hi Page 673 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
I Followed Grimes's Arcane Training Regimen, Unlocked The Powers Of My Soul, And Cut My Hand
Earlier this week, Grimes, the Canadian pop star who makes pretty good music that sounds like a computer fighting an elf, outlined the parameters of an ambitious training regimen on Instagram Tuesday. The program takes between four to seven hours, requires sword fighting and screaming, and seems to...
Tupac-Obsessed Iowa Public Servant Resigns In Mystery
The Iowa Department for Human Services provides services to the poor, children, senior citizens, and people with mental illness, addictions, or disabilities. Jerry Foxhoven, a retired law professor, was appointed to head up the agency in 2017, and until he was ousted last month, he added another di...
Most Exciting Incidental Things To Happen At A Sporting Event, Ranked
I went with my family to a collegiate summer league baseball game last week, because tickets were cheap and because we needed a decent excuse to leave the house. If you’ve ever been to a summer league game—or to a much bigger professional sporting event—you know that there are things that occur with...
Ned Yost Can Teach You Whippersnappers A Thing Or Two About The Moon Landing, So Listen Up!
The Royals beat the White Sox 11-0 last night, and got a complete game shutout from starting pitcher Glenn Sparkman. But who gives a shit about any of that? We’re here to learn about space from Royals manager Ned Yost....
Benches Clear In Rays-Yankees Over Grown Men Arguing About Not Talking To Each Other
The benches cleared briefly in the middle of the sixth inning of Tuesday night’s Rays-Yankees tilt in New York. No one was plunked or brushed back; there were no dirty slides; no catchers were trucked at the plate. Yankees pitcher C.C. Sabathia struck out Rays outfielder Avisail Garcia on a, hmm, cr...
Steve Kerr Tentatively Reminds Shaq Of Obligation To Kiss Kerr's Cheese-Covered Feet
Back in 2005, Shaquille O’Neal thought no coach would ever match what Phil Jackson did with the Lakers between 2000 to 2004: guide a team to the Finals four out of five years. “It will never be done again,” Shaq said, promising to kiss the cheese-covered feet of any person that did it, on a TV show ...
Let The Alligator Throw The First Pitch
Chance the Snapper—a Chicago alligator who gained fame last week when he was first noticed living in the Humboldt Park lagoon—was taken into custody Tuesday morning by reptile expert Frank Robb, who was hired specifically to grab the creature. Before he was apprehended, the 5-foot-3 Chance captured ...
USWNT's Ashlyn Harris Says Former Teammate Was Excluded For Homophobia, Not Christianity
In the never-ending search for fuel to feed the conservative backlash against the world champion USWNT, some media outlets—mostly of the conservative Christian variety—dredged up a year-old interview with former USWNT defender Jaelene Hinkle. Talking to The 700 Club last May, Hinkle said that she tu...
You’re Not Sticking To Sports When You Stick To Sports
We live in an age of mass cowardice, and so it’s unsurprising that the PGA—that famed bastion of sporting tolerance—would not only charge ahead with staging a major tournament at a Trump-owned golf course, but also that they would limply try to have it both ways by consigning the President’s flagran...
Barry Sanders Was The Coolest Football Player Who Ever Lived
What would it take for a present-day football player to equal or surpass the sheer coolness of Barry Sanders, who turns 51 years old today? I’m not sure it’s even possible. Individual humans simply are not permitted to impose themselves on the sport’s structure in 2019 the way they were in 1992. And...
Hair-Pulling Considered Rude In Every Sport But Football
In the midst of play a few weeks ago, WNBA player Liz Cambage’s arm got all wrapped up in her opponent Kalani Brown’s hair. At first the tangle seemed to be an accident, but soon there was pushing and shoving and intentional hair-pulling, and Cambage walked away from the encounter with a flagrant fo...
Report: MLB Considering Adding Dopey Advertising Patches To Uniforms
According to the Sports Business Journal, we are one step closer to living in a world in which every possible moment spent watching a sporting event will also be a moment spent absorbing corporate advertising. That’s because MLB is reportedly considering following the NBA’s lead and adding advertisi...
Justin Turner Defends Pitcher Who Just Plunked Him From Overreacting Umpire
The Dodgers beat the hell out of the Phillies Monday night, ripping off a six-run fourth inning and cruising to a 16–2 victory. But that doesn’t mean the late innings were entirely without drama: for one thing, the Phillies used a position player as a pitcher; for another, in the top of the eighth i...
Tigers Bring Trevor Rosenthal Back To The Majors For Some Reason
Here’s an alarming bit of news for MLB batters who value their personal safety: Trevor Rosenthal, who bombed out of the Nationals bullpen due to a persistent inability to throw strikes and get outs, is back in the majors, this time with the Detroit Tigers....
Hall-Of-Fame Boxer Pernell "Sweet Pea" Whitaker Dead At 55 After Being Hit By A Car
Former professional boxing champion Pernell “Sweet Pea” Whitaker was killed last night in Virginia Beach. According to police, Whitaker was crossing a busy intersection around 10 p.m. when a car hit him. He died from his injuries at the scene. He was 55....
Children's Birthday Party Gets Much Cooler After New Jersey Devils' Mascot Runs Through Glass Window
When you’re a child, it’s surely cool to have the New Jersey Devils’ mascot show up to your birthday shindig, but what’s much more impressive is when NJ Devil gets overwhelmed by the play parachute, starts running around, and shatters a glass window. How many kids get to say that happened at their p...
The Texans Are Stiffing Jadeveon Clowney
It has been a relatively quiet offseason for the NFL, which comes as a real pleasure for everyone, but that’s just about ended. For folks thirsty for football-adjacent events, we’re less than a week out from the start of training camps, and just hours away from the deadline for players slapped with ...
Fernando Tatis Jr. Bends Fabric Of Space And Time, Avoids Getting Tagged Out
It appeared as though Braves pitcher Mike Soroka was about the record the first out of his appearance against the Padres on Sunday. With an 0-2 count against Eric Hosmer, Soroka picked off Fernando Tatis Jr., who had a considerable lead at first base. Tatis Jr. was then caught in a rundown and, afte...
In Miracle, Orioles Somehow Manage To Avoid Falling Victim To Perfect Game
The Orioles are in the midst of a historically bad season with many lowlights that will likely be used in hospitals all over the country to help patients induce vomiting. But to those cursed with supporting this team, I bring good news. Baltimore showed on Sunday that the depths of their awfulness d...
Ricky Simón Postponed His Honeymoon To Get Knocked Out In 46 Seconds
It had always been a dream for Ricky Simón to fight UFC Hall of Famer Urijah Faber, so when the opportunity arose for that dream to become a reality, the 26-year-old bantamweight made sure he’d be the one to welcome “The California Kid” back into the octagon. In fact, Simón was so excited to take on...