go Page 696 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Bartolo Colon "Found," Still Mourning Michael Jackson
There's no visual evidence of Bartolo Colon's whereabouts—NASA is working on it—but the White Sox say he will pitch tonight. His "disappearance" was really just an aversion to phones and an inability to cope with MJ's passing....
Brave Colin Montgomerie Takes Shots at Pirates
A bunch of goofballs dressed as pirates dared golfers at the Scottish Open to hit their water-borne target—so Colin Montgomerie took them out his wedge and nailed it. (From about 60 yards away.) Lousy pirates.... [Daily Mail/Sports Rubbish]...
Have You Seen This Fat Guy?
The White Sox seemed to have lost something. It's about six feet high, 250 pounds (roughly), and occasionally has trouble locating its curveball. Oh, and it's scheduled to start tonighttomorrow so if you've seen a Bartolo Colon anywhere, please call....
Young Cubs Fan Mocks Ryan Dempster's Pain
This young fan in blue has thoroughly enjoyed Ryan Dempster's comical fall over a dugout railing, not realizing that the pitcher has just fractured his big toe and will spend a month on the DL. Go Cubbies!...
Cole Hamels Is Very Secure In His Masculinity, Thank You
One fan was mortified to find out the Phillies pitcher's mode of pet transport: the dreaded tiny dog backpack. [Yellaphant]...
Someone Else Actually Wants To Buy The Cubs?
Hold the phone, North Siders. Wrigley Field and its tenants have supposedly been sold for $900 million, but a new suitor has stepped in to Cubsblock the Ricketts. Will the team slip through their fingers like a groundball to short?...
Bringing SexyBack To Golf
Justin Timberlake — former frontman for *NSYNC, international pop superstar, 6-handicap on the links — is shopping his first book. It's about golf, and it's reportedly a memoir about the 28-year-old's memorable rounds. Well, no one's done that before. [NYO]...
Yankees Will Deign To Respect Our Civil Liberties
Bradford Campeau-Laurion — the guy who was drummed out of Yankee Stadium for trying to tinkle during the Yankees' seventh-inning tribute to compelled patriotism, the playing of "God Bless America" — has settled his lawsuit against the team and city....
Greg Oden's Romantic Hawaiian Vacation Keeps Getting Interrupted By Bill From Accounting
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap...
Let's Get This Over With Early: Joakim Noah Smokes Weed, Anonymous, Possibly Fake Text Messager Says
"smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands" [Texts From Last Night] (PHOTO: Not From Last Night)...
Tomorrow Is The First Day To Watch Young People In Red Scarves Get Gored
Yes, right about now, 95% of the inhabitants of tiny Pamplona, Spain are getting good and sloshed to prepare for the annual San Fermin "religious" festival where large creatures are loosed upon Hemingway-inspired college kids through a wooden maze. Par-tay....
Worth Almost $900 Million Now, Imagine If The Cubs Won A World Series
"The Ricketts family has reached a deal to buy the storied Chicago Cubs baseball team from bankrupt media company Tribune Co." Ambiguous adjectives are about as delightful as Sam Zell no longer owning a baseball team. [Reuters]...
Breaking: Joe Morgan Tells The Truth!
America's baseball uncle was tellin' tales again last night — something about a long slump and a home run he hit off Nolan Ryan — and for once, his story is supported by those ever-pesky computer numbers. [MLB Insights]...
Tiger Woods: Winner Of Own AT & T National Tournament, Budding Comedian
Another great day for Gillette spokespeople: Tiger Woods wins the 2009 AT &T National, Federer won Wimbledon, and Jeter hit a walkoff. Since it's Tiger's tournament, he's the only one who got to interview himself. .[Waggle Room]...
Athletes Who Exercise Their Freedom By Hating On America
Hot dogs, apple pie, fireworks and anti-patriotism— it's the perfect excuse for a July 4 gallery. Now go celebrate America!...
Chicago Blackhawks To Lose The Next 12 Stanley Cup Finals
Marian Hossa (who is 30) just signed a 12-year contract with the Chicago Blackhawks, after allegedly turning down a 10-year deal from the Red Wings. This guy really knows how not to pick 'em. [NHL.com]...
The Jay Mariotti Online Express Could Be Headed Back To Chicago
The Rumor: Jay Mariotti's death wish/dream to return to the Chicagoland newspaper universe is almost complete — he's finally heading to the Chicago Tribune. It's just unfortunate that neither he nor anyone at the paper will talk about it....
For Tony Romo, Fans Fumble Golf Etiquette
Tiger Woods teed off today with Tony Romo in his pro-am at Congressional Country Club. In Washington D.C. Spectators don't really like Tony Romo there, so they boo him. But Jessica Simpson — she's OK anywhere. [D.C. Sports Bog]...
Stephen Curry Had Don Nelson's Attention When These Haircuts Were En Vogue
Good news: Stephen Curry's journey from high school nobody to NBA lottery pick is no longer just a feel-good rise to superstardom. With this latest point to plot, Curry's case is now a parabola of fame and fortune!...