hi Page 776 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
What Horrible Things Did We Do To Our Penises Last Year?<em></em>
Happy new year, one and all. This year, resolve to take better care of your dick and balls; last year you did a really bad job of it....
Floyd Mayweather's "Fight" With A Japanese Kickboxing Prodigy Was Dumber Than Anyone Could Have Hoped For<em></em><em></em>
Last night in Tokyo, Floyd Mayweather fought 20-year-old kickboxer Tenshin Nasukawa in an altogether embarrassing sham “exhibition” boxing match which was announced in early November, then unannounced two days later, and finally un-unannounced after that, with a strange set of rules and no convincin...
Everything That Should Die In 2019
It was another miserable year full of miserable things. Here is some stuff from 2018 that we hope stays in 2018....
These NFL Coaches Sucked Enough To Get Fired This Year
Hue Jackson and Mike McCarthy were horrible enough to get canned during the regular season, but now that Week 17's wrapped up, it’s time for all the other disappointing NFL head coaches to join them in the Great Coordinator Gig in the Sky. Here’s a brief roundup of everyone who’s been canned today....
Eagles’ Third-String QB Throws Touchdown Pass, Negotiates With Kid To Get Football Back<em></em><em></em>
Nate Sudfeld entered the Eagles’ playoff-clinching 24-0 win over Washington yesterday after Nick Foles got hurt and threw just one pass. It was a 22-yard TD toss to Nelson Agholor, the first touchdown throw of Sudfeld’s career. ...
Dan Snyder Doesn't Get It
Was this it, finally? Was this the utter embarrassment needed for Dan Snyder, who has owned an NFL team for 20 years and watched it descend over that time from the ranks of the league’s proud/storied/whatever franchises into a permanent laughingstock—over which time the one constant has been Snyder ...
Nick Foles Has Done It Again, Of Course
Although it seemed unlikely coming into Sunday, and even more unlikely several weeks out, we all kind of knew this would happen. The Nick Foles-led miracle Eagles have scratched their way back into the playoffs, edging out the Minnesota Vikings for the NFC’s second Wild Card spot. This could only ha...
Kiko Alonso's Failed Dirty Hit Leads To Brawl, Ejection
Most players on teams that have been eliminated from the playoffs are just trying to get through today without hurting themselves or others. Not Dolphins linebacker Kiko Alonso, who is out there trying (and failing) to maim Bills quarterback Josh Allen....
Week 17 Is A Great Week To Watch Quarterbacks Catch Touchdowns
The early games on Week 17 Sunday are not that interesting. Everything with some drama was flexed to 4 p.m., so fans are left watching a bunch of blowouts and meaningless games....
John Wall's Busted Heel Has Officially Put The Wizards Out Of Their Misery
The Wizards, who are currently 14-24, have reached the point in their season when it’s more beneficial for them to start being bad on purpose rather than being bad on accident. The only thing standing in the way of this transition is that the Wizards do not fit the standard profile of a tanking tea...
Ben Simmons Keeps Dunking On Jazz Fans Over His Rookie Of The Year Win
Ben Simmons might not be able to shoot basketballs into hoops with any sort of consistency, but the Sixers point guard can still make life a living hell for his opponents. Just ask the hostile Utah crowd that attended Thursday night’s Sixers-Jazz game, which spent the majority of the game booing Sim...
Andrei Vasilevskiy Was Bug-Eyed With Disbelief At His Own Save
It was maybe not a game you’d have expected much excitement from. The Lightning lead the entire rest of the NHL, by a healthy margin, and haven’t lost in regulation since November. The Flyers, on the other hand, are scraping the bottom of the East and have already canned their coach and GM. But a mi...
Won't Someone Please Think Of Dana White?
UFC president Dana White was a bit of a shithead towards a reporter on Thursday during the press conference for the recently-relocated UFC 232. To make things easier for Jon Jones to participate in the headlining fight after an “atypical” drug test, the pay-per-view event was move from Las Vegas to ...
Mamma Mia, That's A Spicy Own Goal!
Italian soccer found itself beset by the twin scourges of violence and racism yesterday, which is maybe fortunate for Ascoli goalkeeper Filippo Perucchini, since his humiliating own goal in a Serie B match against Palermo today would’ve definitely been front-page news in less violent and racist time...
Just Five Blissful Minutes Of Jon Gruden Stomping Around Shouting At People
Jon Gruden was mic’d up during Oakland’s Week 16 beatdown of the Denver Broncos, and Wednesday the NFL published a little five-minute cut of his choicest moments, and I am here to tell you it is extremely compelling stuff. I would watch a weekly television show of nothing but clips of Gruden screami...
Hassan Whiteside Has A Case Of Free Throw Yips
Hassan Whiteside did some cool things Wednesday night, in Miami’s narrow loss to the Toronto Raptors. He finished with 16 points, 12 rebounds, and three blocks in 31 minutes, and was a game-high plus-22. In the first quarter, with the Heat up nine and feeling frisky, Whiteside brought the ball up th...
The Sad, Short Story Of The First Responder Bowl
We all had this day circled on our calendars, because this is the day that Boston College and Boise State were set to meet in the big game—the one we’ve all been waiting for, the one that kept us awake last night: the First Responder Bowl. I regret to inform you that the First Responder Bowl has bee...
No One's Scared Of Ben Simmons
Kyrie Irving caught fire to help the Celtics pull away from the 76ers for a 121-114 overtime win in a statement battle between two of the let’s say three best teams in the East. But it was his counterpoint who celebrated Christmas Day with a career high, even if it was a total accident and still sor...
What Did We Get Stuck In Our Rectums Last Year?<em></em>
It’s here! It’s finally here! Every year it seems like the big day will never come, but it’s here. It’s the day to gather with your family and friends ‘round the hearth, warm beverages and sweet treats at the ready, and have a hearty chortle over the things America stuck inside itself and couldn’t r...
Dwayne Harris Is A Special-Teams Genius
In the NFL, if a player on the punting team touches the ball first before it lands in the end zone, a player on the return team can scoop it up and advance it without worrying about a fumble; the turnover wouldn’t count against them. Raiders return man Dwayne Harris is quite familiar with this rule,...