hi Page 1807 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
ESPN Employees Will Pitch In To Help
Last week we showed ESPN president George Bodenheimer's gloomy report about the state of the WWL, which detailed the many changes needed in order for the company to continue making jizzillions of dollars....
Idiot Fan Attacks Referee (Who Is Also A Cop)
"Rempala said, 'You can't arrest me, you're a referee,' and he pushed the trooper again...once he realized the referee he attacked really was a trooper, [he] reportedly said, 'That's not fair.'" [TimesOnline]...
Tyra Banks Drops Jonesboro High Dance Team Like They're Hot
You remember the Jonesboro High Dance Team, those wacky teenagers from Georgia whose provocative halftime routine got them banned by the school district? Now they've been canceled by Tyra Banks....
Forget Hockey Dads: Never Mess With A High School Scorekeeper
Nick Santosuosso was keeping stats for Lexington, while Josh Bellini was running the book for Watertown. The two high school teams were bitter rivals fighting for a league title in a close game, when an dispute reportedly arose over the number of fouls assigned to a particular player. Words were exc...
The Hype (And Hats) Of Signing Day
Hey, a bunch of high school kids are picking their colleges today, and I'm pretty certain that one kid you don't know is totally going to help you win an office pool some day....
Open Up Your Heart And Let National Signing Day Come In
The Jedi mind tricks and tempting team buffet of Charlie Weis have worked their magic once again, as highly-touted prep linebacker Manti Te'o of Hawaii has just committed to Notre Dame....
Hoops Team Tries Performance-Enhancing "Suggestions"
A high school basketball coach in Kansas hypnotizes his struggling team; they win their next game by 10. Hey, it makes as much scientific sense as teaching evolution, am I right? [Wichita Eagle]...
Without Eternal Vigilance, It Could Happen Outside Of Your City College Women's Softball Practice
Santa Barbara police arrested a "middle-aged male" for masturbating in the parking lot where the Santa Barbara City College softball team was practicing. Carl Monday is not amused....
(Update) ESPN: The High School
Remember Fame? The movie about a high school where kids dance in the street and make out with teachers instead of going to class? This is just like that, only with Chris Berman....
Young Florida Fan Gets Preview Of College Life
Just guessing, but this is probably exactly how Michael Phelps acted during that South Carolina frat party. (Examines fingers) ... "Is this real life?"...
Lindsey Vonn Wins Gold, Would Prefer Another Cow
American Lindsey Vonn won her first major ski gold medal today, but still pines for the days when she was paid for victories in livestock....
The Onion Sports Network Debuts
Tom Coughlin Retires From Family To Spend More Time With Team”Let’s steam things up.” [Onion Sports Network]...
Washington Post Columnist Mines Deadspin Comments, Finds Comedy Gold
From Sally Jenkins' Washington Post column: "A wit named Gourmet Spud posted this sendup of his autobiography on Deadspin: "From Breaststrokes to Breasts-Tokes: How I Spent My Summer Olympics Vacation" by Michael Phelps." [Washington Post]...
He Fought The Tow Truck And The Tow Truck Won
No sooner had Ohio State garnered some positive publicity than the Buckeyes were brought back to earth with the drunken, mischievous adventures of offensive lineman Alex Boone....
That's Just Scott Boras Being Scott Boras
Manny Ramirez turns down Dodgers' offer of $25 million over one season, leaving the door open for ... the Washington Nationals? [The Nationals Enquirer]...
Matt Cassel Got A Little Wet At The ESPN Party
For the most part, this Super Bowl XLIII party weekend seemed relatively tame compared to previous years. That is until somebody at the ESPN party peed on Patriots' quarterback Matt Cassel....
Phelps Is Sorry He Hit That Bong, Dude
Michael Phelps says he regrets doing his impersonation of Brad Pitt in True Romance, and that it will never, ever happen again. I totally believe him*....
Buzz Bissinger: Foul-Mouthed Inspiration To Fertile Yale Minds
Surprisingly, he cursed a lot during his lecture: “I would never imagine him as the writer of the story I love." [Yale Daily News]...
Kobe Bryant: He's Just Not That Into Poo
I'm always torn on my feelings about Kobe Bryant. Talent aside, his personality always seems a little prickly and pretentious; it's like he's burdened by his greatness and just can't communicate with inferior beings....
Everyone Has An Opinion On That 100-0 Girls Baskteball Game
The debate rages: When is it proper to call off the full-court press? Should a losing team be shown mercy? Aren't some kids simply better suited for Theater Arts?...