hi Page 1145 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
HitchBOT Was A Literal Pile Of Trash And Got What It Deserved
First things first. “HitchBOT,” for all practical purposes, was a garbage can with an iPhone in it. It could not walk or stand or fire lasers or open a can of beans. By what standard was this piece of useless shit a “robot” in the first place? The answer: a shabby standard. A Canadian one....
Master Of NBA Mimicry Unveils Perfect Kobe Bryant Impression
@BdotAdot5, the man who graced us with that balls-out homage to Russell Westbrook, has been hard at work pumping out more impressions of NBA players. His work as James Harden and Tim Duncan are highly recommended, but his latest entry may be his best:...
Man In Randall Cunningham Jersey Beats Shit Out Of Hitchhiking Robot
Prayers up for hitchBOT, the hitchhiking robot that aspired to see the entire country via the kindness of strangers and made it as far as Philadelphia before getting curbstomped. Thanks to surveillance footage, we know how hitchBOT ended up as a pile of limbs: a brief clip shows a man in what appear...
The Best And Worst Of Dr. Seuss
I read a lot of children’s books. Some are terrible, many are decent, and a few are truly wonderful. Most authors don’t have the staying power to slot multiple entries in all three categories while achieving worldwide fame and fortune; in fact, Dr. Seuss is the only one that comes to mind....
Ryback's Staph Infection Is Very Gross
WWE wrestler Ryback got a staph infection in his right knee, and yesterday he shared a photograph of what he’s been dealing with. This doesn’t come with the gore factor that makes most gross injury pictures so horrifying, but it’s still not easy to look at, so proceed with caution:...
Let <i>True Detective</i>'s Total Absurdity Wash All Over You
Apologies if these thoughts on last night’s penultimate episode of True Detective come off as disjointed and confusing, though that would be a fitting homage to this entire season, but man, this show is a marvelous disaster. That lousy first episode was a sign of things to come....
José Mourinho Has No Use For This Loser's Medal, Or For Arsène Wenger
Arsenal beat Chelsea 1-0 today to win their second straight Community Shield, and it appears Chelsea manager José Mourinho has about as much use for the match as the rest of us. Here he is avoiding congratulating rival manager Arsène Wenger and then throwing his second-place medal up into the crowd....
Johannes Geis Hammers Home Long-Range Free Kick <i>Golazo</i>
Schalke 04 up-and-comer Johannes Geis gave the supporters in Gelsenkirchen something to anticipate for the forthcoming season as he drilled a perfect free kick into the corner of the net during today’s friendly against Dutch side Twente. Schalke just signed Geis to a four-year contract, and if he ca...
Another Former Eagle Claims Chip Kelly Isn't Down With The Black Players
Brandon Boykin today has become the latest black Eagle to be ousted by Chip Kelly and allege some kind of racial angle to the head coach’s personnel decisions. According to texts Boykin sent Comcast SportsNet’s Derrick Gun, the defensive back thinks Kelly is “uncomfortable around grown men of our cu...
How To Make Perlo, The Deep South's Best Take On Chicken And Rice
Here’s the thing about South Carolina: if you drive far enough inland from the ocean, you will run out of fingers on which to count highway billboards threatening you with ultimatums like “Accept Jesus Or Burn In Hell.” Not a whole lot to recommend the place once you get out of earshot of the surf....
Cryin' Wilmer Flores, Still A Met, Hits 12th-Inning Walkoff
Two days ago Wilmer Flores was crying on the field, thinking the Mets had traded him away. Tonight, the shortstop cranked a 12th-inning walkoff to give his team—still the Mets—a 2-1 win over Washington....
Laundry School: Death To Rumpled, Wrinkled Clothes
Here we are, friends, at the end of our Laundry School coursework. We covered a ton of ground this month, from explaining the difference between liquid and powder detergents to an overview of washer and dryer settings and cycles. There were posts dedicated to the products you use to get your clothes...
A Norwegian Hero Has Been Shitting In A Golf Club's Holes For A Decade
There are keyboard warriors out there, like myself, who will write all these words about how golf is a classist and racist and sexist and bullshit sport and how actually fuck that it’s not even a sport and how the easiest way to tell if you’re in the presence of a Grade-A, grass-fed fuckboy is to as...
No Hops-Having Keeper Lets Pass Bounce Over His Head For An Own Goal
You had three options here, goalkeeper: 1) run out to the incoming back pass and meet it right after it bounces, 2) step back a few steps and take the ball off your chest after it took that towering though perfectly predictable skip off the turf, 3) loiter around in the box and find yourself standin...
The Marlins Played Fart Noises During The Nationals' Batting Practice
Some weird stuff happened at the Marlins’ stadium while the visiting Nationals were taking batting practice last night. Some weird fart stuff, to be specific:...
Cole Hamels Traded To Rangers, Phillies Get Top Prospects In Return
It turns out that Cole Hamels’s final start after 10 seasons as a Philly was indeed a no-hitter, as he has been traded to the Texas Rangers for a gaggle of prospects. As reported by Jeff Passan and others, here is what the deal looks like: ...
Taste Roger Goodell's Wrath With Our NFL Punishment Generator
NFL commissioner Roger Goodell is a ruddy incompetent who draws out decisions on punishing league employees in order to soak up the most positive attention he can. Until now, fans have only been to take part in this experience as third parties. Thanks to the NFL Punishment Generator, though, you too...
'Skins: A Billion-Kerjillion People Read About Our Stupid Team
Dan Snyder’s football team continues to be the biggest embarrassment in sports. To wit:...
