hi Page 1054 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
What Horrible Things Did We Do To Our Penises Last Year?
Ah, the penis. That most comical and vulnerable of body parts. It was a bad year for all of us, but for the approximately 1.2 billionth year in a row since the emergence of sexual differentiation, it was a particularly rough year for groins. This selection of real, horrible injuries proves that Murp...
Quadree Henderson Returns Military Bowl Opening Kickoff 100 Yards For Touchdown
Pitt got started early in today’s Military Bowl in Annapolis—as early as possible, in fact, as freshman Quadree Henderson ran the opening kickoff back 100 yards for a touchdown in Navy’s own stadium....
Mesut Özil Caps Genius Arsenal Team Move With A Goal
Every season, Arsenal are good for two or three of these kind of flowing, intricate, one-touch passing moves that end with the ball in the back of the net and a huge grin on your face. This time, it was Olivier Giroud providing the sick flick-on and Mesut Özil, who is absolutely unstoppable right no...
Brilliant Shithead Gerard Deulofeu Yellow Carded For Obvious Dive [Update]
Yellows for diving are generally reserved for players with reputations. A flop from your typical brave Brit is a lot less likely to receive a booking than the same one from a player refs know as a consistent victim of sniper fire....
Latest Miko Grimes Twitter Rant Torches Ryan Tannehill
Miko Grimes, the wife of Miami CB Brent Grimes, has never been shy about sharing her feelings on the Dolphins, more specifically that everyone who’s not her husband is trash. But after the Dolphins sputtered to a 18-12 loss to Indianapolis, Miko sprayed some exceptionally caustic vitriol toward QB R...
Bill Belichick Had A Plan, It Just Backfired Completely
By now we know that the Patriots’ decision to kick off to start overtime wasn’t a mistake—or at least, not the one it appeared to be at the time. New England never touched the ball in their 26-20 OT loss to the Jets, and while the outcome wasn’t by design, the strategy was. Whether or not it was a w...
John Wall Is Pretty Grumpy About Kyrie Irving Leading Him In All-Star Votes
All-star fan voting almost never results in an accurate representation of the most worthy players. Kobe Bryant is leading all NBA players in voting this season despite shooting 34% and NHLer John Scott had the most votes of all hockey players before he was released by the Coyotes. Kyrie Irving is sl...
Jarvis Landry Submits Entry For Catch Of The Year
Pretty much nobody is watching this Colts-Dolphins game, which is a shame because Jarvis Landry just injected it with pure, uncut awesomeness. Here’s one of the best plays of this NFL season, as it happened in the fourth quarter today....
Julio Jones Puts Falcons Up On Carolina With One Of This Season's Best Catches
Did you forget about Julio Jones? Of course you haven’t, but the Falcons receiver made sure to remind anyone who had with this incredible 70-yard touchdown catch that put Atlanta up on the undefeated Panthers late in the third quarter....
Cam Newton Turned This Into A First Down, Somehow
Have something you think we should know? Email us at [email protected], or contact our writers directly, or use our SecureDrop system. You can also follow us on Twitter and like us on Facebook....
Jason Peters Pulled Himself Out Of Eagles Loss To Avoid Risk Of Injury
The Philadelphia Eagles needed to beat Washington at home last night to stay in playoff contention. They did not, despite Kirk Cousins briefly forgetting how to play football, and they’re now certain to finish the season below .500 for the first time in Chip Kelly’s tenure. Obviously, the Eagles wer...
Kirk Cousins's Enormous Boner Wastes Scoring Opportunity
Kirk Cousins responded to a week of positive coverage, for once, by committing a huge blunder. His boner cost Washington a chance to get points; by inexplicably taking a knee with six seconds remaining, time ran out on the half—denying the Skins a shot at a quick touchdown and even the subsequent fi...
Tom Cleverley's Long Header Beats Newcastle On Final Touch Of The Match
Everton downed Newcastle today 1-0 thanks to a 93rd-minute long-range header by Tom Cleverley that proved to be the final touch of the match....
Will Jared Leto's Joker Be Too Raw And Subversive For Modern Society To Handle?
Wow, we knew from previous reports (“Leto ... sent Margot Robbie [Harley Quinn] a dead rat”) that Jared Leto’s portrayal of the Joker in the upcoming Suicide Squad movie would be unbelievably edgy and raw, but Twitter users @boring_as_heck and @swarthyvillain got ahead of the film’s promotional cycl...
Happy Birthday, Rickey Henderson!
Today is a day to celebrate, among other things, the birthday of Rickey Henderson, a man who embodies baseball at its best so completely that it’s hard to do him any justice. Here’s to you, Rickey....
What Did We Get Stuck In Our Rectums Last Year?
It’s Christmas Day, and you know what that means: time to plumb the depths of the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission’s database of emergency room visits. We’re looking for the weirdest, least explicable, and most awkward objects that America has shoved inside its various holes. God bless us, ev...
Adam Wainwright Doesn't Think Jason Heyward Wanted To Be "The One"
The Cardinals are, for some reason, still saying things about Jason Heyward, who signed with the Chicago Cubs this offseason after playing just one season in St. Louis. Manager Mike Matheny got snippy when Heyward told reporters that one of the reasons he left St. Louis is that the Cubs have a young...
The Spurs' Ball Movement Is Gorgeous
It is 2015 and the San Antonio Spurs, by the grace of God, look like a more polished version of the 2007 San Antonio Spurs. Sure, their 24-5 record is mostly the product of a defense that is 5.6 points per 100 possessions better than the next-best defense, but their offense is still humming along be...
Great Moments In NBA Color Commentary
Color commentator Glenn Consor came up from the rear of Comcast SportsNet’s class today to fill Phil Chenier’s seat, and might have made an ass out of himself during tonight’s Wizards broadcast. Washington came back from behind to beat the Grizzlies tonight; we’re happy to make Consor the butt of yo...
A Museum Dedicated To Stephon Marbury Is Opening In China
When sports stars play out their final few years in an upstart, foreign league, they’re almost always doing so for the paycheck. That’s what makes it so fun to watch the few of them who take the opportunity seriously, thrive, and develop a bond with their new country....