hi Page 1555 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

"I'd Rather Drink Methamphetamine," And Other Complaints About Soccer Being On ESPN
City's thrilling 1-0 win over Man United in today's Manchester Derby drew acclaim as a groundbreaking moment in broadcasting; the first-ever Premier League weekday game to air on ESPN (as opposed to ESPN2) earned on-air hype and plenty of attention on the Worldwide Leader's website. ...

Did Derrick Rose's Shoes Cause His Knee Injury?
Today, Chicago froths at a Nike shoe designer, Jason Petrie, who tweeted on Saturday that Derrick Rose should have signed with Nike, like LeBron did. LeBron, wrote Petrie, was only getting stronger, while Rose, thanks to his high-top adiZero Rose 2.5's, was toast, with a torn ACL....

Bartolo Colon Is Getting People Out
Have you seen Bartolo Colon pitch? He is worth seeing. Last year, it was amusing to watch the portly ex-Cy Young winner's return to adequacy, in his late 30s, after missing an entire season. It was a funny little joke about the vagaries of sports, or of life....

Dear Abby: Cleveland Sports Have Created An 8-Year-Old Psychopath
Yesterday's "Dear Abby" column featured "Good dad in Cleveland," who's seeking advice on what to do with his eight-year-old son, understandably driven to animal abuse by the frustrations of being a Cleveland sports fan. Little Junior loves sports, you see, but "he has trouble accepting a loss. He'll...

Joe Cowley: The Best Sexist Around, Nothing's Gonna Ever Keep Him Down
So, Joe Cowley. Hilarious satirist, or serial sexist? We'll try to address that soon, but first, let's discuss why you are watching the final tournament fight scene from The Karate Kid scored to Joe Esposito's "You're The Best Around." It seems Cowley had a signature sign off for those he was thro...

Today In Free Kicks: Kyle Walker, Young-Pyo Lee Produced Two Of The Most Gorgeous Goals You'll Ever See
The past 20 hours have been outstanding for fans of set pieces, as two beautiful free kick goals found the net and proved decisive in their respective games. Spurs back Kyle Walker secured victory for his squad in their match this morning against Blackburn with the above strike, a curving weasel o...

Bryce Harper Has His First Major League Hit, Possibly Because Dodgers Fans Were Mooning Their Own Pitcher
Nationals rookie Bryce Harper doubled in his third MLB at-bat, giving him his first hit in the majors. More importantly, though, it happened as some fans behind home plate had their bare asses out and pointing toward the mound. Why? I don't know. Does it matter? No. [PRIME]...

Bryce Harper's First Major League At-Bat Was A Comebacker
He's clearly doomed to failure....

Here's Something You Don't See Every Day: Adam Schefter Reports Derrick Rose Is Out For The Year With A Torn ACL
Moments ago, Adam Schefter just interrupted ESPN's wall-to-wall coverage of the NFL Draft and announced that Rose will miss the rest of the playoffs with a torn ACL following that awkward play in the final minutes of Chicago's game today....

New Seattle Seahawk Bobby Wagner Was In The Shitter When He Was Drafted
In one of the more appropriate instances of places to find out you got drafted by the Seattle Seahawks, Utah State linebacker Bobby Wagner learned the news while he was in the bathroom. Wagner was interrupted, but full of joy nonetheless....

Luis Suarez Finished A Hat Trick With An Unbelievably Stupid Shot From Just Past Midfield
Liverpool striker and alleged racist Luis Suarez capped off a hat trick against Norwich City today with a ridiculous, stupid strike from 45 yards out. We use the words "ridiculous" and "stupid" here unironically. For him to take this shot with an nearly open pitch in front of him (and teammate St...

Derrick Rose Injured In Final Minutes Of Game 1 Win Over Philadelphia 76ers
For some reason, Derrick Rose was on the court for the Chicago Bulls with a 12-point lead and a little more than a minute left in the series opener against the Sixers. Driving to the basket, he planted awkwardly and almost immediately fell out of midair in pain. Chicago would go on to win the batt...

Michigan Costumed Vigilante Arrested Following Trailer Park Brawl
Where to begin? Let's start with the Michigan Protectors. The self proclaimed "costumed activists" work to set up neighborhood watches and are part of an online community known as "Real Life Super Heroes." Just so we're all on the same page though, these people do not have super powers, despite wha...

Jeff Francoeur Gets 100th Assist Off Ryan "Doormat" Line Drive
We're not sure if someone has got it in for Ryan Doumit over at Yahoo, but as you can see, a typo (??) credits Jeff Francoeur with his 100th assist after doubling up Joe Mauer on "Ryan Doormat's liner to right-center."...

Scott Hairston Hits For Cycle, Mets Get Clobbered
Scott Hairston did that cool and meaningless thing where a player gets all the different kinds of hits possible in one game. Sadly, it was not a "natural" cycle, an even more meaningless occurrence made remarkable by the order in which the hits are made. The Mets, on the other hand, did that uncool...

Phillies Broadcaster Wanted Call Appealed, So He Shouted From The Booth And Hoped The Team Would Hear Him
Larry Andersen knew what he had seen here on Wednesday: that Diamondbacks shortstop Willie Bloomquist forgot to re-touch third base on his way back to second after Carlos Ruiz caught a pop-up in foul territory. And since none of the Phillies noticed, Andersen decided to take matters into his own h...

After Today's Arrest, Fox Sports Detroit Has Decided To Call Him "Demon Young" Now
Reader Dave just sent this in. Isn't Young innocent until proven guilty? Not so much....

Joel Ward Doesn't Blame Boston For Racist Comments
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Nobody should be blaming an entire city or fanbase....

Rajon Rondo, Magnificent Weirdo, Makes Every Tip-Off A Show
Thank you, anonymous YouTube user and presumed Celtics fan (Update: This guy!) who a) noticed that Rajon Rondo adds a stylish little tweak when he corrals the opening tip of every game, and b) put together a video compilation of some of this season's best. It's the showmanship of the pre-game rout...

Jay Bruce Homers, Child Naps, Guy Drops Ball While Holding Napping Child
Yeah, she's asleep. ... Shhh. ... No, it's OK. I can hold her. ... Shhh. ... Nice day, huh? ... [crack] ... Oh, wow. Hey, hun. Look out! It's coming this way! ... [grunts, stands up] ... YOU be careful! This ball's coming right at us! I GOT THIS! ... I just have to ... [adjusts grip on child, reach...