hi Page 811 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Just Like That, The Dodgers Are In Control
Well that happened fast. Just a week ago the Dodgers were in third place in the NL West, 4.5 games back of the Diamondbacks, and enduring all kinds of misery having to do with their season-long disappointment in close games. And here they are, on the first Monday of September, alone with the divisio...
Elena Delle Donne Balled The Fuck Out On One Leg To Keep The Mystics' Postseason Alive
A standout playoff performance from a former MVP in a do-or-die game isn’t exactly outside of the realm of normalcy—but it is if that player only has one knee at full strength....
Brilliant Italian Soccer Man Scores Just The Coolest Goddamn Goal
Serie A side Sampdoria kicked the dicks off their Napoli counterparts Sunday afternoon. They were already up 2–0 in the 75th minute when a free kick smashed off the Napoli line and eventually pinged over Bartosz Bereszyński, who sent a hard and low cross toward teammate Fabio Quagliarella. Have a lo...
Elena Delle Donne Will Somehow Start Game 4 After Nasty Knee Injury
Elena Delle Donne is listed as a starter for the Washington Mystics in their do-or-die Game 4 semifinal matchup against the Atlanta Dream Sunday afternoon. I am sure you will join me in saying please don’t make me watch the video of her knee bending backwards like al dente linguine again....
Oh Khalil Mack Got PAID, Paid
Well, if the Raiders weren’t going to do it, another team would. After trading four draft picks for Khalil Mack, the Chicago Bears signed the 2016 Defensive Player of the Year to a six-year $141 million extension, making him the highest-paid defensive player in league history....
Joe West Gums Up Phillies' Strategy With Textualist Reading Of Foreign Substance Rule
A strange thing happened in the eighth inning of Saturday night’s Cubs-Phillies game. Veteran umpire Joe West, working third base, noticed Phillies reliever Austin Davis pull a notecard out of his back pocket before pitching to Addison Russell, and decided he needed to know more, and brought the gam...
Possibly T.J. Vasher Is Inspector Gadget
Ole Miss beat up Texas Tech Saturday afternoon, eventually winning 47–27 behind 336 yards passing and a pair of touchdowns by senior quarterback Jordan Ta’amu. Having gotten that out of the way, let us gawk, slack-jawed, at this spectacular catch from Texas Tech sophomore receiver T.J. Vasher:...
Aaron Boone Tops Ron Gardenhire In Battle Of Colorful Manager Meltdowns
Jordan Zimmermann was working on a no-hitter in the bottom of the fifth inning Friday night when home plate umpire Nic Lentz gave him a strike against Gleyber Torres on a fastball that sure looked like it missed off the inside of the plate. Yankees manager Aaron Boone, who was apparently already dis...
Gio González Takes A Break From Weeping To Reassure Brewers PR People: "But I'm Happy! I Am Happy."
The Nationals traded lefty starter Gio Gonzalez to the Milwaukee Brewers on Friday, the last day that players can move between teams and remain eligible to play in the postseason. Gonzalez has been in Washington since 2012; during that time he’s gotten married, had a couple kids, and entrenched hims...
Reports: Raiders Trade Khalil Mack To Chicago For Two First-Round Draft Picks
The Khalil Mack extension saga in Oakland seems to have drawn to an unexpected close. Rather than reach an agreement with their all-world defensive end, the Raiders have reportedly agreed to trade him to the Chicago Bears....
Usain Bolt Is A Soccer Player Now And He's Actually Not Terrible
Usain Bolt may have retired from track, but he hasn’t given up sports entirely. He is currently signed to a trial contract with the Central Coast Mariners, an Australia A-League team, trying to realize his dream of becoming a pro soccer player. He made his official debut in a preseason friendly last...
NCAA Lets Michigan State Off The Hook In Nassar Case
This week the NCAA informed Michigan State in a letter that it had concluded its investigation into how the athletic department handled Larry Nassar’s abuse of student-athletes, and how the school handled allegations of assault against members of the basketball and football teams. Their decision: Cl...
Was This Raccoon Witch Cursing The Baltimore Orioles? An Investigation
The Baltimore Orioles came into Wednesday night a horrendous 52.5 games out of first place in the AL East, and an equally shocking and horrifying 40.5 games back of the AL Wild Card. All of that sucking and losing happened before 8:33 p.m. Eastern Standard Time, when it was announced that this devi...
Marlins To Allow Musical Instruments At Otherwise Deathly Quiet Marlins Park
The Marlins have the worst home-field advantage in baseball, drawing a whopping 4,600 fewer fans per home game than the next lowest average attendance in the league. If you bring a harp to a Marlins home game and use it to play a soothing acoustic version of “Take Me Out to the Ball Game” during the...
Tyler White's Unlikely Walk-Off Dinger Set An MLB Single-Season Record
The Astros won 5-4 today in the final game of a three-game series against the Athletics, after DH Tyler White hit a walk-off bomb. White’s homer not only extended Houston’s lead in the AL West to 2.5 games, but set a neat little MLB record, too....
The NBA's Crappy One-And-Done Rule Is One Big Step Closer To Death
The NBA is steadily laying the foundation for the end of the rule requiring basketball prospects to wait a year after graduating from high school before declaring for the NBA Draft. Adam Silver has been making noise about this for a while, and Condoleezza Rice’s otherwise useless commission recommen...
Cole Hamels Looks Unbeatable Again
When the Chicago Cubs acquired Cole Hamels from the Rangers before the trade deadline, it looked like the team was just buying a lotto ticket. Hamels, who was putting up a disastrous 5.19 FIP with the Rangers in 2018, was just another formerly great but presently iffy arm who could join the rest of ...
Zach Smith Is Having A Public Meltdown
Former Ohio State wide receivers coach Zach Smith, who was recently fired from his job after multiple allegations of domestic violence from his ex-wife, Courtney, became public, has spent the afternoon tweeting angrily about his situation. He’s threatened to sue Brett McMurphy, the reporter who orig...
That Phillies Loss Might've Been The Season's Most Brutal
There’s an old baseball saw that you should never make the first or third out at third base. What does the conventional wisdom say about making the third out—the game’s final out—trying to tag up and move to third base, but leaving second base before the ball is caught?...
The Steelers' Privacy Tarp Would Be No Match For My Espionage Abilities
Last week came reports of the Pittsburgh Steelers erecting a tarp wall at the end of their practice field, apparently for the purpose of keeping prying eyes away from their football activities. When asked about the tarp, head coach Mike Tomlin mentioned “drones and so forth,” and the need for his pl...