hi Page 1215 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Jonathan Toews And Patrick Kane Are Getting <em>Paid</em>, And They're Worth It
Today the Chicago Blackhawks announced identical eight-year contract extensions for forwards Jonathan Toews and Patrick Kane. They will run through the 2022-23 season, and each will carry an annual cap hit of $10.5 million a year. This is a lot of money, and it's also almost painfully reasonable....
Sexologists Masters And Johnson Were Cardinals Fans. Duh.
"Particularly for young people," Thomas Maier noted in a recent essay, "unaware of Masters and Johnson, it's difficult to appreciate how much has changed between the mid-'60s and today. But at the time they were becoming famous, the couples' graphs, charts and photos of human sexual response—learnin...
Alleged Murderer Has Cardinals And White Sox Logos Among His Face Tats
This Chicago man has been arrested and charged with murder after allegedly shooting and killing a man over the 4th of July weekend. Aside from being the kind of guy who allegedly shoots people and gets "Fuck The World" tattooed on his forehead, he also appears to be a fan of both the St. Louis Cardi...
White Sox Coach Aggressively Adjusts Himself
Yeah, baseball features a lot of junk adjusting, but this rustling by White Sox bench coach Mark Parent seems like overkill. ...
Germany-Brazil, Summarized By A Roomba
This might be my favorite recap of the Germany-Brazil match. Brazil were so awful, a damn Roomba clowned them on Instagram....
Tony Wroten Nearly Flees From His Own Incredible Shammgod Crossover
Tony Wroten's Shammgod crossover is spectacular, but what we are really here to admire is how damn excited Wroten is about his Shammgod crossover....
Why Redshirting Your Kindergartener Is Dumb
Before we get to the Funbag, Craggs wanted me to do a cattle call for audio and/or video of your local nutjob coach screaming at players. So if your indoor equestrian coach is chewing you out for hours at a time, and you had the moxie to take a video of said rant, send it on in. We won't yell at you...
Will Germany's Misuse Of Their Best Player Doom Them This World Cup?
Joachim Löw knew something needed to change. ...
Fugitive Arrested After Making Dumb Redskins Joke In Newspaper
Here is a tip for anyone that is currently a fugitive: Do not let a newspaper put your picture and full name in print, even if it is in the service of crapping on the Washington Redskins' racist name....
"Dear...Hero": Dan Gilbert's Comic Sans Letter, Edited For 2014 LeBron
LeBron James is back on the free-agent market for the first time since he left his hometown Cleveland Cavaliers for the Miami Heat. Doesn't all that summer's bitterness seem so long ago now? Might James want to try playing with a star guard who has two working legs? He might, right? He hasn't said h...
Political Blogger Hired By Redskins Resigns After Two Weeks
When it comes to attempts to defend the team name backfiring embarrassingly, Washington remains undefeated. Ben Tribbett, a left-leaning political blogger recently hired to "help the team promote a tradition that means so much to so many people," has announced his intention to resign....
Here's What Middle-Aged Napoleon Dynamite And Pedro Look Like
Reader Brian sent along his friend's photo, which he claims was taken in Idaho. He believes the men in the photo look like Napoleon Dynamite and Pedro, "40 years in the future." We can see it....
Sigh. Here Is Johnny Manziel Kind Of Doing The Nae Nae.
Well, we really boned ourselves here. Our non-exhaustive list of Johnny Manziel dirt that we will actually pay for included a $325 bounty for a video of Johnny Manziel doing the Nae Nae. (Why $325? Who the fuck knows.) Naturally, a tipster reached out to us with a video of Johnny Manziel doing the N...
How Zlatan Bought His Dream House
The World Cup has been pretty damn entertaining so far but let's face it: It would be even better were Sweden's Zlatan Ibrahimovic there. This is an excerpt from his hilarious (and surprisingly well-written) memoir, I Am Zlatan....
The Problem With Native American Slurs, According To Dan Snyder's Dad
Vinny Cerrato phoned a Boston sports-talk station recently and tried to explain why Dan Snyder won't change his football team's now officially derogatory name. "It's not a money thing for Dan," Snyder's former sidekick claimed. Instead, Cerrato dropped some Freud on us. ...
Here's Mark Jackson Doing Some Intense Sidewalk Preachin'
The other day, Mark Jackson went out to do some preachin' in Los Angeles, right over by the pawn shop and the check cashing joint. He's got a lot of energy, but I'm a little disappointed that he didn't find a way to work "Hand down, man down!" into his sermon....
Desert Island Discs
Dig this post over at Cinephilia and Beyond. It hips us to a great BBC 4 radio show, Desert Island Discs. Check out interviews with Michael Caine, Stephen Frears, Mel Brooks, John Huston, Elia Kazan, Bob Hoskins and many more....
God Save Dairy Queen: Scenes From The Fast-Food Franchise Wars
Manhattan's first Dairy Queen opened last month, its arrival heralded by months of agonizingly sincere public debate. Critics bemoaned the suburbanization of their precious city and exhorted responsible New Yorkers to patronize their nearest Mister Softee truck instead, rather than feed the soul...
Dudes Use Giant Lumberjack Machine To Save Bear Stuck In Milk Can
This is my new favorite bear video....