hi Page 1790 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Tony Gonzalez Is The New Falconer
Kansas City sends Tony Gonzalez to Atlanta and Matt Ryan for a 2010 second-round pick. You weren't using that were you, Matt Cassel? (Yes, two Falconer references in one day! I win $5!) [USA Today]...

Money For Nothing And Your Outfielders For Free
Outfielder Jason Tyner was assigned to Class AAA by the Tigers, who acquired him today from the Brewers for, apparently, nothing. [NBCSports]...

Football Coach Bans Student Reporters, Takes Gratuitous Shot At Soccer (Update)
Angered over a recent editorial in the school paper, the head football coach at Wisconsin-Whitewater has denied student reporters any access to his team this coming fall....

Jeremy Tyler Is Too Cool For School
Sorry Rick Pitino; Jeremy Tyler will not need your services in 2011. In fact, not only is the 6-foot-11 center bypassing Louisville to play in Europe, he's even skipping his senior year of high school....

Tom Izzo To Make Musical Theater Fans <i>Les Miserables</i>
Look...I love Tom Izzo and I hate cancer, but if a Broadway-style musical extravaganza starring an undersized Yooper doesn't have Bad Idea Jeans written all over it, I'll eat my tap shoes....

Even Kansas Is Somehow Benefiting From John Calipari's Move
The Henry brothers—high school senior Xavier and his Memphis Tiger sibling, C.J.—are both enrolling at Kansas. (Sources say!) Way to kick a Door when it's down. [Fox, via RTC; more @ SI]...

Beware The Withering Insults Of FIGJAM
Regardless of what people think of Phil Mickelson, he'll always have an enthusiastic fan base and the admiration of some of his peers, regardless of how douchey he comes off sometimes....

William "Refrigerator" Perry In The Hospital
The Fridge is expected to recover, but is suffering from Guillain-Barre Syndrome, "a chronic inflammation disorder of the peripheral nerves" and also something that doctors call "Shuffleitis." [Sun-Times]...

Umpire Kerwin Danley May Need Stronger Head Gear
Kerwin Danley was carted off the field last night after getting hit in the head with a broken bat—almost a year to the day since he was plunked in face by a Brad Penny fastball....

Alexander Ovechkin Can't Drive 55
Rachel Nichols had a nice "so now you know" profile about the NHL's goofy MVP on E:60 last night. What do you think happens when a toothless, 23-year-old adrenaline junkie gets handed $100 million?...

For Great Quality At A Low, Low Price, Come On Down During Aaron Curry Discount Days
Aaron Curry is shopping himself to the Lions via text message — which technically is SPAM — telling general manager Martin Mayhew he can be had for a song if he chooses him No. 1....

Cubs Fans Will Never Escape Their Terrible Destiny
A rogue cat invaded Wrigley Field yesterday, reminding Cubbie fans everywhere that the ceaseless torment of loving sport's most accursed franchise will follow them to their eternal damnation beyond the grave....

I Guess This Is What You Live For
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap...

Jim McMahon Is The "MVP Of The Bedroom"
It's come to this: The former Bears quarterback has become a pitchman for a mysterious sex drug. [WGN Morning News]...

Four No-Hitters In A Row? OK, That's Impressive
When I heard a high school baseball pitcher threw three consecutive no-hitters, it was like "Whatever." But when the same kid does it four times in a row ... now you've got my attention....

Druggie NFL Prospects Not Actually On Drugs
Remember all the fuss recently about certain draft prospects who tested positive for drugs at the scouting combine and how it made everyone sad for today's youth? Yeah, none of those guys actually tested positive....

Alexander Ovechkin Would Have Made A Lousy Cold War Spy
The Captials star was booted from the Rangers practice today "'because they're afraid of me,' he said with a smile." Really? Which of your first two home losses scared them the most? [NYPost]...

Name Of The Year: The Final Chapter
And so the sprawling Name of the Year competition is poised for its dramatic conclusion. Ladies and gentlemen, witness the championship showdown between Barkevious Mingo and Iris Macadangdang. [Name Of The Year]...

Elijah Dukes Uses His Powers For Good, Still Gets Into Trouble
Elijah Dukes spent Saturday afternoon signing autographs for Little Leaguers. Naturally, that led to him being benched, a crushing defeat for the Nationals, and a teammate with a broken ankle....

Behold The Frankenstein Boston Sports Tattoo
Spring is here, which means that once again the Boston sports tattoos are uncovered in all their glory. Look, here's an insane interesting one....