hi Page 988 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Ichiro, The True Hit King, Subtly Burns Pretender Pete Rose
As we’ve stated before, Ichiro Suzuki is the true Hit King, and Pete Rose, who looks like two dog asses fucking, can get bent. We were forced to make this proclamation after Rose got sassy about the 1,278 hits Ichiro racked up in Japan, which make him a definitively superior batsman to Rose when com...
Lucky Fan Gets A Smooch From Chase d'Arnaud
Chase d’Arnaud went running towards the bleachers looking for a foul ball, but instead he found someone to peck on the cheek. Aww!...
Communists' DNC Flag-Burning Interrupted By DeSean Jackson Fanboy
The Revolutionary Communist Party and First Amendment pioneer Gregory Johnson staged a flag burning outside the Democratic National Convention today, only to find a Philadelphia Eagles fan taking objection to their attempt at free-speech fulmination....
Court Petition From Fired Baylor Employee Seeks Full Pepper Hamilton Report
In the aftermath of the Baylor sexual assault scandal, the closest thing to concrete information on the university’s institutional failures came in the form of a 13-page, specificity-free summary of Pepper Hamilton’s findings. Baylor has long insisted that’s all the documentation that exists. A cour...
Karl-Anthony Towns Dunks On Child Who Must Now Embark On Lifelong Vengeance Plot
Most NBA players are content to lightly humiliate young basketball camp attendees with an emphatic block or two, but Karl-Anthony Towns just set a new standard for player-on-camper aggression:...
A Guide To Choosing The Right Engagement Ring
There comes a time in almost every mature, adult relationship when you think about marriage. You look at your significant other and imagine the future. Maybe it’s the way the sun made their eyes sparkle in that moment, their shameless guffaw at the latest straight-to-Netflix Adam Sandler “comedy,” o...
And Now, The Annual Running Of The Patriots Fans
NFL training camps are starting, and that means it’s time to enjoy one of the finest traditions in sports: Patriots fans storming the field on the first day of camp like a bunch of goobers....
This Pirates Fan Sacrificed His Body To Make The Catch Of The Night
Here’s a good argument for bringing your glove to the game....
NBA Players Union Votes To Pay For Health Insurance For Retired Players
The NBA players union announced today that they would begin funding health insurance for retired players who have played at least three years in the league. The deal is the first of its kind in major American sports, which makes sense given that the NBPA is in a very healthy position, especially in ...
Dirk Nowitzki Struggles With Soccer
Dirk Nowitzki officially re-signed with the Mavericks this afternoon, but he spent the day playing in a charity soccer game in Mainz and showed why he should stick with basketball....
Alcides Escobar And Andrelton Simmons Had A Shortstop Duel
Alcides Escobar and Andrelton Simmons are two of the best defensive shortstops in the league, and are always worth watching simply because great shortstop play is one of the finer things baseball has to offer. During last night’s game between the Royals and Angels, both players robbed each other of ...
Broncos Safety During DUI Arrest: "Hey, Obama, I Can't Wait To Meet You, Bruh. Tell You About This Bullshit."
Broncos safety Shiloh Keo was pulled over for having a busted tail light on Feb. 13, 2016. During the stop, cops determined that Keo was also driving under the influence, and he was arrested and charged with DUI. Keo pleaded guilty to the charge earlier this month, but in a police-car video obtained...
Juventus's Ungodly Fee For Gonzalo Higuaín Is Well Worth It
Okay, sure. When you first saw the name Gonzalo Higuaín—one part veteran, world-class, goalscoring bulldozer, one part habitual choke artist—associated with a transfer fee teetering dangerously close to the €100 million mark, you probably had to clench your eyes closed and press the palms of your ha...
DeMar DeRozan Almost Pulled Off A 360 Dunk Over A Defender
If DeMar DeRozan had managed to stuff this dunk in on this poor Chinese national teamer, it would have been one of the coolest dunks in the history of jams. As it stands, DeRozan finished just shy. The USA bench got a technical foul for their reaction, which seems unfair given that they just nearly ...
Did Aroldis Chapman Give A Bad Domestic Violence Answer, Or Was It Translator Error?
Aroldis Chapman held his first press conference with the Chicago media as a member of the Cubs this afternoon, and immediately overshadowed his debut by being dismissive of a question about the domestic violence allegations that saw the MLB suspend him for 30 days. But five hours after the press con...
Washington State Football Players Brawl At House Party<em></em>
Last Friday night, a group of Washington State football players went to a house party near WSU campus in Pullman. According to WSU senior Alex Rodriguez and witnesses interviewed by the Seattle Times, a group of “four of five players” were setting off fireworks in the backyard of the house and throw...
Yoenis Cespedes Drops Routine Catch In Order To Make Spectacular Catch
Baseball can be boring, so I appreciate Yoenis Cespedes going out of his way to make this would-be routine catch into something much more videogenic....
Tiny, Adorable Dogs Attend NFL Training Camp
It’s NFL training camp time, which means it’s time to check in on Eddie Lacy’s middle, and also, apparently to check out some good-as-hell dogs. Washington cornerback Bashaud Breeland supplied the dogs....
Inch For Inch, Inika McPherson Might Be The Most Talented Jumper On The Planet
The three priestesses of the high jump—the American reps in Rio—are an unconventional and disparate bunch, whose ability to launch themselves over a 6'6" bar is almost less interesting than how they made it to the Olympics in the first place....