hi Page 1699 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
![Merry [Bleep]ing Christmas From Ozzie Guillen](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/Image_Not_Found_1x_qjofp8.png)
Merry [Bleep]ing Christmas From Ozzie Guillen
What could be better than the quirky White Sox manager under your tree Christmas morning? This foulmouthed outtake reel, wherein Ozzie tries to sell you his nipples, or something....
A Former NFLer Goes Behind The Sideline Wall
Yesterday, Jets strength and conditioning coach Sal Alosi was suspended indefinitely for ordering a sideline wall and tripping up Miami's Nolan Carroll. We asked ex-NFL player and occasional Deadspin contributor Nate Jackson for his thoughts....
Breaking Down The Pens' And Caps' Gameplans, As Captured By <em>24/7</em> Cameras
Justin Bourne does a bang-up job of analyzing what we (and HBO's cameras) saw on the whiteboards in the Capitals and Penguins' respective locker rooms....
Apocalyptic Teddy-Bear Rain Delays Hockey Game
Fans and players in Calgary were horrified as plushy death rained from the rafters. Scores were killed, maimed, and softly nuzzled to sleep....
Who Wants To See A Cockatoo Singing That Drowning Pool Song?
We consider this a public service to the five of you who haven't yet seen Lolita the cockatoo singing the WWE classic, "Bodies."...
Last Night's Winner: Bruce Boudreau Makes Rex Ryan Look Like Mr. Rogers
Don't say you weren't warned. HBO's 24/7 Penguins/Capitals premiered last night, and we were promised profanity. Either we got it, or they accidentally put Deadwood back on the air....
Tonight's NHL 24/7 Premiere: "You'll Have To Hide The Kids"
Tonight is the premiere of HBO's straightforwardly-titled series 24/7 Penguins/Capitals: Road to the Winter Classic. Want to know exactly which expletives Bruce Boudreau spat at his Caps during their 7-0 loss to the Rangers on Sunday? Now you will....
Hunter Smith Oddly Serene About Being Fall Guy For Bumbling Redskins Organization
Remember, Smith was The Botcher. "Rebuilding a culture, rebuilding personnel, and I would have loved to have been a part of that moving forward. But I am at peace with where things are going." Actually, he sounds downright ecstatic. [WaPo]...
Pay-To-Play Means Something Else Entirely In High School Hoops
Two pairs of parents are suing their Kansas school district because they claim the basketball coach solicited personal loans from them, and cut their kids from the team after they pressured him to pay up....
Please Do Not Suplex The Referee
A Florida high schooler, upset over an iffy T, shows his displeasure with the ref in a very physical way. The game was forfeited, the player was ejected, and he could be facing expulsion. [via The Big Lead]...
Even Papa John's Has Given Up On The Redskins
The chain used to offer a free topping for each touchdown, and double that if the Redskins won. Fans must've gotten tired of plain cheese pizza, because they pulled a random Ryan Torain tie-in out of their ass instead. [DCSportsBog, TV3]...
Manu Ginobili's UFO Sighting Explained
Last week Manu spotted something odd in the evening sky above LA. Rest easy, because it was just skydivers doing a night jump with flares, and not aliens come to take Sam Cassell back to his home planet. [Red Bull Air Force]...
Last Night's Winner: The Mystery Team
For 35 years, as long as free agency has existed in Major League Baseball, the Mystery Team has made a run at every single available player. But they'd never actually signed one until last night....
Cliff Lee Is Going Back To Philly
Cliff Lee has reportedly turned down both the Yankees and the Rangers and will once again play for the Philadelphia Phillies next season. Lee, Roy Halladay, Roy Oswalt, and Cole Hamels: it will be quite the starting rotation. [Jon Heyman's Twitter]...
Hacked Comment Questions: Come Here, Speak Up
Some of you have emailed or g-chatted with concerns that the system still won't enable you to change your passwords. This, I am told, is being investigated by the brave Tech Team. Go to Gizmodo for updates on most questions....
Your NFL Late Games Open Thread
Patriots at Chicago. Chiefs at Chargers. Other stuff, like Woody Paige whining about Tebow not getting a start today. Enjoy....
Even Back Hair Performance Art Couldn't Save Appalachian State Football
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....
"Sick" Jon Heyman Impersonator Infuriates "Real" Jon Heyman With Greinke-To-Phillies Ruse
Seems as if a Philadelphia blogger started a Hot Stove frenzy last night by Tweeting that the Phillies and Royals worked out a deal for Zack Greinke while cyber-costumed as Sports Illustrated's Jon Heyman....
Heat Tap Phil Collins For Intro Video
They've been using this since the beginning of the season, but it should be new to everyone including Miami fans, since it plays before the game begins. [Dime]...
And Here's An 11-Year-Old Dunking
And yes, that's a regulation rim. Adrian Moore is in seventh grade, which means he won't even start college until 2016. Assuming he's not already playing for money somewhere in Europe next year. [Prep Rally, h/t Ryanosaurus Rex]...