick-Capper That Holds Up Under Review
Washington took the first game of its series against Pittsburgh tonight on an overtime wrap-around goal by T.J. Oshie that capped a hat trick but needed video review in order to be verified....
Man, Jared Goff Loves Brands
Jared Goff got picked first overall by the Los Angeles Rams, where he’ll have the exalted privilege of going 8-8 and handing it off to Todd Gurley a bunch. And he’ll be compensated handsomely for his services, now that he’s not a “student athlete” playing for the diarrheal California Golden Bears. A...
Soccer Fans Toss Big-Ass Firecracker At Player, Who Hurls Corner Flag At Them In Return
IFK Göteborg were set to host Malmö for a regularly scheduled, 90-minute Swedish league match yesterday. But towards the end of the game, some fans threw a huge firecracker at Malmö’s Tobias Sana, and Sana returned the favor by firing one of the corner flags javelin-like in the fans’ direction, and ...
Caption Contest: What Is Roger Goodell Saying To This Child?
Roger Goodell and the NFL PR apparatus stopped by Ariel Community Academy in Chicago today, launching something called the Character Playbook, a Chrome browser extension that tells you how to hide the symptoms of a traumatic brain injury, probably. Who knows....
Roger Goodell Magically Goes Deaf At Mention Of Concussions
Roger Goodell appeared on CBS This Morning today as part of his victory parade to celebrate the league’s courtroom victory over Tom Brady and the Patriots. And while the commish was able to easily answer the softball questions lobbed his way by the show’s hosts, he mysteriously was unable to hear th...
The Rockets Are Dead, Fucking Finally
The Houston Rockets are so obviously talented. They have a genuine superstar scorer, and they’ve surrounded him with a point guard who just wants to pass the ball and injure dudes, a rangy, athletic crop of combo forwards, and one of the most dominant defensive centers of the past decade. Last year,...