ham Page 196 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Liverpool Lose By Enough To Win Their Way Into The Champions League Final
Continuing this year’s Champions League tradition of first-leg beatdowns followed by second-leg borderline meltdowns, Liverpool lost to Roma today by a score of 4-2 but still won the tie. They will now meet Real Madrid in the final in Kiev on May 26th....
Blame Bayern Munich, And All The Rest Of Them
If, after watching Bayern Munich’s appalling display of simultaneous superiority and ineptitude that granted the evil white empire of Real Madrid entry to the Champions League final, you found it a little difficult to maintain the furious, righteous anger in your belly once you saw the agonizing, te...
Historically Horrendous Boner By Bayern Munich's Keeper Gifts Real Madrid A Goal
If ever there were any doubt that Real Madrid are the luckiest team in the history of the world, this staggering gaffe by Bayern Munich’s Sven Ulreich that set up Karim Benzema for the easiest goal he’ll ever score in his life should remove all doubt:...
Pirates Pitcher Nick Kingham Had A Hell Of A Debut
Eight years after being drafted by the Pittsburgh Pirates, Nick Kingham delivered one of the best major-league debuts of all time. He took a perfect game into the seventh inning against the Cardinals, before Paul DeJong knocked a single down the third-base line with two outs. Kingham retired 20 stra...
WWE Is In A Fight To Control The Future Of British Wrestling
On Wednesday, various British news outlets reported that ITV has commissioned a 10-episode reboot of World of Sport Wrestling, which aired for decades on the network before a 1988 cancellation. This is a big deal. As popular as pro wrestling is in the United Kingdom, WWE doesn’t actually have a huge...
Soulless Avatars Of Late Capitalism Set Up Nicely To Acquire Another European Cup
European Soccer Market (ESM) analysts the world over are still abuzz about the big step Real Madrid (ESM:RMD) took on their path to consolidating their ownership of the European Cup for the third consecutive year....
Mohamed Salah Ate Roma Alive
Midway through the process of finding the precise Hannibal reference to throw into a headline about how thoroughly Mohamed Salah had obliterated the Roman forces sent to Liverpool in today’s fantastic Champions League semifinal, Roma stormed back from what was a 5-0 deficit to seal for themselves a ...
Liverpool Fans Get Rowdy, Hop On Police Vans
After the madness of the post-apocalyptic scenes from Liverpool’s Champions League quarterfinal home leg against Manchester City, it’s hard to act surprised when a European night at Anfield results in some dangerously intense fan behavior. Liverpool’s festivities ahead of their semifinal against Rom...
The Ballon d'Or Is Stupid, But Mohamed Salah Deserves To Win It Anyway
If there’s any justice in the world, Mohamed Salah will be rewarded for his jaw-dropping, record-making, goal-packed, unforgettably great season with the highest individual award in the land, the Ballon d’Or....
The Ridiculous Saga Of Lance Armstrong, The Cheater Who Became An Enemy Of The State<em></em>
It was more than five years ago when Lance Armstrong went on Oprah, looked her in the eye, and admitted to the world that his iconic comeback story was fueled by the most comprehensive doping regimen in cycling history. The seven-time Tour de France winner and cancer survivor had spent his career br...
MMA Announcer Fucks Up Fight Decision Not Once, But Twice In The Span Of 15 Seconds<em></em>
David Booker won a decision against Elijah Terrell last night at regional MMA event Alaska Fighting Championship 139, which was good news for him. The bad news was that he only learned that he’d won after riding a true emotional roller coaster. The announcer at last night’s fights pulled a rare doub...
Idiot On The Pitch Tries To Tackle Ref, Fails
Oldham Athletic was playing a match against Rochdale AFC Tuesday when the referee signaled a penalty for Rochdale after a trip in the box. One Oldham fan did what any sensible person would in that situation: He ran onto the pitch and tried to tackle the referee....
Katharine Graham Was Not To Be Fucked With<em></em>
This was first published as “Pillar of the Post” in the May 20, 1976 issue of The National Observer. It appears here with the author’s permission....
Elgin Baylor Is Finally Ready To Tell People He Was Great
Elgin Baylor’s gotta be the most underappreciated superstar of all time, in basketball or any major sport. The guy was NCAA Final Four MVP and NBA Rookie of the Year. He was First-Team All-NBA 10 times and an NBA All-Star 11 times. Baylor led his team, the Minneapolis/Los Angeles Lakers, in the trif...
Report: New Hampshire Youth Baseball Coaches Planned To Bean Their League's Lone Girl Player Into Quitting
In another hideous example of adults and men being absolute shit, the father of a New Hampshire youth baseball player says two coaches in his daughter’s league conspired to have her beaned so that she would quit the league, according to a Foster’s Daily Democrat report:...
Shocking Video Reveals That Ronaldo And Messi Have Different Personalities
Cristiano Ronaldo vs. Lionel Messi. It’s an argument as old as time itself, with diehard fans of these two all-time greats throwing out stats and facts in support of their preferred candidate to make their case for superiority—Messianiacs pointing to his better scoring record, his better passing, hi...
Here Are The Champions League Semifinal Matchups
After a thrilling Champions League quarterfinal round that saw the threat of multiple enormous comebacks and one completed one, we now know who will play whom in the semifinal round for the right to compete for the European Cup in Kiev. The draw looks incredibly enticing....
Should The Giants Trade Odell Beckham?<em></em>
Odell Beckham is the only reason you should ever watch a New York Giants game, but he also happens to be in the final year of his contract and coming off a busted ankle. He wants to get paid, but it’s hard to see the Giants ponying up when MISTER MARA is out there with a clenched jaw, openly fuming ...
Juventus Almost Pull Off Amazing Comeback Before Real Madrid Rip Out Their Hearts
Everything was going perfectly for Juventus. After losing the first leg of their Champions League tie against Real Madrid at home last week, today they went to Madrid and flipped the script, somehow scoring three unanswered goals an hour into the match. Just seconds away from dragging the match into...
Kim Jong-il Liked<i> Bend It Like Beckham </i>And So Should You
With apologies to anyone who was hoping my earlier two reviews were the result of being an all-around miserable person who is incapable of enjoyment: I really liked Bend It Like Beckham!...