hi Page 787 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Here's A Blessed Video Of Johnny Cueto Riding A Prancing Pony
As rich person hobbies go, horses are one of the riskier and more complicated ones. Horses are expensive and cool, but they are also huge and don’t listen to reason and take enormous dumps. Compare that to a rich person pursuit like owning visual art or islands or a bunch of cars—all of which are al...
Amateur MMA Fighter Somehow Injures Both Of His Legs Celebrating His Knockout Win
Weird shit seems to happen all the time in the lower rungs of MMA. There was the guy who did a front flip off his opponent’s lifeless body, the guy who barfed all over the cage for no good reason, and the other guy who crapped a bunch in the cage (this one at least is not unique to regional MMA). Th...
It’s Been A Weird And Wonderful Week Of Football
We’re here with your Thanksgiving week edition of Emergency Football Show Weekly! Dom Cosentino and I break down the show put on by the Rams and Chiefs on Monday Night Football, a costly mistake by Philip Rivers, the resurgence of the Indianapolis Colts and, of course, Jon Gruden and Derek Carr argu...
Thanksgiving Is The Last Good Holiday
Some years ago, for reasons that are hard to parse, the Internet Of Content decided that Thanksgiving sucks. A holiday that for the most part celebrates fundamental American values—gluttony, family, NFC football, a weirdly sentimentalized vision of genocide, copious side dishes—was transformed, in p...
Former MSU President Lou Anna Simon Charged With Lying To Police About Larry Nassar
Former Michigan State University President Lou Anna Simon, who resigned from her position back in January, has been charged by the Michigan Attorney General’s office on two felony counts and two misdemeanor counts of lying to police. From the Lansing State Journal:...
Ass Team Of The Week: You And The Philadelphia Eagles Will Be Trampled By The Stampede Of Time And Left For Dead
Here is an easy prediction to make: the Philadelphia Eagles are certainly not going to repeat as Super Bowl champions. It’s very unlikely, at this point, that they will even return to the playoffs. Their 4-6 record relays that information plainly enough, but the 48-7 loss they suffered at the hands ...
Ken Hitchcock Is Unretiring To Coach The Oilers
At the end of last season, following a fruitless campaign with the Stars, longtime NHL head coach Ken Hitchcock announced his retirement, leaving the NHL after somewhat successful stints with four different franchises and a 1999 Stanley Cup win....
UFC Is Streaming A Bizarre Donald Trump Propaganda Documentary
If parody is still possible, the opening montage is beyond parody. You’ve got your orchestral strings. An American flag. The ubiquitous name slapped on the back of a helicopter: TRUMP. Then Dana White in his traditional uniform, jeans and a black shirt with an extra button undone, lavishing praise....
Markelle Fultz Shooting Form Update: Legally Barred?
The last thing the sad and strange Markelle Fultz saga needed was whatever the hell this is, per David Aldridge:...
Old Tony Parker Stepped In And Gave Kemba Walker A Break, And It Ruled
Two minutes and seven seconds remained on the clock in last night’s Celtics-Hornets game, and Kemba Walker was tired. He had every right to be: To that point, he’d scored 40 points—18 in the fourth quarter alone—in just under 37 minutes of playing time. And these were not ordinary minutes, but rathe...
Fabiano Caruana Missed His Chance To Take Control Of The World Chess Championship
LONDON — The tension continues to mount as Magnus Carlsen and Fabiano Caruana remain deadlocked after eight games of their 12-game World Chess Championship match in London. The middle portion of the match saw the continuation and evolution of the players’ fascinating psychological duel, a supercompu...
Samson Ebukam Stole The Show
In an exhilarating Monday Night Football shootout that saw two of the best young quarterbacks in the world play each other to a near-stalemate, it was the Rams defense that made the difference and earned them the 54-51 win over the Chiefs. Specifically, it was second-year linebacker Samson Ebukam—a ...
Was That The Future Of Football?
“I might need a couple beverages to relax tonight,” Sean McVay said after the Rams’ 54-51 win over the Chiefs in one of the most satisfying and exhilarating football games ever played. Maybe a cigarette? MNF viewers are walking around this morning like we got laid last night, and you know what? I’m ...
Vlade Divac Is Pissed About Coaching Decisions That Have The Kings Winning Actual Games
The Kings jumped out to a big early lead over the visiting Thunder Monday night, then withstood a furious Russell Westbrook-led surge, then made a series of clutch buckets and free throws in the final five minutes to secure their second win over OKC this season. Five Kings scored in double-figures; ...
Well That Was Exhilarating As Shit
The Rams and the Chiefs played the highest-scoring contest in the history of Monday Night Football tonight, a 54–51 barnburner in which every play seemed to go for 18 yards, and every third play seemed to produce a touchdown. It was maybe the most exciting football game I’ve ever watched. Did you mi...
Lawsuit Accuses Bad Football Dad Of Dressing Like Referee At Son's Playoff Game And Bragging Online About Influencing The Outcome
We’ve got controversy in the Illinois High School Association Class 7A football playoffs, folks. Two controversies, in fact. One is a fairly mundane case of disorganization in high school football. The other involves costuming and bad parenting and a lawsuit, and a father boasting on social media ab...
The Wizards Are Like If A Sarlacc Took Up Residence Underneath A Burning, Flooded Carnival Outhouse, Per Reports
It’s all coming apart in Washington, and by “it” I mean a half-decade of trumped-up semi-relevance in which the team never seriously contended for anything more meaningful than supremacy in the NBA’s Southeast Division. Mutiny is at hand. Soon there will be cannibalism....
Me And My Boy Snuck Into The Greatest Football Game Ever Played
Sunday night’s Gonzaga-DeMatha matchup for DC’s Catholic league title was, objectively speaking, the greatest event in the history of mankind. Sporting or otherwise. (Non-believers can watch it all here.)...
Curling Team Banned From Alberta Tournament For Being So, So Drunk
Curling has long been billed as a sport that you can play while drinking. While that’s true, and it’s not unheard for recreational and competitive players to have a beer during a game, it’s definitely not true that you can play the game drunk, or at least play it well. That was proven in Alberta thi...
The Wizards Are No Longer A Basketball Team
If you have the stomach for it, pick a night when the Washington Wizards have a game at the same time as another game between pretty much any two other NBA teams, even really shitty ones like the Phoenix Suns or New York Knicks, and spend some time toggling back and forth between the two every few m...